Tagged with drugs

What is worse? ICL or Jail

Old cricketers have a few options available to them.

Pundit, administracrat, coach, ICL player, or drug mule.

The first three require brains, or nude photos of important people, the last two don’t.

Had Chris Lewis played in the ICL he would not have trafficked illegal drugs.

If he was bowling to Craig McMillan and batting with Stuart Law he wouldn’t have time to put cocaine into cans and take it into the UK.

You can’t do both. Obviously.

The question is what is  worse, to be a drug mule or an ICL cricketer?

If Lewis had received a 6 month sentence, he could realistically be playing international cricket before the ICL players (talent, dedication and age not withstanding).

There is probably more money in playing for the ICL, if they pay you, not even Lalit can get you jail time for playing in it.

On the plus side prison uniforms are usually way more flattering than anything the IPL has.

The ICL has Mayanti Langer, in prison Chris Lewis is the Mayanti.

Going to prison gives you street cred, playing in the ICL means you hang with Chris Harris.

And in Prison you don’t have to deal with Tony Greig.

Chris Lewis has got it easy.

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Allegedly

Ceci, of Ceci and Mel fame, found this photo of Chris Lewis in her archives.

i prefer pepsi

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Krazy Krejza Kokaine Kase

As if the last couple of days have not been hard enough for Jason Krejza, now his sordid past has come out.

He once pissed cocaine into a cup.

In Sydney.

True story.

Apparently he felt his drink was spiked, which is often code for, fuck what if we have a drug test soon.

So he told the officials, they pulled him out of a game, and he tested positive to cocaine (please say it with a wacky Columbian accent).

Then in his subsequent tests there was no cocaine.

Drink spiking is a major problem for cricketers.

Especially fringe state cricketers, as Cricket Australia’s Michael Brown puts it,

“I saw a report recently that stated there were around 4000 reported cases of drink spiking last year … and higher-profile athletes and celebrities can be targeted.”

So in 2000 & 6, what was Jason Krejza, a high profile athlete or a celebrity.

Are there random drink spikers just looking for the drinks of Shield players.

Are Daniel Marsh, Michael Klinger and Steve Magoffin in all sorts of trouble.

Are doe eyed young cricketers trained in how to spot a potential shield doping sex pest?

Those questions are hard to answer.

But I will leave you with this one, do you believe him?

Brown I mean, not Krejza I just assume you don’t believe him, but do you believe before last week Krejza was ever high profile.

Add this to Krejza’s drink driving past and he is pretty much ready to be an Australian cricket legend.

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It’s in his piss, that’s where it is

Asif, former goat herder turned modern day Bela Lugosi, has had his B sample come back with the Roids still in it.

But his lawyer has an erection that could bring down an oak tree, the sample has a different level of Nandrolone in it.

“A” sample, 6.2mg.

“B” sample, 5.4mg.

The lawyer has said that they can contest the samples, even if both of them have Roids in them.

I say that is rubbish, what Asif should do is simple, ask for the “I” sample.

Mathematics are on his side.

Sunil Gavaskar is on the IPL tribunal, and he and two other less crickety guys will make the final decision.

But I think Lalit Modi should be on the tribunal.

After all, he is an expert in the drug field.

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that’s what he said

“I am shocked and surprised because I was extra cautious and never used any banned substances.”

Mohammed Asif

Usually I would wax lyrically about a comment like this, but all I will say is this, he is the only person shocked and surprised.

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IPL drug taking shocker

An IPL player has tested positive.

My first thought was, only one?

But the tests were for performance enhancing drugs, not Charlie or H.

Why Modi has even given this information is beyond me.

At this stage they do not know that the player involved did not have a pre declared or prescripted drug in their system.

The B sample, also know as the other bottle of piss, has not been tested.

And if I am reading Modi’s words correctly, they have not even matched the sample with the player yet.

I’m all for full disclosure, but this is getting a tad ahead of the game, after the name is confirmed, the b sample is tested and the player notified, then you can give some details.

Or is there a reason that the IPL is more concerned with a drugs scandal than most…

Guilty conscience?

I would like to be the first to say that none of us believe that this was the work of any Pakistani fast bowlers, well, at least not Tanvir.

Now we’ve had the drug scandal, where is the match fixing one, don’t let me down IPL.

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The Narcotics Anonymous XI

1. Mohammed Asif not happy with the effect steroids had on his demeanour, sent down an opium chaser to balance it out, surprisingly the Dubai Airport officials frowned on this.

2. Herschelle Gibbs tried a bit of Mary Jane in the West Indies. He also likes to drink’n'drive and match fix. He is all class.

3. Ed Giddons was suspended for 18 months after testing positive to cocaine. Best sledge he received “Don’t let them get up your nose, Giddo”. Imagine the worst.

4. Stephen Fleming used marijuana as a way to prepare himself for captaincy of the hardest working team in world cricket. No wonder he looked so calm.

5. Lalit Modi, the IPL guru was guilty of cocaine possession in North Carolina and given a 2 year sentence (which he didn’t serve). The two year decision had more to do with the kidnapping and assault charges he also pleaded guilty too.

6. Ian Botham admitted to enjoying weed, but denied claims he once got high on cocaine with a Miss Barbados and broke the bed during love making. Why?

7. West Australian Duncan Spencer was banned for taking the performance enhancing nandrolone. His first class bowling average was 39. Enhancing?

8. Maninder Singh the Indian left arm spinner got caught with 1.5 grams of white powder. This apparently had nothing to do with the dodgy LBW he received to tie the tied test.

9. Shane Warne thought he looked fat and took a diet pill that doubles as a masking agent. Perhaps he should have just eaten less Pizza.

10. Adeel Raja, a Holland International, was banned for using finasteride. It’s not surprising that a dutch cricketer had been banned for taking drugs, but all he did was forget to extend his dispensation that had been granted to him previously. .

11. Shoaib Ahktar was found with nandrolone in his system, but the PCB didn’t seem to mind that much, and once Bob Woolmer died, everyone had more important things to worry about.

12th man Phil Tufnell.

Coach: Brigitte Warne.

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Drugs in cricket

There is a serious drug problem in cricket.

Some players are taking too many.

Some players, not enough.

But in Bermuda, weed is being blamed for the fact their side is crap and has a fat dude playing in it.

Apparently every football or cricket game you go to in Bermuda you can smell the mary jane.

Which ofcourse is unacceptable, as you should be only allowed to smell beer cascading down the double chin of a sun burnt dude.

The problem with Bermuda is they think you need to stop smoking joints to play for your country.

This is not true, if Phil Tufnell and Stephen Fleming have taught us anything its that weed can help built test cricketers.

Opium works wonders as well.

Things that cricketers should give up to play for their country according to the worlds cricket administracrats.

Alcohol.

Burgers.

Women.

Men.

Drugs (except performance enhancing)

Heavy metal.

Bay Watch.

Atheism.

Gangsta rap.

Bare knuckled boxing.

And knitting.


EDIT:
While researching (I know) this post I found a great headline on cric info from a few years back.

ICC has kept players informed on substances – Speed

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