Tagged with ms dhoni

Can India win without MS Dhoni?

Probably.

But on the evidence of the last test, you’d have to say that India, and Sehwag, would much prefer a fit Dhoni in the hot seat.

India don’t need to win this test, but do they really want to travel to New Zealand for only one win.

Sehwag’s captaincy, (which had all the hallmarks of a born again Christian coach pulling the strings behind him) was horrible.

No one wants to see that again.

Well Kiwis probably do.

India seem to be a flat average team the minute Dhoni isn’t in charge.

Against Sri Lanka, Australia and New Zealand, India have looked much toothless without him.

New Zealand’s best chance (read only chance) to win, is if Dhoni is out.

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Dhoni’s over

I missed it.

Give me the goss.

What did he bowl?

Were the any scares?

Was his waddle hynotic?

Tell me….

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Call someone a name, that’ll wake up the fans

Is Yuvraj a pie chucker, well no, he is more of a doorknob distributor.

That is splitting hairs, but an interesting distinction.

Ms Dhoni did a clever thing by bringing on the doorknob distributor.

He had a spell over KP, and it was a clever tactic.

Thing is, KP is one of those.

Those who need extra stimuli to play better.

The piechucker comments are part of that for him, he wants Yuvraj to come back at him.

KP does his best work when he feels like the world hates him.

He is a sick man.

And not just because he is South African.

Ofcourse all this means fuck all in this drawn test match.

We should be thankful for the piechuckergate though, because if this test match was abandoned a couple of days ago, it might have taken most of us a couple of days to notice it had happened.

Today they will go through the motions again.

And the “series” will finish without a bang, or a woo hoo, or a yee ha.

And congratulations to Gotham City, playing a whole test on qualudes is something special.

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Dhoni Disgusted

What the hell is going on with India.

They have just one an important series, they have just got their dream captain, and they are 3 zip up in this series.

Other places may be full of joy happiness and love ins.

Not India.

Dhoni was so pissed that Rp Singh was going to be assed for Irfan Pathan, he apparently offered his resignation.

How do we know this, because it leaked.

How much more angry did this make Dhoni, lots more angry.

Dhoni probably wasn’t really resigning, he was probably just trying to make a point.

But now his and the selectorial business is all out in the open.

This is not how successful teams behave.

This is for teams that are falling apart at the seams.

Get it together India, selection squabbles should only come out years alter when big book deals have been signed.

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In bed with MS Dhoni

Long time readers may well acquainted with the In bed with… series. If not, feel free to browse other titles in the collection. Jacques Kallis, Monty, Mike Hussey, Daniel Vettori, and Shane Watson.

But remember these are adults only, as children should be shielded from sex at all costs, because it is not a natural part of life.

You hear about him before you see him, he doesn’t have much of a reputation, but there is a buzz about him.

But then after a drunken night you find yourself in a closet with him, and while he doesn’t move the way you would like, he gets the job done.

The quickies are fun with him, and you decide he could be a keeper.

So you set about planning a long term relationship with him, but he doesn’t perform for you at all, at times he has trouble even getting erect.

You figure the long term serious stuff is not his thing, so you break it off.

Occasionally you text a young guy, and there are still the odd rendezvous with your favourite classy old man.

But there is something about MS, maybe it’s the hair, and you can’t discard him so easily.

You have fun with him, and more than often he gets you off, you can’t really argue with that.

He keeps calling and calling, and eventually you fall for him again, this time it’s by his terms, and then you’re in an ongoing casual thing with him.

With him in charge it all goes great, but you still think you may want more, but he has nothing of it, and even though not everything runs smoothly, you trust his judgement.

Then your relationship goes back to the quickie mode, usually you’d be disappointed with the frivolous nature, but you are besotted by him now.

Usually you’d need two other beaus at once to feel this excited, but you haven’t returned the calls of Partiv in ages, and Anil can no longer get you there.

You have decided Dhoni is going to be your guy, but the constant speed gets to him, he needs a break.

It cuts you deep, and you doubt whether he is going to be there in the long run.

You continue seeing the older gentleman and even the younger guy, even though you know it isn’t the same.

Dhoni gets jealous by this and comes back out of the woodwork, now he seems fit and hungry, and he is even willing to do things with you that you cannot believe.

At first these strange erotic things worry you, but in his soft hands you feel secure.

However now he seems calmer and more mature, might be the new hair, and you let him be in charge anyway he wants to.

When you first feel that silk scarf around your neck, ever tightening, you start to panic, but he puts you at ease, and by the end, you and him fall deeper in love.

You know he is the man for you, your heart skips a beat every time he waddles in your direction.

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who has the magic beans

Has there ever been a series of cricket with two vainer more confident captains than this one.

I wouldn’t think so.

India should win easily, but you never know what England is going to turn up.

The one that beat South Africa was on fire.

KP stuck his hand in a toilet looking for a gold fish and just found gold.

Then he went to Antigua and started to think.

Clearly not about batting.

It’s easy to say it’s a blip, but losing a million dollars a man plays with your head.

Same thing happened to me once, I lost 50 bucks at the footy, couldn’t concentrate on the game that day at all.

So what England turns up here, the pumped up cohesive machine, or the deflated ass clowns.

And what about India, is there going to be any of that job done type attitude settling in.

One of India’s biggest problem has always been stringing winning series together.

Now, for probably the first time, they have a chance to be the number one test and one day team.

Beating Australia was a great effort, but if they lose to England, all they will have proved is they have a team that plays good cricket against one nation.

India’s form outside of Australian series still isn’t that good.

Its ordinary.

But Dhoni is in charge now, and we are about to find out if he is a great captain, or just a breath of fresh air before a life of breathing in crap.

