Tagged with brad hodge …

Nov 15 2008
Uncategorized

Brad, please, no, for the love of something

He did it again.

It’s like he doesn’t get it.

They don’t like being bagged Brad.

They don’t like be constantly told they are getting it wrong.

And they don’t like you questioning them.

It’s ok when a reporter asks you about selection for you to say, no comment, or make a sarcastic sigh.

It is not ok for you to lambaste the very men you need on your side.

And that is not even the worst bit, you are doubting Roy’s selection.

You mad little fucker.

He is like a national hero, when Australia rewrites the history books, Roy will be the reason we lost to India.

He is public hero number 1 right now, and you question his selection.

What goes on in that little head of yours.

Then you bag Simon Katich, that is like pissing on the face of a selectors daughter Brad.

And that is not nice.

Please Brad, no more, think of the children.

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Oct 24 2008
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Brad Hodge becomes highest scoring Vic of all time

Brad Hodge has moved past Deano on the all time scoring record for Victoria.

I wrote about it here.

And Paul Reiffel was so excited he was elevated to International TV umpire status.

If Reiffel ever does become an International umpire, his mosrt major mistake should be reported as “Pistol shoots and misses”.

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Oct 17 2008
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The twilight zone continues

There is a glitch in the matrix.

There isn’t supposed to be Victorians playing for Australia.

But this year, we had Brad Ego play in the Windies.

The Big Bear Cam White playing in this very series.

And now Peter Sizzle (Siddle) is in the test team.

How could this be?

Was there not a NSWelshman available every time?

Well yes actually, but Merv is on the case now, and that Moustache is getting the job done.

With Brad Hodge, Merv couldn’t take the credit, Brad has a test double century and was also a fair chance to be a back up batsman.

With Eyelids Pattinson he couldn’t really take credit, being that he played for England.

With Bryce McGain’s selection in the touring squad, Merv couldn’t take the credit because he was simply the best spinner in the country.

With the Big Bear’s selection he couldn’t take the credit, because the bear has been around for a long time, and has played for Australia before.

But with Peter Sizzle he can take the credit, bask in it, take a bath in it, pur it all over his nipples and smile about it for a very long time, because it’s all on him baby.

Everyone thought Doug Bollinger was the next in line to play for Australia.

Even he, he got his hair planted for just such an occasion.

He is the sort of man that trips over wickets getting out of bed, but the young woodchopping Dermot Brereton wannabe jumped the queue.

With a little help from a Victorian selector.

Peter Sizzle has only played 12 first class games, but if his bowling in the shield final didn’t win people over I don’t know what will.

I have never seen him not get wickets.

It’s like an illness for him.

The man eats up line and length, loves bowling the ‘heavy ball’ and when fit seems to be the sort of sick mother fucker who loves bowling masochistically long spells.

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Oct 03 2008
victorian bushrangers

the Sheffield Shield, brought to you by a soggy breakfast: VIC

Victoria, the home of the brave

Players that wont be available due to committments in a lesser team

McGain, Hussey and White.

McGain won’t play one dayers, and other 2 won’t play tests, so they should have the majority of their team the majority of the time.

Along with Tasmania, has the best balanced lists, and made the finals of all three trophies last year for one Victory, would want to take one of the more important sides this year.

Leadership

This is the big test, this is the big bears team, and when the one dayers come around and he is busy, they will be looking forsome else to take over.

Brad Hodge will probably get the job, dammit, but I think Nick Jewell could be the man.

Bowling

Dirty Dirk Nannes, Eyelids Pattinson, Peter Siddle (Sizzle), Wright and probably Clint McKay are the quicks, and all genuine wicket takers.

Eyelids has come back to Australia as a legit first class bowler, and this is a pretty handy bunch of 5 bowlers.

Spin bowling is interesting, with McGain out, White is the only spinner I know of close to first class level, but young Kumar Sarna may get a go.

If White has to take the job as number one spinner, it may do him good to get th extra overs, but Victoria will miss Bryce.

