Tagged with dale steyn …

Feb 10 2008
Uncategorized

batsmen need culling

The G had grass on the wicket, so there was a different kind of one day game played last night.

You may remember this kind, where bowlers enjoy themselves.

The Indian bowlers enjoyed themselves immensely and the Aussies ended up 150 odd.

The Aussie bowlers were frothing at the mouth to get to the wicket, but when they got there they were too anxious, you know what I’m talking about ladies.

Most people don’t like one dayers when the bowlers dictate.

But most people are idiots.

My perfect one day game would be one team making 184, and the other making 183 and Inzy getting run out.

Perhaps I remember them fondly from my youth, or perhaps, I’m a cricket sadist.

Batsmen get it all too easy these days, how else could you explain Sourav Ganguly and Graeme Smith.

Flat decks, ropes in the outfield, hard replacement balls, and 20 over field restrictions are making batsmen look good.

Who wants to see batsmen look good all the time.

I want to see them bleed, I want them to count their bruises at the end of a match, I want them to be stumped by 4 meters and then fall over in a final act of indecency.

I want them to be publicly pantsed.

I want them to be so angry they hit the dude who opens the gate for them.

I want a batsman to go insane with rage and start a battle to the death with the bowler who has just got him out.

I want wickets with more life in them than a Mormon.

I want wickets who practice adultery, go to swingers parties, engage in public fornication and enjoy all the pleasures of anal $ex.

I want Shaun Tait to come back and literally rip the throat out of some poor helpless English opening batsmen with a ball on a good length.

I want Murali to spin the ball so far he has to land them off the cut strip.

I want a ban on elbow guards, inner thigh pads, chest guards and any other nancy boy protection.

I want Tony Greig to be publicly executed for bringing “crash helmets” into cricket.

I want tail enders to think about how much they love their family before they get in behind a Dale Steyn delivery.

I want batsmen to get hit on the first morning of a match, and to get bamboozled by spin of the last afternoon.

I want blood, carnage and wickets.

I want to know a batsmen can bat, not just watch him flay away bowlers on wickets flatter than an 8 year olds chest.

I want pain, lots and lots of pain, for batsmen and the families, mental, physical and otherwise.

I want bowlers to rule again.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
Tagged , , , ,
Jan 10 2008
windies

front page

People who don’t live in Australia often think that Australia is cricket mad.

But as I have said before, cricket is only the number one sport here because Victorians and NSWelshman like different codes of football.

Plus we like sports we are good at, how else could swimming be so popular here.

In New Zealand, rugby union is king. This is a sport where people with large necks throw a ball backwards and run into each other.

Even in England, Soccer or as the purists call it, Association football, is far more popular than Cricket. I don’t think Freddy Flintoff gets more media than Becks, even though he is more talented.

In the western world, cricket is having a renaissance of sorts, but it will always struggle against football codes.

To prove my point I will use the current SCG storm in a tea cup as proof.

The game finished on the 6th.

The front page nonsense started on the 7th.

But on the 10th, front page of Melbourne’s biggest Murdoch paper has an Aussie Rules football story about Collingwood, my mob, who have lost their sponsorship agreement with the transport accident commission.

One of their players, a guy called Sharrod, blew three times the illegal limit of blood in his alcohol, and since Collingwood’s job was to promote safe driving, they lost their sponsorship deals.

Mind you, I think its his parents fault for calling him Sharrod.

Cricket Australia is at war with India, Peter Roebuck, and retired Australian sporting stars, but Sharrod gets front page.

India is at war with Australia, the West Indies, and just bent the ICC over, but Sharrod gets front page.

Dale Steyn is at war with a cripple, but still Sharrod gets front page.

It’s not even that interesting a news item.

Right now cricket is big here, but any time a story about a footballer p1ssing on a bar or flashing himself at a bunch of schoolgirls comes out, it can relegate cricket back a few pages.

Mind you i think its a good thing, if too many people thought of cricket as their favourite sport i wouldn’t get good seats when the Vics play.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
Tagged , , ,
Jan 07 2008
Uncategorized

anil’s comments

Anil’s comments seemed odd to me.

But if the game was a draw and Bhajji and Roy weren’t at war, we probably would have forgotten them already.

Some of his appeals off his own bowling were horrible, in this very match.

He appeals for LB’s that wouldn’t hit over sized novelty stumps.

What bowler doesn’t?

His team mate Sehwag was once suspended for excessive appealing, possibly the worst decision i can remember.

A bowler or fielders job is to appeal when they think there is a chance of a wicket.

And so they should, cause their jobs as bowlers or fielders is to ask the umpire if the batsmen is out.

You hear a noise, you appeal, you hit a pad, you appeal.

Your at square leg and your bowler hits the pads, everyone appeals, you join in.

No bowler only appeals for balls he knows are out. Sometimes we appeal for balls we know aren’t out, just to put pressure on the batsmen, sometimes we do it to work on the umpire for the one that is out.

