Tonight at Temple Place Walkabout from 7pm you can.

It is 10 quid to get in, and drink specials all night. Hopefully by drink specials they don’t mean snake bites.

Right now, before he entraps younglings.

So kill him.

Before his kind of vermin take over the world.

He should be caught, hung, and then have his body burnt, just to be safe.

It is that simple.

Why is he a terrorist, well he plays in the ICL.

And that is a unacceptable.

It is the biggest crime you can do in cricket.

Take drugs, it’s ok, take money to throw your innings, never mind, be a South Africa, oh go one then.

But the ICL, that is way worse.

It’s like being a Nazi Scientologist who is a member of NAMBLA.

So Staurt Law must be taken out.

His kids should also be murdered for his crimes.

You know, so that future generations don’t grow up to be ICL players.

Law is the latest player to get fucked over for having the stain of ICL on his shirt collar.

He had the audacity to be almost be a batting coach of Australian juniors while still playing in the ICL.

Dizzy Gillespie had the same thought processes, the swine.

Not that long ago it was reported that an Indian ICL player was escorted from his old cricket club, couldn’t have him mixing with clean living cricketers.

OK it’s an unauthorised competition, we get it.

We really do, we understand why the IPL people might be pissed with it.

But is any of this working?

People are still playing in it, it’s still mildly successful, and no amount of harsh treatment seems to be stopping that.

What it is doing, is stopping Dizzy Gillespie helping out Australia’s young bowlers, and Stuart Law helping out the young batsmen.

And if they are really going to fuck over people involved with the ICL, why is Tony Greig allowed to watch, commentate, shit over, and come in any contact with authorised cricket?

But he is Indian, and a real fast bowler, so you would have to assume that somewhere along the line he will fade away or lose form.

Let’s look at the potential ways.

His adam’s apple is actually an alien, sent from the planet klaatu, and is intent on killing us all.
Some Bollywood producer (aka India mafia dude) gets him a gig on the Indian remake of irreversible starring Aishwarya Rai, but he takes his scene too far and accidentally slams her head into the subway wall killing her instantly and is lynched by horny teens every where.

He listens to Navjot Sidhu and Bishen Bedi for 20 minutes and his head explodes.

He gets caught in a lift with Sunil Gavaskar whom rages about how all Australian’s are @ssholes for 2 minutes and his adam’s apple inverts and chokes him from within.

He gets given an English passport.

Playgirl magazine offer him a billion dollars to do a naked centrefold. Indian’s are outraged, as his Adam’s apple is air brushed out.

Tania Zaetta meets him in a bar, and they have a torrid lust affair in which Ishant falls madly in love with her and follows her to Sydney and lives out his days as Mr Zaetta.

He shaves for the first time, but being that he is so awkward he accidentally cuts his own throat and kills himself.

Inspired by his love of Jason Gillespie he grows a ponytail and starts breaking down.

Bored with cricket, women and millions of dollars he starts practicing Auto Erotic Asphyxiation. His first time ends in heart break (insert Adam’s apple joke here).

He remembers he is Indian and starts bowling left arm orthodox or straight breaks.

The Indian government give him Bangladesh as payment for being so good, which starts a war with Pakistan, which results on America bombing the whole region, Ishant dies whilst tying to save a whole village of cricket academy students whose rich parents couldn’t make it in time.

Me and Andre take over the world and we abduct him from India and make him play for Jrodre, the new world super power.

Pakistan get bored and fire nuclear missiles at India, thus ending his career, and the lives of countless others. Sunil Gavaskar survives.

He is raped and killed by a pack of super monkey’s who are trained and controlled by Navjot Sidhu.

Everyone in India tells him he is gods gift to fast bowling until he becomes Shoaib Ahktar.

He joins the circus.

It might have been cause he was really fast, really young and fast, really young, or cause he had a pony tail, who can tell.

As the years went on he gave people a lot to like about him.

He wasn’t just an aboriginal, he was a fast bowling snarling aboriginal player.

Fu©k load of wickets never hurt.

The amount of effort that went into every ball, some times at delivery it looked like he was giving birth to twins.

His batting, which resembled a father protecting his hot daughter’s virginity.