Batting

The Middle order is still sexy, Hodge, Hussey and White, but they won’t have that for 6 weeks.

Chris Rogers has been brought in, as Victoria struggle to ever have two good openers at one time.

Last year it looked like Jewell had come of age, so if he and Rogers can provide solid starts, other states may be in all sorts of trouble.

Victoria do need to pick a keeper this year, either young Wade gets a go, or the X man continues.

Long in the tooth

There is no obvious players on the way out, Hodge and McGain being the oldest, but they are probably around for fair while yet. Damien Wright may not finish the season however.

Ready to shed the nappies

James Pattinson, brother of Eyelids, is supposedly a freak of nature, and I say get him in there at 7 before Notts try and claim him.

Nostradamus

Shield

1st or 2nd.

One day

2nd or 3rd.

2020

1st or 2nd.

The rub

If they can overcome the loss of Bryce they could win it all.

The Christian Bale sqaud

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Sep 29 2008
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Andy Bichel is still a Twat, and so is Brad Hodge

“You think, ‘What’s going on here?’ Even Brett Geeves getting a game against Bangladesh… it should have been Ashley Noffke. It’s just mind-blowing.” Andy Bichel

I have never liked Andy Bichel, his face offends me.

But this is nonsense.

Ashley Noffke had an ordinary domestic one day summer, Brett Geeves was off the chart.

Andy Bichel is so old that perhaps his sight has departed him.

I have already grudgingly admitted the Noffke should have gone to India ahead of Siddle, but that was test cricket.

Bichel didn’t attack Siddle though, which is strange, usually he loves taking a dip at Victorians, instead he went Brett Geeves who has never hurt anyone and has a cool hair cut.

He is also not biased at all in this decision, being Noffke’s team mate for the last 10 years.

“Unfortunately I don’t select any sides, certainly not the Australian side, otherwise I’d be over there now.” Brad Hodge

Talking about people without bias, Brad Hodge would pick himself.

Aheada of who I am not sure.

Hodge had an ordinary shield season last year.

Take away his triple hundred against the Queensland bowlers who were all injured, and the decent half century against NSWales in the final, Hodge underperformed.

Simon Katich made a kabillion runs.

Shane Watson is an all rounder.

So why does Brad Hodge believe he should be in the squad ahead of either one of them.

Hodgey, just once would you think before you speak.

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May 22 2008
windies

A Victorian in test cricket, well I never

You’d think all my dreams had come true.

But, it’s Brad Hodge.

And I don’t do Brad Hodge.

I feel no love towards the man, and if he has ever read this site, he feels the same way towards me.

The selectors had two chances to bring in Ashley Matrix, and instead they picked the Krab Katich, and Ricky’s little mate Hodge.

When you’ve tried as hard as I have to get a Victorian into the Australian side, it’s a bitter sweet moment.

It’s like having an Afghan sex tour, but instead of Natalie Portman, it’s Tania Zaetta.

So the Australian team will look like this.

Katich, Krab
Jacques, Phabulous
Ponting, Ricky
Hussey, King Probot
Hodge, Ricky’s mate
Roy
Haddin, Brad
Lee, King Punjab
Johnson, OIAGTB
Clark, Rupert
MacGill, SCG

If West Indies are ever going to steal a test, you would put money on it happening right now.

It is still unlikely, but if Graeme Smith and his brilliant unit of cricketers can lose at home to the windies, then surely Katich and his boys will struggle over there.

Peter Roebuck has been erect all week, no he hasn’t hit any young boys, he is erect cause his man Katich is taking over.

Is it a coincidence that Ponting’s sudden loss of form has coincided in Katich’s comeback to test cricket.

Obviously Ponting was not NSWelsh enough to continue the job.

Also, I am sure someone is excited that Hodge is playing, just haven’t found that person yet.

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May 18 2008
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The Australian selectors have spoken

They said

“We want the Krab.

We enjoy watching him scuttle around the crease.

We like his nudging.

His unwashed demeanour.

He 3 day stubble.

And his can do attitude.

Ashley Noffke can go please himself.”