It’s not in the spirit of the game, but all nationalities of cricketers do this.

Australia put a lot of pressure on the umpires yesterday, no more than I have seen in Lahore or Mumbai.

Michael Clarke didn’t walk when he got caught at slip. Probably cause Australians don’t walk. I saw a guy get bowled one day and stood his ground.

Batsmens Job, batting.

Bowlers job, bowling.

Umpirs job, making decisions.

Harbhajan did something that Roy didn’t like, and something followed, of which I am sure Roy will spin and Harbhajan will spin.

So far Harbhajan hasn’t spun it well.

South Africa let a batsman use a runner, even though they were planning on making him bowl the same day. He did bowl, he bowled quite a few overs. How can you be fit enough to bowl, but not run.

Some people will call that cheating, others weak officialling, i call it the way South Africa play their cricket.

Arjuna used to call for a runner cause he was fat.

There isn’t a test team that hasn’t tested the rules.

I hear a lot about the spirit of the game, I’m not even sure what it means anymore.

I do know this.

Bowlers and fielders have always appealed for balls they are not sure about.

Australians generally don’t walk.

And cricketers have disagreements on the field.

These days if your Indian or Australian and you fart it makes international head lines.

Anil is a legend of cricket, but there is no doubt he goes about his cricket in a different way to Australia.

He is a very intelligent guy, so why would he go into honesty pacts with Australians.

I wouldn’t trust my mum in backyard cricket, especially with catches.

My problem is with the hypocritical nature of Australians wanting people to trust us on certain things and not on others.

But thats my next post.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
Tagged , , ,
Jan 05 2008
windies

Oh no you didn’t

…
From time to time, I like to call South Africans evil.

I’m not sure if they are really evil, like say republicans or reality Tv producers, but they do seem to have a large proportion of people who are extremely hard to like.

Actually, how about I put it this way, they are probably evil in a cricket sense, but I’m sure they donate to charity, give bibles to poor children (who hopefully burn them for warmth) or help their maids carry out the bins.

Why was I talking about this, ok got it, Cape Town, Evil Empire vs the Windies.

Shivnarine “Lord Megachief” was still at the crease, he had just shared a partnership with Fidel Edwards, a man whose batting skill is questionable at best. Before today his average was below 4.

Ol SHiv decides to let Fidel take the strike (seen this before), and after playing and missing by at least 6 inches for about 10 balls I switched over to a film, a black & white Clooney film to be exact. Seen it before, but I hate to see South Africa win.

After a few minutes I switched back, somehow, against all logic, Fidel started to hit the ball and got himself to 20 odd.

The Evil empire were sledging him, probably a bit too much due to his number 11 skill level. I may be Australian, and I may love sledging, but any team who abuses a number 11 for getting away a few slogs is a bit low.

Unless it’s Victoria, they can do no wrong.

I flicked between Senator Joe attacking Ed Murrow, and Fidel swinging away like a drunken farmer. Both were hard to watch. Eventually he fell on his shovel.

This left the Windies with a 9 for a 110ish lead.

Even though Fidel was number 11, Chris Gayle came in next, he had retired hurt earlier in the innings, not content with his d1cky hammy, he had copped one on the glove from Nel which had shattered his thumb.

He said he would bat if necessary.

Apparently he deemed it necessary.

South Africa did what any team full of fast bowlers would have done, they bowled short and aimed at his broken thumb.

Problem is Gayle just swung away, in one over from Nel, he hit him for 16. Sometimes with just one hand on the bat.

He defended a ball from the left arm oddodox Paul Harris and winced, so next ball he slogged him over mid wicket.

Gayle then smashed Steyn for consecutive sixes, I mentioned he had a broken thumb didn’t I.

After the two sixes, Steyn gets Gayle caught on the rope at long on for 38 off 48 balls.

A 70 odd partnership with Lord Megachief.

Steyn then sends him off.

I sh1t you not, he sends off a batsmen who has just hit him for 12 runs in two balls with a broken thumb.

And it wasn’t a subtle Sreesanth send off. He turned and screamed at him, then other South Africans tried to push him off the field, and he continued to scream at him.

Gayle was Gayle, he looked pretty unfazed by it. But Steyn continued some sort of evil tirade against him.

How many batsmen in world cricket would bat with a newly fractured thumb?

Of the few who would, how many would hit 38 off 48 balls with at least 3 sixes (that I saw).

The man comes from the hospital to play when his country needs him, probably against all medical advice, and then he gets some short balls and puts them in the crowd, and they abuse him.

What sort of team is this?

I can understand frustration, I can understand a fast bowler getting angry, I can understand being hit for sixes (too well), but screaming at a guy who did what Gayle did is a pretty low act.

Another thing to add to my Evil South Africa list.

& another thing to add to my Chris Gayle is a cool mofo file.

