Tagged with chennai super kings …

Apr 24 2009
IPL

How many shirts does Freddie have to sell?

I just finished this post, and then heard Freddie had been sent home because of a dodgy knee.

Bastards, well I’m posting it anyway.

A lot.

No one is getting paid more money than Freddie, and very few are doing less on the field.

His IPL is looking decidedly ordinary.

2 of the worst 3 bowling performances.

His strike rate of 116 is pitiful, and everytime I have seen him bat he has scored more than a few runs to the third man boundary.

He is failing.

It can’t be easy being the top money earner, but at the moment he is playing like 200,000 grand might have been too much.

He is the biggest bust in the IPL by so much even Jacques Kallis is feeling comfortable.

Should we have seen this coming?

I had him as my model for Chennai, reasoning that he was injured and only in town for a limited time.

It gets worse ofcourse

When Freddie played for the world XI he was shit, he had no interest in representing the world.

He loves playing for England and Lancashire.

He strikes me as someone who needs to love the badge on his chest, not sure the Chennai Lion would have that appeal to him.

And it’s showing out on the field.

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Apr 19 2009
IPL

Napoleon Einstein axed

Chennai Super Kings prove they have absolutely no sense of humour.

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Apr 17 2009
IPL

The Ultimate IPL Guide: Chennai Superkings

The buffed up male models

Porn star: MS Dhoni

Most IPL fans probably only know MS Dhoni is in the team, everyone else is irrelevant. The most in form one-day batsman on the planet, and will want this title. Is the main man in this team in every way, and will get the press whether he performs or not.

Pole dancer: Suresh Raina

Was in devastating form last season, and now has more experience at the top level. There is nothing of him, but he still hits the ball very hard. Every chance he will take the IPL apart this year.

Boy next door: Napoleon Einstein

May not even play but is a cult figure already.

Model: Freddie Flintoff

Very well suited to playing 2020 cricket, but is recovering from injury, with an eye on the ashes, and around for about a fortnight, Hardly worth it. Might sell some shirts back home.

Home Made/Amateur: MS Gony.

Hard working quick, can really bowl and has a great back-story.

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Oct 24 2008
victorian bushrangers

Bushrangers take on pink men

The Champions league thingy is just around the corner.

Near the tube I guess.

And I was feeling a little under whelmed about it.

But now I am fully whelmed.

Victoria has drawn Middlesex in the opening rounds.

The Champions league thingy is just around the corner.

Near the tube I guess.

And I was feeling a little under whelmed about it.

But now I am fully whelmed.

Victoria has drawn Middlesex in the opening rounds.

That’s right kiddies, Dirty Dirk up against the men in pink.

Ben Scott facing the thunderbolts.

Tim Murtagh dodging the verbal bullets.

And Shaun Udal looking old.

This should be great.

Dirty Dirk must be dribbling blood in anticipation.

Victoria also play Pretoria, and Chennai.

But Dirty Dirk never played for them.

This is like the Stanford series, except with players and teams that people really like.

I am not sure if Victoria or Victoria A (Rajasthan) is ranked best domestic 2020 side in the world, but i think they are one, two.

Middlesex is way below that, and wouldn’t have won the 2020 championship if not fir Dirty Dirk.

And everyone knows this.

I heard a whisper one that Dirk wheres around a t shirt that says “I saved the pink me”.

But i have never seen any evidence of this.

Return to frontpage

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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Jun 10 2008
victorian bushrangers

Modi, puts his foot down

Would have been interesting had Bangalore or the Knightriders made the superleague 2020 dlf champions maximum citi moment of 2020 cup.

As Cameron White, David Hussey and Brad Hodge had already vowed to each other that no matter what happened, Victorian came first.

Lalit Modi has said unequivocally that the IPL comes first, second and third in this league.

But he, or someone in the IPL, fucked up, they have no contracts that say their international players must play for them in such a super champion league thingy.

Modi can stomp his foot, get caught smoking, abduct someone, or pay Terry Jenner to commit fraud, but some players are loyal.

Cameron White would have been an interesting test case, the boy bleeds navy blue.

Now Mike Hussey and Baby face Morkel will be the test cases.

Don’t know much about Albie, so I can’t comment on what he will do.

But Michael Hussey is a people pleaser, so he will be torn.

Best case for him is if the Superkings want him, which you would think they will, they give the Warriors a high end 6 figure sum.

Then the King Probot would be able to play for the team with all the 0’s on the end, and still look after his home state.

Unlike Victoria, the Warriors can cover the loss of Hussey.

Marsh and Pomersbach proved themselves in India.

Ronchi never quite did, but trust me, when the boy is on song, you’ll be singing with him.

Adam Voges and Theo Paul Doropoulos are more than handy down the list.

But if for the first time ever, your state team, the one that groomed you, were to play on an International stage, wouldn’t you want to be with them?

Not watching Dhoni in front of the mirror.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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Apr 29 2008
general balls

caped kings ad again

Dhoni at a camp street party is how i’d describe this.

Can i just say that Dhoni acts better than most of the bollywood leading men I’ve seen.

In this he looks a little like Elton John in 74.

But he still manages to sort of make it work.

And he ands the ad with a posse.

Verdict, not alot to it, but Dhoni works it baby.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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Apr 29 2008
Uncategorized

old dudes fall apart

A few things I learnt from last nights game

Partiv Patel is not renowned for his arm according to Greg Chappell, that might be cause he is a wicket keeper.

Wasim Jaffer can play attacking shots, once he has been dropped twice.