His bowling, especially his bowling faces. The angry one he pulled on the way to the wicket that said, if there was a wicket inside my dog, I would gut him with a spoon to get it out.

Then on the way back from the crease, he was the most relaxed guy, laughing and smiling.

He had an off cutter than could cut you to pieces and he one rode his bat like Happy Gilmore.

Plus he brought back the mullet.

Nuff said.

The first part of his career was severely injury prone, think Shane Watson, but talented.

And for years every time he went back to his mark he would stretch and I would fear the worst. I was like an over bearing mother.

After all the first aid trips he lost a bit of pace, I blame the face plant with Steve Waugh for that.

Then he became reliable body wise, he was like a warrior in a war film, held together with bandages, but still seemed to get the job done.

After the pace left, the accuracy took over, his line and length was fuller and straighter than McGrath.

I still think if they kept a record of how many catches were dropped per bowler per match he’d be high up on that list.

The amount of times he would get an opening batsmen dropped at slip, only for McGrath to clean up at the other end was extraordinary.

For a while there he was Australia’s best bowler.

To be Australia’s best bowler at any time is pretty good, but to do so when Warne & McGrath are in the side is pretty damn special.

Then Dizzy went a little Ian Baker Finch, he seemed to completely lose is ability to move the ball, bowl a good length and miss placed a yard of pace.

This ended with him sitting out the 2005 ashes.

It would have been an ugly way to go, but the selectors picked him as a batsman and let him smack the kittens around for a test double ton.

Then he was shipped back to South Australia.

His file was stamped, in case of emergency. That emergency being if Brett lee and Stuart Clark died, or got caught in kiddie porn ring.

It didn’t happen.

So now at the age of 32 (I didn’t check it but it seems right) Dizzy has decided to get some superannuation in the ICL.

According to the very well paid Cricket Australia Administracrats, this means he can no longer ply his trade at radelaide Oval.

This is a shame, because the man still gives

Dizzy you will be remembered, as a gun opening bowler, as a brick wall, and as one hell of a mulletteer.

Enjoy the coinage.

I think there is a lesson in this for everyone, don’t go to Traralgon.

Oh and he’s ok.

He is still no closer to playing for Australia though and probably has a sore head.

Pretty sure he won’t pull a Vermuelen at the Adelaide oval on his return.

Although it would be nice if he takes an axe to the flat deck at Adelaide when he gets home.

This one has been bothering me for a while now.

Why do bowlers generally bowl out swing with the new ball, and in swing when the ball reverse swings?

I know there are exceptions to the rule, Freddy doesn’t mind the odd outswinger with reverse swing, Waqar Younis often bowled in swingers with the new ball, but both of these men are in the minority.

Is it as simple as opening batsmen look more susceptible to the swing away and middle to late order batsmen are more likely to leave a gap between bat and pad?

That seems too simple to me.

People say fast bowlers are stupid, but Michael Slater and Navjot Sidhu have proven to us that top order batsmen aren’t exactly Stephen Hawking either.

Hell Phil Tufnell and Warne haven’t exactly proved that spinners are intelligent either.

So it has to more than fast bowlers being stupid.

Many top order batsmen don’t like the ball coming in at them, hence Gillespie getting so many wickets with his off cutter.

Late order batsmen might struggle with the ball swinging in, but surely middle order batsmen have trouble with the ball moving away just like their top order counterparts do.

Do fast bowlers lack the creativity to try something different?

I blame the South Africans and those from New Texas (Queensland) for this.

Should we promote arts and crafts for fast bowlers so they think outside the square and other alternative thinking clichés.

Do we really need our great players, recently retired, recently out of form and the captain of Australia playing directly for dollars.

This isn’t county cricket after all.

Okay maybe its ok for retired players, but surely the Australian cricket captain has better things to do with his time than play come backward ass 2020 game for a pocket full of cash.

Surely this is a waste of his time, how can he do ads for anti perspirant and hair replacepent fertilizer if he’s playing for a make believe trophy in India.

Good thinking Brad.

South Africa levels series with clinical display.

Calling a South Africa win clinical is like saying the ball rolled.

Early reports are India is naming tendulkar as captain for the next 10 tests.

A positive front foot approach from the fuck wits who run Indian cricket.

