Tagged with dwayne bravo

Australia becomes a boarding house for ADD cricket players

There was a time that you needed to be Imran Khan or Ian Botham to play domestic cricket in Australia.

Australian teams guarded their teams like Jesse with his last bourbon.

Those times are changing, and Lalit Modi is a motivating factor.

Last year there were two overseas players in Shield cricket, Younis Khan for South Australia, who was really there as a batting coach, and Darren Eyelids Pattinson, who was really there as a roofer.

Then in the Fried Chicken big bash, Umar C Gul, Sohail Tanvir and Prince Brendon McCullum all got games.

Other than Younis’ gig, all of the signings felt a bit last minute and tacked on.

Not this year, Victoria has already signed Dwayne Bravo for their t20 team, and if the rumour is true, the women of Sydney are about to get a taste of Afridi this summer.

Lukcy them.

I would be surprised if every state doesn’t pick up a player.

Being that Tasmania is a bit budget, they might only be able to afford Aaron Redmond, but the others can get real internationals.

There is big money in this for the players, no state can afford IPL or County money upfront, but you are a 1 in 3 chance of making the Champion’s league, which is when the real money comes in.

Dwayne Bravo is currently on the players we hate list, but when he plays for Victoria we are willing to change him to the players we like, unless he plays shit, then he goes back, or if he becomes mates with Brad Hodge.

Tagged , ,

Dwayne Bravo, welcome to the list

I saw Bravo make a test match hundred against Australia in Hobart.

It was a a very well made knock, that looked like it would catapult him to greater things.

So far that is the great thing.

Nothing more.

Some people have dropped off him.

But still I supported him.

I gave him a nick name, Smackdown.

I said many nice things about him, like

I think Bravo is a gun player, who probably needs stick and carrot type handling.

How does he repay my faith.

He gets beaten up at the crease by Brett Lee.

And instead of taking the hits, toughing it out, and making a big time hundred, he asked for a chest guard, showed his pain and refused a single so he wouldn’t have to face Brett Lee again.

Soft.

No test match number six should be refusing singles so he can hide from an opening bowler.

This is not test match behaviour Dwayne.

This is English professional behaviour.

You should be dropped for this.

And when you are reinstated you should be bat at 8, which is where the scared tailenders bat.

Test match cricket was not meant to be easy.

People lose teeth, break bones and risk their body.

You are clearly not up to this kind of physical and mental testing.

The West Indies deserve way more than a wimp at number 6.

And don’t think the Australians will ever forget this Dwayne.

They will target you from here on in, every time you play a test against them you will be singled out.

It should be clear to all fans of West Indian cricket why you have never made the most of your potential.

Soft cricketers don’t make test match cricketers.

Chris Gayle has not mentioned it, and I have searched the internet and can’t find anyone who has taken you to task for it.

You guys get special treatment because you are a young side on the up.

Fuck that, I will give you no such special treatment, you are a test playing nation, you are a test player, either step up or fuck off.

The Windies deserve to be treated better than that.

Tagged

smackdown cooks up stinker

I had my “Windies can only lose it from here” post all ready in my head.

The pitch is in their favour.

Two form batsmen at the crease.

Smackdown Bravo was lifting Casson into the stand like Mark Taylor was bowling.

The Chrab Chanderpaul was going nowhere fast.

Lee couldn’t shake them.

Clark couldn’t probe through them.

Clarke and Casson were just not that threatening.

But Beau Casson took the wicket.

Really Dwayne Bravo gave it to him.

Beau tossed a full and delightful ball on off stump, as it got to Bravo it was a half volley, somehow Bravo managed to scoop it to Jacques at silly mid off.

But that is all pointless, because the man who got Bravo out was Brett Lee.

Lee had hit Bravo, scared Bravo, questioned his manhood, and made Bravo look ridiculous to the point where Bravo knocked back a single so he didn’t have to face him.

That is where he sealed his fate.

He went out the next over, game over.

Next over, new ball taken, Clark finally removes the Chrab, who is probably sick and tired of carrying soft team mates.

The crowd deflate quickly.

Bravo, went from hero to villain quicker than the pilot episode of the Shield.

He now must be thought of as soft.

Midway through a Lee over he stopped to have a drink and get a chest guard.

You do not show Australia weakness.

You tough it out.

You survive.

You grit your teeth.

You do not let the dog know you are scared of it.

Especially when you have the dog scared.

Tomorrow Dwayne, you can expect a well documented reason why you are on the players we don’t like or think are meh list.

You were one of my favourites, but test cricket is a test of character, and you just failed.

