Tagged with cindy nel …

May 28 2008
general balls

MacGill Monty Miriam Threesome

OK person who googled the title of this post four times to get to the site instead of KEEPING YOUR SICK FANTASIES TO YOURSELF, you win. Here is your post.
The answer to your googlequery is: that is one heck of a wierd threesome and I do NOT want in. In fact, I now need some, or possibly all, of the following to scrub from my brain the vision that you have implanted:
  • Soap
  • Lysol
  • Brillo pad
  • A refiner’s fire
  • 100 Hail Mary’s
  • Night out drinking Chumbawamba cocktails on an empty stomach
  • Concussion from Brett Lee or James Anderson
  • That flashy blinky thing from “Men In Black”
  • Lobotomy

If, however, IF I happened to be into the kind of thing that you, googler, are clearly into (and I’m saying nothing), and if you happened to google any of the following, the answer would be ohgodyesplease:

  • Vettori Oram Miriam Threesome (needs absolutely no explanation)
  • Dhoni Gony Miriam Threesome (oh the pretty ones)
  • Dirty Dirk Eyelids Miriam Threesome (I have a thing for the Vics in England, so sue me)
  • Ryder Chawla Miriam Threesome (I can’t begin to explain this even if I tried, and I probably shouldn’t).

Other wacky google searches from today:

why are some men so vain (because they are trying to compensate for something)

england v new zealand chasing inflatable jelly bean (oh, alright, it’s here)

and all of the following:

  1. cricketer’s sisters supermodels
  2. cricketer’s supermodel wives
  3. south african cricketer sister supermodel
  4. supermodel sister of famous cricketer
  5. supermodel wives to famous cricketers
  6. which cricketer has supermodel sister
  7. which cricketer sister and wife are supermodels?

(as you want to know so badly, your persistence is rewarded: you are probably looking for Cindy Nel, but (a) she’s no longer Jacques Kallis’ girlfriend, and (b) I’m not actually sure that she is Andre Nel’s sister. The other possibility I can think of is Neil McKenzie, whose sister Megan is a model. Honestly, I am way too good to you people).

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
Tagged , , , ,
May 16 2008
Uncategorized

jacques online

Jacques Kallis has a website.

True story.

http://www.kallis.co.za/index.htm

It has all the information on Jacques you have ever wanted.

For instance his middle name is Henry.

Steve Waugh once said of him.

“We’ve tried everything against this guy, but we can’t find a weakness in his game”.

The site goes on to say,

“His mental strength is his primary weapon and if the Australians can’t get to him then no other side probably can.”

Even though he averages a mere 19 runs less against Australia than anyone else.

He has a scholarship. “

To combine the academic and life skills programmes of existing school structures with the funding and mentorship from Jacques Kallis.”

Jacques, the rich, arrogant and balding Mr Chipps.

He also answers the tough questions.

Can you cook, if so what is your strength No can’t cook.

But you can afford about a dozen chefs who work around the clock i bet.

Favourite music All types.

Really Jacques, you like afro salsa trip hop as well?

Favourite actor/actress Neve Campbell.

Wow.

Products I use for my hair and body I use all Sanex products for my hair, feet and body.

Lucky they are your major sponsors, other wise you’d have to spend a fortune, well not on your hair.

Marital status dating Sharmone Jardim.

Sorry?

What the fuck happened to Cindy? Why was I not informed of this?

I have tried to friend this Sharmone Jardim on facebook, to find answers, but so far she has not granted my request.

Thinking that a website run by the man himself may be wrong I did some research, and guess what, Cindy and he broke up ages ago.

According to Saffa cricket, it was 2006.

“Nell’s agent Kendra Houghton, confirmed that the two were no longer a couple and said they were still good friends. She said the break-up was due to their busy schedules.”

Yet commenters on this blog led me to believe he was still in a sick and twisted relationship with Cindy.

This is simply not true, the sick and twisted relationship is with Shamone (also spelt Sharmone on the same site) Jardim.

So my Cindy’s pre game ritual post, has been edited to reflect Shamone Jardim.

Which isn’t nearly as funny, as she is not related to any of the players, least of all the ax wielding Andre.

After I carefully re worded my Cindy’s pre game ritual post, I went back to read up about Shamone Jardim.


“I wanted to share some news with you that has certainly made me very happy. I have a new lady in my life and her name is Shamone Jardim. It is so nice to date a girl that is dating me for who I am and not someone who is looking to further her career out of a relationship. I am very happy at the moment and she is a very special girl.” Jacques Kallis

Is he saying Cindy was dating him to further her career?

Fair enough really, it probably wasn’t your looks that got Cindy in, and your personality would never be considered dynamic, so what else is a girl left with, a love of men who love themselves, or men that have an average over 50.

