Occasionally at the balls we get given a post written by cricketers or officials. We posted a few of them a while back under the name of the omitted. Since then we have received heaps more, but in general they are either something that will get us sued, or weird. But of recent times we have have received one, and as it appears to be a letter, we thought it would be rude not to share it with Mr Waugh. Obviously, we will never reveal the name of the person who wrote this.
Dear Mark Waugh,
Please stop all this Steve Smith dribble.
Yes, the boy has some ability.
Yes, he has cleared the boundary in a few big bash and One day games.
Yes, he turns his leg break and warney reckons he ok.
Yes, he looks like the retarded 12 year old love child of a seminal mix from Cameron “downsyndrome” White and his fat NSW team mate with the same surname.
Yes, he has only taken 11 wickets at 75 and made 1 hundred in first class cricket… oh, whoops… not sure if you knew that one. You tool.
But I do see some reasoning behind your push to see this pubescent Sydney-sider in a baggy green. There is after all only 6 blue-baggers in the current Australian test side, 7 if you count Ponting, which you should because his wife refuses to grant him permission to visit the Apple isle for anything paying less than a test match.
This number of players from New South Wales is clearly nowhere near enough, is it, Mark. As we all know the blues have been the benchmark of the competition for the last few years. Get some more of them in there please Andrew Hilditch. Oh… that’s right, you’ve tried to. Lets revisit a few of these:
Phil Hughes – Fair enough the kid can play, but it is a statistical fact that he has never scored a run on the leg side. EVER! Its true. Look it up. He also still has stains in his dacks form the last bloke who decided to bump him at more than 140km/h.
Phil Jaques – Scored a few runs at test level, and probably deserves another crack, but no one wants to watch the fucker bat. He is uglier than Kim Clijsters. And he throws like a 60-year-old woman.
Beau Casson – good tour of the west indies but seems to have forgotten how to bowl. Did do himself the honour of no-balling himself out of the game by bowling too many full bungers on one occasion though.
Burt Cockley – Please… even Big burt was offended with his call-up. Bowls a mean half-volley.
So Junior, please do us a favour and stop pumping up yet another NSW player. In-fact, you could go one step further, and after brushing, rinse your mouth out with undiluted Sulfuric acid. This will help to endear you to the thousands of viewers that have had the displeasure of hearing your dribble.
You are in fact a cunt.
Even your butt-ugly 65 year-old missus dumped you.
Yours truly
The Omitted