Tagged

The paint is dried

While you were sleeping, working, resting, ot doing whatever people who aren’t me do, I was working for you.

Why, because here at cricket with balls we take this shit seriously dawg.

How seriously, well at 3 in the AM, I was chasing cricket scores so I could keep you informed.

There is no need to thank me, but while all of you wrote off the Sri Lanka Windies game as a boring event, I put in the hard yards.

And do you know what I found.

The Windies are not completely out of this game.

This is not, to quote the worst simpsons character, unpossible.

They are 1/96 requiring a further 340 runs on the last day.

Devon Smith is out, but that’s hardly the worst thing ever.

At the crease, after he was bizarrely chosen to open the batting, is Dwayne “Smackdown” Bravo on 40odd.

Chris Gayle dropped himself to number 4, so he could employ the attacking instincts of Bravo.

Just ponder that.

Chris Gayle is by far cooler than you, I, and most other people, but the dude doesn’t really think things through does he.

If he really wanted to employ attacking instincts then surely he and Bravo would go out together, and forget about this Devon Smith nonsense.

As attacking as Bravo is, is there another man on earth who can attack like Gayle can?

Gayle could bring down an Empire in a session.

According to our learned Pakistani correspondent.

There is a possibility that the Windies chase down a record total. That would mean something. They’ve done it against the Aussies..no reason why not again..

Well Q, there are plenty of reasons why they can’t, Murali, 5th day, inexperienced batting line up and John Dyson is coach.

But let me just jump out on this twig for a moment.

Not only do I believe the Windies will win this test, I think they’ll do it without having lost more than 4 wickets.

Let em have it chaps.

Visit Q at Well Pitched, he’d like that.

Tagged , ,

The windies

The West Indies are horrible.

We have all dealt with that.

But with if they are less horrible than say waking up with Tori Spelling on your shoulder.

In South Africa there have been signs that there is a cricket team hiding behind the guys in Maroon shirts.

They won a test, a rained reduced 2020 game, and then struggled in the one day series.

This is a team who has had Gayle & Sarwan missing for huge periods of time.

Lack of depth not withstanding, I think this very young team has something about them.

Devon Smith proved today, in this frustrating water soaked game, that he can bat. If you think he can’t bat, every time you see Smith pretend it’s Ganga.

Smith & Gayle at the top of the order. And with McGrath’s best mate Sarwan at 3, its something of a top 3. It’s not Cook, Vaughn and Bell (which is no hayden, jacques and Ponting) but it has flair, fight and unpredictability.

Following them is Chandrepaul, no point him batting any lower, especially as he is terrible batting with the tail and should be batting in the top four as the best batsman,

Samuels has shown signs on this tour that he actually cares and behind him is Dwayne Bravo. Samuels & Bravo obviously have talent, and from what I’ve seen of the replacements, you are better off dancing with these guys than finding a new partner.

Bravo would probably be a far better batsman if he wasn’t an all rounder, but an all rounder with his skill doesn’t come along all that often. Bravo is a more than decent bowler, and most importantly he is an all rounder who can actually take wickets. There isn’t many number 6 batsman who are as good with the ball as he is.

Ramdin is just a keeper and just a batsman, but he seems like a fighter, just a shame he is always in the wrong division. Also has a very tiny head, looks weird in a helmet.

Their bowling is not too shabby. Edwards, Powell and Taylor all have pace and what marketing execs refer to as the X factor. Edwards is a real favourite of mine, I think he’s a little nuts, and I react positively to that.

With the 4 quick bowlers in their side they can even pick a spinner, I’d probably suggest that spinner isn’t Rawl Lewis. Not because he is old, just because I can’t imagine a situation where he ever takes 3 wickets in a game. Perhaps if he invents a machine that turns test batsmen into swans he might get two, if the swans had no pads on.

In the short term Sammy is the 5th bowler, he can hold a bat, which makes up for the fact that Ramdin isn’t that good, and he bowls a good line and length, even if he does round out a quintet of seam bowlers.

On paper, which is the only place my imaginary West Indian side has played, they have more ability and way more match winning potential than New Zealand.

Ofcourse the Windies would kill for a side as mentally tough as the Kiwis. At this stage they kill for a side as mentally tough as Campbellfield under 14’s.

It may not be always pretty, and there are still going to be some Spelling type losses but every now and then they will beat a good side, lose to a sh1t side and in general do things that make Viv Richards wish he had hair to pull out.

They may never be Natalie Portman, but they may become an interesting Liv Tyler from time to time.

A 2nd favourite type side, that doesn’t beat your side, but you enjoy watching.

