Tagged with eng vs bang

Junaid Siddique puts runs in the book

Where I learned my cricket, runs in the book was the most important thing you could do.

It didn’t matter if your runs were scooped to the leg side, slashed on the onside, in fours or singles, taken from good shots or from accidental shots.

The phrase, “that’s what it says in the book” was used on constant rotation.

It was hard not to think about that when watching Junaid Siddique bat at Lord’s.

The boy is a bunch of nerves when he bats, he seems to open the face or edge almost everything.

Against quick bowlers he seems to have no scoring options other than edges.

When facing spin he is slightly better, but he still looks like going out at any time.

There is no time when he looks in control of what he is doing.

Even though England never bowled well enough to get him out, he still never managed to convince.

At the age of 22 averages less than 25 in First Class cricket in Bangladesh (which must take some work) and he makes batting look like the single hardest endeavor in human history.

Yet I’ve seen him make a test hundred when his side needed it.

And yesterday he made a test fifty.  At Lord’s.  Yet again when his side needed it.

I would say that if Junaid were playing top level club cricket in England, Australia, South Africa or India he would just be a handy batsman at this point in his life.

It is hard to judge if he will ever make a competent test batsmen, but right now he is not of test match class.

That said, I can imagine the old men at my club, drinking their beer, mocking the opposition, grumbling about some soft older player and supporting this kid who is out of his depth.

Someone would suggest to these old guys that that this innings was full of edges, bad shots and just looked ugly, they use all of his unconvincingness to make their points.  And they wouldn’t be wrong.

But I know those old guys would have just pointed anyone who bagged Junaid to the scorer’s table.

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Previously at Lord’s

Bangladesh

Decided to bowl first. I’m sure someone thought it was a good idea. Their fielding was as good as putting 9 newborn babies still cased in amniotic fluid out on the field.

England

The one player who was playing for his career, well not for his career, but for his immediate future, stood up. Everyone else looked bored. KP couldn’t even be bothered to be bored.

Can Bangladeshi still draw?

If it rains and Shakib Al Hasan takes an Uzi out to the middle with him, then Bangladesh will still lose.

Play of the day

KP going out to a left arm finger spinner is always entertaining. But my favourite moments of the day were when two Bangladeshi fielders were hit in the head. I like it when people are hit in the head, it doesn’t happen enough. One was brutal when Eoin Morgan marked his debut by smashing the face grill in of short leg, who I think was Kayes. Because he is still alive it was funny. The other player I am not sure about, but he dived after a ball in vain, but the ball then bounced off the rope and back onto his face. It was funnier than the Kayes one, but not as dangerous.

Testicular moment of the day

Every Bangladesh test Jamie Siddons resists the urge to kill one of his players. The veins that pump away in his forehead show how much he wants to do it, but he doesn’t. That kind of restraint takes internal strength and fortitude.

Working class moment

Trott had nothing to gain from today really. If he makes runs people will say he made them against a team as strong as your local 3rd XI. If he failed people would continue to talk about his spot in the team. Part of the working class aesthetic has always been that you’re fucked either way. Trott has picked the better end of the fucking, but it still means little.

Question of the day

Will Shakib ever bowl first again?

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ICC to regulate Bangladesh

Being the well-connected internationally renowned blogger to the stars, I have some pull.

So when I watched Bangladesh win the toss and bowl I called my good personal friend Haroon Lorgat.

He answered straight away, as he always does, and we had a good chat about life, love, accountancy, twincest and cricket. He really is a wonderful man, and I’m sure you’d like him.

After the general chitchat we got to the reason I’d called him, Bangladesh winning the toss and bowling.

I told Haro that this should not be allowed to happen again. The ICC should regulate against it, set up a working committee, send out a press release and all that sort of important stuff.

Bangladesh don’t have seamers. You can’t put teams in without seamers. It makes no sense.

Shahadat Hossain is bowling at a pace that old ladies can walk past. Robiul Islam bowls at a pace that Craig McMillan would mock. And Rubel Hossain is the Lasith Malinga you get if all you have is spare change.

England is still not a team of superstars, but when it comes to pop gun attacks this was a broken water pistol. England can handle an attack from a broken water pistol.

Bangladesh was so bad that a friend of mine said watching Rubel Hossain bowling made him almost tear up, he felt like he was watching himself bowl in a test. When you are watching a test bowler and you feel a kinship with him that tells you so much. I also bet there were thousands of people watching who were thinking what I was, I reckon I could score at least 30 against this mob.

When Bangladesh send a side in, on average that team makes 430. It is a pointless act. All they are doing is prolonging their defeat. Making us watch a lopsided game for longer without giving us an interesting first day. They could have batted first been out before tea, got the game humming along.

This is the sort of stuff I told ol’ ICC Haro. He understood what I was going on about.

While he didn’t guarantee me it would be a new Law, he is definitely thinking about it. Hopefully they will name it after me.

I would have called Jamie Siddons directly, but by the look on his face he is too angry to listen to my reasoning. Plus, if he had anything to do with today’s decision, or even if he didn’t, he is probably looking for someone to punch.

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When Bangladesh did Lord’s

I’m sure there is an air of anticipation in the air.

The smell of freshly cut and expertly manicured grass, the small tear in the eye of a Bangladeshi player who steps out there for the first time, the hushed silence as the cap parts Eoin’s short gingerish locks and the glint of sunlight that filters through the gloom onto the father time weathervane.

Old men shuffling in with their telegraph’s wedged under their arms.

Bangladesh supporters being just a little too loud and excited for pink cheeked old men.

Young Tories coming to the ground in groups excitedly talking about mergers, shares and other ways to rip each other off.

NPower girls grabbing the attention of one and all by looking like Nazi cheerleaders.

Cricket tragics who are wearing replica shirts or tour shirts, team caps, runners in case they get a late call up and who have children in roughly the same attire.

Cricket sadists who are wearing less cricket like attire but are obviously looking down their nose at people who do and who have already worked out all the best paths to the bar.

Bacon and egg tie wearing members who have chosen outfits that will spectacularly clash with their ugly ties.

First timers at Lord’s who will rush into the ground with a sense of excitement wearing one thing, and come out with Lord’s apparel.

The picnic set who will bring in the Lord’s limit of alcohol in Champagne form, roasted duck panini, gourmet crisps and mini scotch eggs.

There will be apprentice members all over the ground, listen for the tut tuting that doesn’t come from the members.

Stone faced ground clerics who will not allow anyone to even look at their mobile devices, even for the time.

Emotionally cold guards who pat you down as you enter the ground even though you’ve come up with a joke just for the occasion.

And the press running around with their important lanyards on trying their best to get up to the safety of the press box so the stain of the regular people won’t touch them.

I am assuming this is happening as I am not there.

But one great thing about Lord’s, and cricket in general, is that this is still probably truish.

Lord’s bills itself as the home of cricket, so today there will be much chat about exactly who these Bangladeshis are. Do they play much cricket in Bangladesh? Who is their captain? Are they still poor? I knew a chap who was stationed in Bangladesh during the war, lovely chap, lives in Devon now.

There’s no place like home.

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