Good Night & Good Luck.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
Tagged , , , ,
Jan 05 2008
windies

cape town observations

…
I haven’t watched much of the South Africa vs West Indies test, about a session a night, but I do have some observations.

Either Shivnarine is a shocking batsman when playing with the tail, or he just can’t be bothered holding up his side any more.

Ntini never smiles. Not ever. And he is looking old, he looks older than Morgan Freeman in the Shawshank redemption.

Jacques Kallis has got fat, after all these years I finally have the physique of an international all rounder.

Dwayne Bravo is getting better, but he is not a test number 6.

Rawl Lewis is the worst test number 8 my father has ever seen.

Edwards, Powell, Bravo, and Taylor may not be the players of old, but on a pitch with a bit of life they are bloody good options.

Edwards or Taylor (it was late and I was tired) bowled 6 straight bouncers at Mark Boucher. Hit him twice. Possible my favourite over to a South African ever.

Paul Harris is an odd dude.

Andre Nel is insane. But also, he is the closest thing we have seen to Merv Hughes in years. Should be dropped for being too entertaining.

Steyn is a handy bowler, but when Gayle got going, Steyn lost the plot completely.

Steyn batted with a runner, and then bowled in the next innings. Ummm, wtf?

Its funny when a South African gets run out for 98. Even if it’s only Ashwell Prince.

Amla is actually more boring than Jacques Kallis, who knew that was possible?

Chris Gayle is still a cool mother fu©ker, even if he has a glass thumb and d1cky hammy.

Geoffrey is back, beware ladies.

Allan Donald should not be allowed to speak into a microphone.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
Tagged , , , , , , , , ,
Dec 26 2007
Uncategorized

Boxing Day Test #2

The second Test match in progress, beginning on Boxing day is out of South Africa, with the home nation hosting the once mighty West Indies.

The West Indies were sent in and quite suprisingly have made a very strong fist of things up until tea time. Gayle and Ganga, a ying and yang combination if you have ever seen one, put on a very solid and relatively risk free 98 for the first wicket. Gayle contributed 66 and Ganga 33.

Dale Steyn has continued his good form bowling fast, but at times a little wayward. Marlon Samuels has moved onto a well made 45 and the great rock Chanderpaul has just joined him at the crease. This pair has seen the score move onto 3/193.

The immortal Graeme Smith has reached a milestone, captaining South Africa for the 50th time in Test cricket……..quite amazing for a no talent thug wanna be. He moves within 3 Tests of tieing the equally impressive individual, the late great Hansie Cronje, who we all remember for almost single handedly ruining the great game of Test cricket.

This one may be worth watching in the coming days, if the West Indies can hold their nerve………

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
Tagged , , , ,
Nov 16 2007
Uncategorized

my phantom fantasy make believe test match

Stumps in my fantasy game thingy

Australia and (evil) South Africa both had ripping first days.

I’d say it is all even in my books.

South Africa took 8 wickets, Australia made 330.

Dale Steyn would have troubled Phil Jacques today, but you’d think Hussey would have still made runs.

I’m thinking the Aussies would have been about 5 for 280 odd.

It’s still anyones game.

This is still far more interesting than the actual tests.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
Tagged , , ,
Nov 12 2007
15 Comments
Uncategorized

South Africa v New Zealand

South Africa completed a comprehensive thrashing of the Kiwis yesterday, in what can only be described as a major disappointment. The match started promisingly, with NZ bowling SA out for what looked a below par score of 226.

In reply, New Zealand started nervously, losing two wickets in a testing spell before stumps on the second day.

With the departure of nightwatchman, Shane Bond, early on day 3, Stephen Fleming did something he has made a career out of. Fleming, on 40, and set, flashed at a ball outside his off stump and proceeded to give De Villiers catching practise at second slip. Needless to say, it was a ball he should have left. This moment was the turning point in the whole Test for mine, as NZ capitilated insipidly for 108 following his dismissal.

The rest, as they say, is history, as SA posted a mammoth 3/422 declared, the Kiwis bowling and fielding, listless, as Kallis and Amla poured on the pain. The Kiwis rolled over in their second innings for 172 to hand SA an easy win.

Amla made an epic 8 hour 176,right on cue, following a royal bagging from myself last week. I stick to my guns on him as this was only his second score above 71 in Test cricket and those two scores were both achived against the hapless Kiwis. The performance of Dale Steyn to take 10 wickets for the match was also noteworthy.

The Kiwis face a massive task to turn this around considering injuries sustained to key players Jacob Oram and Shane Bond, who are both extremely unlikely to make it to the next Test starting line. With openers Cumming and Papps well out of their depth and Styris and Taylor out of form, the Kiwis are in big trouble.

Where the hell is Lou Vincent or those Marshall marshmallows? Surely they would put up a better fight…………Maybe a late night phone call to Craig McMillan?
www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,
Newer posts →
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 9,031 other followers