Great website, I suggest you all take a look.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
Tagged , ,
Feb 09 2008
Uncategorized

Graeme is desperate and dateless

I’m a big fan of quotes.

Always been a thing of mine.

Cricinfo has a quotes section on their site and I love going over there, mind you its about the only section of cricinfo I read these days.

I found this one the other day.

“It’s kind of hard to go on one date, have a nice dinner and then say: ‘That was nice – what are you doing in six weeks’ time? I’m going to Chittagong.’” Graeme Smith in an interview with the Cape Times on why he is still single

I’m not an expert on what ladies find attractive or not, but surely being the captain of your country, playing cricket professionally and travelling the world would entice some silly little girl into saying “I wuv you smithy”.

The bigger question may be, is it possible to have dinner with Graeme Smith and for it to be nice.

I suggest four reasons that could explain why Graeme Smith doesn’t have a girlfriend.

One, because he is a homosexual. By calling Graeme Smith a potential man lover, I apologise to the whole gay community in the sincere way that Eminem did.

Two, because he likes to shag around, and who can blame him, it’s the women who lower themselves I blame.

Three, because he is a ©unt.

Four, because he is a fu©king south african ©unt.

Seriously Graeme, in a world where Jacques Kallis goes out with Cindy Nel and blokes like Lyle Lovett and Tom Green have dated hollywood royalty, I’m sure you can find some pathetic creature who is a blind deaf mute, with a limp, to share those cold and lonely nights in Chittagong.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
Tagged ,
Jan 30 2008
general balls

google $ex with evil dragons

I had a discussion with a very intelligent cricket fan the other day, and she, (yes she you misogynist pig), is a really good sheila, the sort of chick you could have a bevy with whilst pretending to look into her eyes.

We were talking about google, and the sort of things people type into the search engine to find my site.

You see I like talking about myself, because it’s the only thing I’m almost an expert on.

I was telling this lass about the amount of times that women, (I’m assuming), type in things like

“aiden blizzard” + girlfriend (fair enough, according to some he’s dreamy)
david hussey girlfriend cricket (interesting choice)
adam voges girlfriend (big helmets are all the rage this year)
cameron white cricket girlfriend (the vics are popular)
mitchell johnson girlfriend cricket (labret piercing are hot)

It’s quite disturbing.

I think the looking falls into two categories.

Girls looking for trophy boyfriends.

Or girls trying to work out if the dude is single since she is shagging him, or on the verge of shagging.

There isn’t a young Australian domestic cricketer who hasn’t been googled with the word girlfriend next to his name.

Is this how the gold diggers work now, they google their potential sap.

These poor boys won’t know how to stop the buxom fake blonde from knowing everything about them and manufacturing their accidental meeting.

You have to feel sorry for the lads, as we all know cricketers hate peroxide and fake boobies.

I think we should stand up for the lads and put a stop to it nowt, if you ladies want a trophy man, either shag me or move on, I aint a fu©ken dating site for the young and the vacuous.

Glad that is cleared up, but people write lots of weird sh1t to get to this site.

Here are some of my favourites.

michael slater slept with adam gilchrist’s wife (oops)
shane watson nude (his new career)
“matthew hayden” christian hypocrite (suave is that you)
paper into * cleavage” (no idea)
afridi underwear lines (hmmm)
are indian balls big (are they)
couple having $ex in grand stand at the cricket (my dream)
cricketer underwear (see below)
cricketer’s underwear (see below)
cricketers caught naked (see below)
cricketers on underwear (do they snort it)
don bradman pissed his pants in cricket (my personal fav)
does trevor like his balls (who knows)
fu©kwit peter roebuck (was only written once)
graeme smith cricket in love with woman (but she thinks he is an ass clown)
how to write article on cricket (wrong site for that)
if i only had a mustache (or pubes)
indian cricketers in an underwear (hinglish porn search)
mark nicholas sycophant (uhum)
michael hussey womaniser? (doubtful)
michael slater coke (not pepsi)
michael slater gilly wife sleep (wife swap)
michael slater is adam gilchrist’s child’s father controversy (not funny)
no ball underwear (over stepping)
perving at the cricket (also known as tony greiging)
rick ponting ©unt (sounds better with a y)
ricky ponting in underwear (nice)
sex with evil dragons (cricket with balls we have sex with evil dragons)
stuart macgill gay voice (more snooty than gay)
underwear of ricky ponting (y fronts)
cricket with balls probot (I’m famous ma)

Oh and Cindy Nel gets the 2nd most hits for a female on here.

Jacques Kallis not so much.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
Tagged , , , , , ,
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