Tagged , , , , ,

Lord Megachief of Gold & the Imaginary Girlfriend Sex theory

One day I will write a really positive article on Shivnarine Chanderpaul, today is not that day.

Sometimes in life you need to do things for the Greater Good, the Greater Good.

It’s like if you have a girl friend, and you think all her friends are pretentious w@nkers, and she asks you to go to a party at one of their houses. By not going to said party, you may anger your girlfriend, and sex may be withheld from you.

So even though you don’t want to spend a minute with these people, you understand that a few hours with them will give between 1 and 2 minutes of pure dirty lust filled joy with her.

Shivnarine needs to understand this principle.

We know that he doesn’t want to captain the Windies, he quit that job to concentrate on his batting.

This has worked out quite nicely for him.

But with Gayle injured, Sarwan not available and Frank Worrell dead, surely Shiv would have said, look, I don’t want to do this, but I understand that for one game, and one game only, I am the man who should lead my country, you know for the Greater Good, the Greater Good.

I would have thought, however incorrectly, that this is a sure thing to happen.

Apparently not.

Instead Dwayne Bravo is going to be captain, sure he is vice captain, but that was chosen to give his game focus, and surely not because he was giving invaluable tips to Gayle.

In the field of the last 2 tests I have hardly seen Gayle chat to Bravo.

I think Bravo is a gun player, who probably needs stick and carrot type handling, but being that he is 24 and has played in one test victory and Chanderpaul is almost as old as Bryce McGain and has played in over 100 tests, for this occasion perhaps Shiv might have been the better option.

I hope I’m wrong, cause if I’m wrong, South Africa might lose the series, and I will dance for 12 minutes straight if that happens.

But I won’t be getting my dancing shoes out just yet, with Gayle out and Edwards doubtful, I can’t see the Windies winning.

Tagged , , , ,

cape town observations


I haven’t watched much of the South Africa vs West Indies test, about a session a night, but I do have some observations.

Either Shivnarine is a shocking batsman when playing with the tail, or he just can’t be bothered holding up his side any more.

Ntini never smiles. Not ever. And he is looking old, he looks older than Morgan Freeman in the Shawshank redemption.

Jacques Kallis has got fat, after all these years I finally have the physique of an international all rounder.

Dwayne Bravo is getting better, but he is not a test number 6.

Rawl Lewis is the worst test number 8 my father has ever seen.

Edwards, Powell, Bravo, and Taylor may not be the players of old, but on a pitch with a bit of life they are bloody good options.

Edwards or Taylor (it was late and I was tired) bowled 6 straight bouncers at Mark Boucher. Hit him twice. Possible my favourite over to a South African ever.

Paul Harris is an odd dude.

Andre Nel is insane. But also, he is the closest thing we have seen to Merv Hughes in years. Should be dropped for being too entertaining.

Steyn is a handy bowler, but when Gayle got going, Steyn lost the plot completely.

Steyn batted with a runner, and then bowled in the next innings. Ummm, wtf?

Its funny when a South African gets run out for 98. Even if it’s only Ashwell Prince.

Amla is actually more boring than Jacques Kallis, who knew that was possible?

Chris Gayle is still a cool mother fu©ker, even if he has a glass thumb and d1cky hammy.

Geoffrey is back, beware ladies.

Allan Donald should not be allowed to speak into a microphone.

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

Another reason to love port elizabeth


Australia beating the very confident Indians, quite easily, at the G, was very satisfying for me.

But compared to the West Indies beating Evil South Africa at my favourite non Melbourne cricket ground, it was chicken feed.

Call me a sadist, but at least let me whip you when you do, but I much prefer to watch South Africa humiliate themselves than Australia record another comfortable victory.

Great moments from the PE game.

A pair for the confused match fixer.

A dodgy decision for their chunky proboter.

Captain falling to a short ball he fended with all the grace of Sourav Ganguly.

Their top order collapsed twice.

The destroyer of New Zealand became New Zealand.

Andre Nel remained crazy.

Dwayne Bravo finally won a test.

Chris Gayle smoted them.

And South Africa’s ©rap record at PE was strengthened.

Even if this isn’t the reemergence of the West Indies, for now it will do.

In other news, two teams tied for second place in the ICC test rankings lost their boxing day tests.

One lost to the number one side, no great surprise their, the other to the number 8 side that hasn’t won a test since Lindsay Lohan was still sober.

So if South Africa somehow lost this series, and when India lose this series, they could both go behind England, by my guestimations.

4th and 5th on the ladder, that should calm them both down for a while.

How cool.

Tagged , , , , , , , ,
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 8,513 other followers