Dizzy to play in 2020 indian super league thingy.

Do you really need the cash dizzy?

Shoaib Ahktar named for Pakistans next one day tour.

Fucken mother fucking dick headed cunts.

Matthew Elliott retired hurt with heart palpatations agaisnt tassie.

Fuck i hope it wasn’t from my blog.

I need some Maggie Gyllenhaal.

Warne and McGrath were out, and this left a huge hole in the Australian line up.

This time they are out again, but not its pre planned, and not an accident. If drugs are considered an accident. (Isn’t it scary the two leading test wicket takers of all time are a drug cheat and a chucker).

Last time there was no back up metronome. Stuart Clark was still plugging away in state cricket. Mitchell Johnson was still promising enough to give Lillee a hard on, but not ready to play test cricket. And shaun Tait was scary, but not a fully fledged member of his state team.

Brett Lee was in the side, but he was in the middle of his slump.

Everyone thought (well I did) that Gillespie would step up and be the number one man. At the stage in his career, he was the best bowler in the world. But Gillespie has always been more like a sheep than a goat (does that make sense). Even though he was the main man in wicket terms, once McGrath wasn’t there he just couldn’t quite take the mantle.

The Indians were led in their batting by Dravid. It was almost impossible to get him out that series, and with Lee bowling pies, Gillespie not stepping up, MacGill struggling against leg spin experts and Bracken (before we realised he was allergic to red balls) it was always going to be an uphill battle. I’m not even mentioning the fact Brad Williams played. Well I sort of mentioned it.

No Australian bowler averaged better than 37 or took more than 14 wickets.

In the batting, the Aussies had a weak number six in Katich, although that was his best series by far. They also carried Steve Waugh that series, who only made runs because he was Steve Waugh. Memo to selectors, I’d rather win a series than draw it just to give a legend a home send off.

For India Dravid, Laxman, Tendulkar and Sehwag were all pretty much unstoppable. Even Ganguly made runs (see above list of Aussie bowlers). I had the pleasure of seeing Sehwag in Melbourne, he has always been my favourite Indian batsmen, and that day he was amazing.

Their bowling was carried by two men, Kumble and Agarkar who took 40 wickets between them (Kumble took 24 in 3 tests). No one else took more than 5 wickets (Khan took 5)

Every wicket seemed to be flat, and as much as I like watching Ponting, Dravid and sehwag bat, when its one sided and I could make 30 its really not exciting cricket.

Tomorrow i’ll give you my opinion on the next series.

Mohammad Ashraful is going to become the new Aravinda de Silva.

It’s hard on Ashraful to be compared with some one we all have watched for the best part of 20 years. But it’s the situation he finds himself in that reminds me of what Aravinda went through.

Aravinda was born into a team that played its first test a year before he started, a country that was cricket mad, based in the sub continent. He was the team’s number one batsmen, even before he was ready to be so. He was a leader at a young age. A lot was expected of him. He even had to learn how to bowl. He’s a short ass.

Fast-forward 18 years, stay on the same continent but leave the island of Sri Lanka and head to the main land for Bangladesh. There we have Ashraful, who started playing for the tigers in 2001, the tigers started in 2000. He has been dropped a few times, because so much is expected of him. A few months ago he was named captain at the age of 23. Oh and he bowls, leg spin (first major difference). He is also a short ass.

Over the next few years, if Bangladesh are ever to become real players in the cricket world, and I’d like to think they are, another side who can beat South Africa is always nice, they need Ashraful to stand up and become their Aravinda.

There is even more proof that Ashraful is ready to step up and carry his team, he recently made 263 in first class cricket in Bangladesh. Now I’m sure I could make 80 in Bangladesh cricket, hell Jason Gillespie made 200. What is important is the fact he is already learning how to make big scores. Making big scores anywhere means concentration and discipline the two qualities that had been missing in him.

The dude is on his way. I think by the end of his test career, a career where I think he could play over 200 tests, he will average close to if not over 50 in tests.

Regardless, in modern cricket sides win respect in World Cups. Every one is watching, it can be gained over night and it’s easier than a test series. So I’m saying pencil in the next world cup for Ashraful de Silva. The new little champ.