I’m thinking India will win the white ball games, and it will be a draw in the test series.

That is if you can call 2 tests a series.

Whoever organised 2 tests should be forced to eat their penis, raw.

Or if they are a lady, they should eat their boobie.

If you haven’t signed up for the jelly bean cup yet, CWB’s fantasy league, you still can, just give me an email at cwb@cricketwithballs.com and put jelly beans in the subject line.

You know you want to beat me, and remember, the winner gets a post written about whatever they want.

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Could Dhoni be the best captain in world cricket?

It’s a scary question, not because Dhoni can’t captain, he can, but can anyone else.

Australia has Ponting, who may not be in the job much longer, especially now 2 mad quick bowlers on are on the case.

Bangladesh has Crashraful, who while being the coolest batsman to watch go out, can’t really find a way to teach the kittens anything, especially since he is still a kitten himself.

England have KP, who talks the talk and fires up his team mates, but so far seems to not really understand fielding positions or games for cash.

New Zealand plumped for Daniel Vettori, he has glasses, so people assume he is intelligent, I haven’t seen many occurrences of this just yet.

Pakistan doesn’t have a team anymore, and when they did, they had a work experience kid looking after the boys.

Sri Lanka has Mahela, and lots of people rate him as a captain, I think he captains by numbers, and he never goes outside the lines.

South Africa chose Graeme Smith years ago, and just don’t have the balls to get rid of him, he is improving as a captain, by the time he is 43, he will be a great one.

West Indies picked Gayle, who doesn’t really want the job, but actually does a pretty good job from time to time in spite of it.

Not a golden era for Captains.

More a dark brown era.

Dhoni may not have been tested much so far, the Australian team certainly didn’t provide much in his two tests, but he has done well with limited opportunities.

He won the 2020 smells like world cup thingy.

He beat Australia and Sri Lanka during the Adam Gilchrist goodbye tour.

He almost one the IPL, if it wasn’t for the damn Warne.

And he was 2 zip in this series, while Kumble was zip zip.

It’s not so much the numbers though, it’s the way he reads the game, the way he takes chances, and the way he builds up his team mates.

The worst captaining I have seen him do was on the 5th day, but that is the only time i have seen him be overly defensive, and lose the plot for a little while.

We all saw the difference when Kumble left the field in the first test, it was if Dhoni went around taking out butt plugs from every player, or putting them in i suppose.

The waddling model may turn out to be another dud, but right at the moment he is the closest thing world cricket has to real captain type captain, well outside the IPL anyway.

Ofcourse he would be a better captain if he regained his old hair cut.

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the day that was

Australia

Australia hit the snooze button today, at least they got some rest for the next test… oh.

India

India went all out defense after all out attack, and it worked, which is weird, as India usually look at their worst when the defend.

They did pick the best two batsmen to tie down, as sometimes those 2 do it just for kicks.

Who is in front

India, and being that they coulnd’t play Krejza as stupid again, they should stay there with a draw or a victory.

Play of the day

Has to be the run out of Hussey.

It was a run out of chance and great reflections, but its real comedic value lies in Hussey’s face as he suddenly works out that the ball is in Vijay’s hand.

Priceless.

Testicular moment of the day

Dhoni, 8-1 fields may divide opinions, but they take balls to set, even if they get a bit tedious after a while.

Working Class man of the day

Cameron White has probably never batted slower.

He really stuck it out, and all he needed was someone to really stay with him and he could have given India a real scare.

Michael Vaughan award

Look perfect in defence, and still get bowled.

Congrats Shane, you have joined rarefied company.

I believe the Suave one would say, Fail.

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the day that was

Australia

Until Lunch it was business as usual.

Then Krejza took Australia on a wonderful ride.

And Katich took over after tea.

India

India somehow went from Trophy holders to nervous ninnies.

It was the collapse that India had resisted so far in the series.

But they did it in style, and then were worked over by two left handers.

Who is in front

India still has the lead, but Australia are in the game, and they are dangerous.

Tomorrow it could be all level.

Play of the day

Mishra’s debut with the bat.

It lasted one ball, in his 3rd test, and he missed what can be described as a deceptively straight one from Krazy Krejza.

Testicular moment of the day

Can’t really look past Krejza can you.

He stood tall amongst the carnage on day one, but on day two he walked through another attack and then did something that no thought he had in him.

He took 8 wickets, and brought india down.

Working Class man of the day

Someone woke up Simon Katich.

Not only did he make runs, but he did so quickly, and took the day away from India.

Brain Fade of the day

Dhoni looks the goods as a captain, and has been batting pretty well in this series.

But what the fuck?

That shot was just all sorts of ugly, and it started a collapse.

Brain Fade of the day II

Australia got off to a great start with the bat.

And just as they looked like really pushing ahead, hayden hits the ball straight to mid on and runs.

He almost made it, if it wasn’t for Khan’s manly shoulders and the fact India had their best fielder there, he might have made it.

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a tale of two skippers

Australia has played two test series in one this year.

The first one has been against Anil Kumble’s team, Australia has done pretty well against them, but can’t take 20 wickets.

The second series is against MS Dhoni’s men, and in the first test they were destroyed.

Anhiliated.

Seriously fucked up.

So now that the king of the straight one is gone, Australia have a hell of a time levelling this series.

Not only do they need to overcome their 20 wicket hoodoo, but they need to overcome Dhoni’s magical waddle, and perhaps that is a bridge too far.

The Indian team loves his swaying hips and can’t wait to get into action with him.

This should be enough to win the series even if Australia has regained some composure.

So far not an exciting series, the best we can hope for is deep into this test for both teams to have a chance of winning and no draws in sight.

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