cricket with balls
just another bullshit cricket blog
Tagged with dirk nannes …
The IPL form report of the current Australian players
These were the significant players. Tomorrow will be the insignificant players.
Brad Hodge – Kolkata
365 @ av 40 sr 117 hs 73
7 wickets @ 23 econ 8.05 bb 3/29
Started off terribly, but as the team fell apart he became their banker. Eventually showed why he had made so many runs in this format of the game, happy to be 30 off 30, and then explode at the end. Was used as a front line bowler at times, which he isn’t, but he did bowl some very good overs.
Brett Lee – Punjab
28 runs @ av 14 sr 82 hs 14*
5 wickets @ 22 econ 5.55 bb 3/15
Only played a handful of games, but looked more like the late 07/08 bowler, and less like the heart break kid of recent times. Always does his best work with the white ball, so not a huge surprise he was too good for most batsmen at this level. His batting looked rusty but he will just be happy to be out in the middle and thinking about cricket.
Andrew Symonds – Deccan
249 runs @ av 35 sr 150 hs 60*
7 wickets @ 22.85 econ 6.66 bb 2/18
Won the final with 2 wickets in one over, and his medium pace bowling was swinging a lot, and was hard for most people to hit. His batting always looked murderous, but couldn’t quite cash in as he would like. Would be happy with his form though.
Ryan Harris – Deccan
21 runs @ av 21 sr 116 hs 9*
6 wickets @ 38 econ 7.41 bb 3/27
Couldn’t buy a wicket, but no one found him easy to hit. His bounce made him an ideal bowler. Was bagged in the South African press for not being up to it and then played as one of the imports in the final winning side.
David Warner – Delhi
163 runs @ av 28 sr 123 hs 50
Outshone Sehwag and Gambhir at the top of the order, but never really broke free. His fielding was probably his highlight, some of his efforts were amazing.
Dirk Nannes – Delhi
15 wickets @ 24 econ 7.51 bb 3/27
Started off with an average performance or two and the commentators and press questioned why he was in the side. 5 games in and he was being pronounced as rare diamond. Probably didn’t take as many wickets as he would have wanted, but was unplayable when he got it right. Definitely the best performed of this bunch, and even with Gilly’s punishment in the semi, has come away with a lew legion of fans.
For Andrew Hilditch
J Kallis
A Gilchrist
H Gibbs
MS Dhoni
J Oram
S Jakati
JP Duminy X 2
D Bravo
S Ganguly
M Van Wyk
D Ravi Teja
G Smith
S Jayasuriya
P Shah
That is the list of cricketers that Dirty Dirk Nannes has got out in the IPL.
Not bad for a bloke not good enough for the top 30 twenty20 cricketers in Australia.
You’re right Andrew, he has done well domestically.
Cricket with balls is now in print. Click here and buy the book, Dirk would want you to.
Late nights, john coltrane and a wandering mind
I want to stay up and report on the ashes squad.
I really do.
But I am so tired I just don’t think I will make it.
I think I fell asleep before and dreamt that the reason the squad hasn’t been announced yet is because Andrew Hilditch can’t get hold of Andrew McDonald to tell him he is dropped.
McDonald, who being the fairly relaxed country boy he is, forgot about the squad and turned his phone off so Hilditch couldn’t get through.
Hilditch couldn’t work out what hotel Delhi were staying at, so in a panic he calls Glenn McGrath and Greg Shipperd, but both their phones are off, and the only other person he can contact is Dirty Dirk Nannes.
He calls Dirk, and wakes up the snarling beast, who when he finds out who it is, screams a beastial roar into the phone and then tells Hilditch he won’t wake McDonald up to tell him he is dropped and turns his phone off.
Ofcourse it was only a dream.
Since I wont be up when they announce the real team, this is my guess:
Ricky Ponting, Michael Clarke, Stuart Clark, Brad Haddin, Nathan Hauritz, Ben Hilfenhaus, Phillip Hughes, Michael Hussey, Mitchell Johnson, Simon Katich, Brett Lee, Graham Manou, Marcus North, Andrew Symonds, Peter Siddle, Shane Watson.
Let’s see if I can read Hilditch’s mind.
CWB and Dirk are friends again
Everyone has been talking about it.
The feud between this site, and Dirty Dirk Nannes.
After Dirk said this to cricinfo,
“What’s the dumbest nickname anyone’s given you?
“Dirty Dirk”. I just hate it. I don’t know how it came about.”
We were hurt.
We suggested he would be buskin’ Kenny G tunes without us.
Turns out Dirk wasn’t slagging us off.