Rahul Dravid is locked in someone’s basement and this current impostor has lost the plot.

Jacques Kallis is the oddest man I’ve ever not known.

Boucher does not like situations where he can’t trust his team mates.

Virat Kohli either has a bad cricket brain, or someone gave him terrible advice.

Dhoni may be cool in a crisis, but he gets the fundamentals wrong in wicketkeeping over and over again.

Dale Steyn is a demon when on top, but when someone takes him to the sword he gets cut beautifully, evidence supplied by Chris Gayle and MS Dhoni.

King Probot Hussey you are programmed to give strike to MS Dhoni is that clear, affirmative.

Ross Taylor was a hell of a bargain I this comp, shame we didn’t get to see him stretch out.

Oh and Bangalore can collapse beautifully.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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Apr 28 2008
general balls

caped kings ad

Dhoni clearly wrote the script himself.

Can you please make me like look a rapper.

Yes Mr Dhoni, anything for you sir.

Shame they didn’t let him wrap over the top.

Something like this would have been nice “They call me Ms cause I’m low on the Bs, I like to keep wickets and the chicks diggit.”

Cheesey boxing moves, check. Peace out brother hand movements, check. Angry swipe, check. Slow walk towards camera, check. Posse in pursuit, check. Dhoni turning into a lion, check.

Verdict, not bad, find it hard to not like it, but Dhoni turning into a lion was perhaps a step to far.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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Apr 24 2008
Uncategorized

Cleveland Vs Caped Kings

Here is a question for you, do you pay more for the seats with the cheerleaders right in front of you blocking your view of the cricket, or less?

Not enough male cheerleaders I say.

King Probot Michael Hussey went out to a 19 year old, who wasn’t born after probots were invented

In this game a low full toss gets a well bowled from the keeper.

Tony Cozier interviews Sachin, gets confused which team he plays for, and then they share awkward silences. Then Tony explains how Luke Ronchi should be pronounced, Ron-Ki not Ron –chee. Yes, I only wrote that to put my link in.

It’s Sachin’s b’day tomorrow, Hookers and Cocaine?

Hayden reverse sweeps Shaun Pollock, probably not news worthy being that all batsman reverse spinners these days.

Why do McDonald’s burgers look so good in the shop, and taste like horse feces in real life?

I like this Rainer kid, is well balanced, and he hit a six over cover off Bhaji, that’s pretty good. Well it’s ok.

Hayden was caught by Ronchi in the flap of his pad, Harper seemed to think it wasn’t out, because he didn’t hit it, I thought it was not out because you can’t catch the ball in your pads. Cozier made a subtle comment about walking.

Channel 10 are plugging the Anzac day game between Collingwood and Essendon with a cheesey poem.

Dwayne Smackdown Bravo didn’t really lay down the hurt with the ball, but more importantly, how long does it take to get a shirt made with your name on it?

Harbhajan Singh has gone the double towel, risky move.

Dhoni came in, people seem to like him.

Either I’m tired, or these cameramen cannot keep focus.

Harper can’t count balls, Hayden can.

According to Arund Lal, Hayden is sweating buckets, actual buckets are oozing from his pores, youtube hayden sweating buckets if you don’t believe me.

Bhaji seems afraid to bowl, even though he has by far the best figures, from his 2 overs.

According to Ravi, Jacob Oram is well over 6 feet 7 inches tall. How tall is he exactly, 12 feet, 37 feet, a million feet and 4 inches?

Ronchi was run out and I lost interest.

The Sanath went out and I went to bed.

Still haven’t sat through a hole game yet.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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Feb 21 2008
Uncategorized

my application

Dear Sir/Madam/IPL

My name is Uncle J Rod, and I would like to apply for a position as blogger for one of your teams, preferably a team with a good name, so the Chennai Super Kings is out.

Unlike all the other nay sayers, I think 2020 cricket is the best thing since the upskirt shot in Basic Instict, although it is still no Barbarella.

These are some of the reasons I think I could fit into the IPL.

I also don’t think Ashwell Prince is very good.

Talent wise I am at least on par with Albie Morkel or Simon Katich.

I have no problem with saying that India is the greatest nation on earth, I mean I’ve lied before, I once told this girl her bum didn’t look big in this. Also I will never place my feet near the Indian Flag.

I have a work history of over 500 posts, most of which are not obscene.

I have references from England, Pakistan, New Zealand (yes they are still a cricket nation) and India. None from South Africa though.

I too hate the way Australia control world cricket, I mean look at the way they got that talented young finger chucker banned. Dharmasena I think his name was.

For the job I am willing to do player interviews, players love me, I’m assuming you have heard of Bryce McGain.

Recently I started a petition to get David Hussey into the Australian side, after only a few days I am only 900 people short of my intended target of 1000.

I understand this is an auction process, but I would prefer to work with a team owned by a Bollywood actress, however, I am willing to work for any team where the groupie ratio is 25 to 1.

But I would like to reiterate I will not work for the Chennai Super Kings, as their name is really stoopid.

I understand that a lot of money has been spent on the IPL, and you may be a little skint now, so I will make my reserve price 900,001 dollars, as I refuse to get paid less than Jacques Kallis.

In conclusion I am willing to declare all my other contracts null and void for the 6 week period where I will focus solely on making the IPL the greatest sporting event ever, except for the Melbourne Spring Racing Carnival and the WNBA.

Thank you for your time, and I hope to hear back from you shortly.

Yours truly,

Uncle J Rod

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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