When he was questioned by one of our reporters about the slight he said,
“It’s kind of a nickname that you like to see written, but never heard from people on the street. This in no way reflects my feelings towards your literature, which as ever, I find to be insightful, hard hitting, frank and jocular.”
Then he roared loudly, and was gone.
The moral of all this is if you see Dirty Dirk Nannes in a street/bar/supermarket/abattoir, don’t call him Dirty Dirk, but on here or in your own home you can use it till your heart is content.
The love is restored.
CWB gets slagged off by Dirty Dirk
“What’s the dumbest nickname anyone’s given you?
“Dirty Dirk”. I just hate it. I don’t know how it came about.”
Dirk Nannes on some website.
He knows, oh how he knows.
Without this website he’d be busking Kenny G numbers out the front of Flinders St Station.
He also says that Brad Hodge troubles him, now that we believe.
Gideon jumps on the Dirty Dirk Dragon
Gideon Haigh is a very repsected cricket writer, way to respected to stick around here and read this filth.
So he probably didn’t hear about Dirk Nannes from here.
Thanks to the IPL (God bless little Lalit), even Gideon has heard of Dirk.
And Gideon loves him.
So much so that he wants him to run the ICC.
I don’t see Dirk as some lowly cricket administrcrat.
I see him as a Genghis Khanian Galactic overlord.
Dirk van Nannes
The Dutch team has finally been announced, and there is our boy, Dirty Dutch Dirk.
The only other player i know is Essex’s Ryan ten Doeschate, who is a handy all rounder.
This is my team for the world t20 thingy, fuck Australia.
If they don’t want Dirk, I don’t want them.
Squad: Jeroen Smits (capt & wk), Peter Borren, Mudassar Buhkari, Tom De Grooth, Maurits Jonkman, Alexei Kervezee, Dirk Nannes, Ruud Nijman, darren Reekers, Edgar Schiferli, Pieter Seelaar, Eric Szwarczynski, Ryan ten Doeschate, Dan van Bunge, Bas Zuiderent
The world falls in love with a big hairy Victorian
It was bound to happen.
You need to be a cold blooded animal to not fall in love with Dirty Dirk Nannes.
The man is all raucous masculinity, a puffing, screaming, bowling beast who gives his all with out really knowing what the outcome will be.
What’s not to love?
He may have started slowly in the IPL, but once the big fella got warmed up his first 5 wickets were Kallis, Gilchrist, Gibbs, Oram and Dhoni.
How about hanging those heads up on the wall.
Sehwag has said this about his hirsute behemoth,
“He is the fastest bowler I have played against.”
Our god is so awestruck he doesn’t even realise he hasn’t played against Dirk yet.
The IPL commentators started off not seeming to know anything about him other than he was fast.
Blewett was quick to bag any wide ball or flaw, others said he was a failed experiment, but now they are lining up to get on their knees in front of him.
Nicholas can’t stop mentioning how Dirk bowls quicker than the speed gun, or that he is good enough to play for Australia in any form of cricket.
The others keep saying he must be close to Australian selection, something that the 30 man twenty20 squad seems to argue with.
Every day there seems to be more and more about him in the Indian press, even if it all appears to be roughly the same article edited a different way.
Dirk is lovin’ the media attention, this is what he has had to say.
“I’d fall asleep on the weekend on the couch in the afternoon watching Curtly Ambrose steaming in, Malcolm Marshall and Joel Garner, all those guys, yeah, I looked up to the West Indies pace attack.”
“I never had any real aspirations to play international cricket, I just kind of fell into it. I always played in the backyard with my brother, but I was in the thirds at school and in the thirds at my club side,”
“I will tell me grandchildren that I was responsible for keeping out the greatest fast bowler of all times of a playing XI”
Love live Dirty Dirk.
Dirty Dirk wins the game: As tweeted
I didn’t live blog the last Dirk over, as I was tweeting at the time.
Here is the tweets.
Could this come down to Dirty Dirk Vs Albie the racist dragon?
Morkel at the non strikers, the tail is in, 15 off 6, Dirk to bowl
weird swipe, gets 2, lukcy to not hole out or go for 4
another 2, nice swipe again
great yorker, straight to warner, run out, albie on strike 11 from 3 come on dirk you magnificent bastard
Best game of the IPL so far
great ball big man, another yorker another run out, albie is still there
11 off 2, come on dirk
YOu did it dirk, you hairy mother fucker, well done, Australia couldbn’t beat Albie, but dirk does, stick that up your ass hilditch
Murali swings like only he can, Dirk beats him, this was Dirk’s win, where are the naysayers now.