The Australian selectors wanted Noffke to be under no illusion that he might get a game, so they gave Brad Hodge a game to go with all those frequent flyer points.

Brad Hodge obviously wont play a test match on this tour.

Once Clarke comes back he will be sent back to SRK.

So what message are they sending to Noffke, we hear you liked the rum on your last tour here, fancy another round.

OK, so you want Katich in the side, we get that, but surely giving Noffke a run, even as a batsman, is a better go than playing Hodge.

Hell, playing anyone but Shane Watson is better than Hodge.

Now us Australians must endure Simon Katich again.

Clarkey, you now can never leave this woman, not even if Michael Slater sleeps with her.

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May 14 2008
aussies, general balls

Future PM vs Brad

Do the selectors feel the owe Brad Hodge?

They were the people who dropped him after he made a test double century.

Are there lingering feelings regarding this.

Is Merv, protecting his old team mate.

I had always figured selectors had no heart, just a infinite vacuum in their chest.

Maybe I’m wrong, nah, i doubt it.

On form Brad Hodge is not the man who should have been picked to replace Clarke, Future PM David Hussey is.

Hussey average 56 in shield cricket this year, scoring over 1000 first class run and made scores against everyone.

Hodge, by his standards had a poor year. His only big score was against a Queensland line up that lost 3 bowlers mid match.

Until the final he looked patchy at best.

David, Future PM, Hussey however looked in Natalie Portman form all summer.

He could have been stuck inside a floating latex bubble and still made runs.

Every time he came to the wicket when Victoria was in trouble, which was 60% of the time, he made runs.

He dominated all forms of cricket, and I have reason to believe at night he walked the streets and solved crimes.

The only reason I can see that Brad Hodge would be selected ahead of David Hussey would be if Ricky Ponting stomped his foot.

Ricky has always had a soft spot for Hodge, he really does like his moody arrogant number 4 batsman.

But Ricky, I know David isn’t moody, or arrogant, but he has other qualities you may enjoy, like match changing innings, and straight breaks.

Ricky, I know Hodge is your buddy, but David Hussey is the man.

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May 09 2008
Uncategorized

Daddy dearest

I love my father.

I really do.

We just had a chat, his knee is playing up and he thinks the IPL is crap.

“I don’t even know who is playing, mumbai dragons or some shit”.

But as much as I love my father, I’d have to think long and hard about whether I wouldnt play cricket for my country because he was ill.

I wouldn’t mention it to him, because I know he’d tell me to stop whinging and go play cricket.

I’ll be ok, just go do your job.

If I thought he would die anyday, it might change my thoughts, but if he was just suffering from a degenerate illness, I would think it would cheer him up more if i was playing for my country.

If thats how I feel about my father, I can only assume I would feel the same about my father in law, if i had one.

So to me, Michael Clarke pulling out of a test tour because his father in law has cancer is an amazing act.

I will leave it upto you to decide if he is a hero or a dick.

But I will say this, us Victorians will do anything to get one of ours into a touring squad.

I’m not saying a Victorian purposefully gave Mr Bingle liver cancer, but I’m not not saying it.

All we need now is to get Katich into a drug or kiddie porn scandal and we might actually have a Victorian playing test cricket again.

Obviously I am pissed off that they picked the wrong Victorian, but any Vic in a storm.

Even Brad Hodge.

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Apr 28 2008
Uncategorized

brad hodge, the hasselhoffs

I cannot say for certain that Brad Hodge reads this blog.

But I can say that people very very close to him do.

So I will choose my words carefully.

I don’t like the man, I think he’s a bit of a knob jockey.

People in the know tell me this is not the case.

I choose to disbelieve them, and go with my gut instinct, that same one that led me into a relationship with a self mutilating bulimic.

Brad Hodge can seriously bat, just ask him.

In one day cricket, 2020 cricket, county cricket especially.

For all his talk though his shield record is good, not great.

I remember chatting to a cricketer once who said, you know Brad Hodge is about to enter a room, because his head enters 5 minutes before his body.

Brad is a Victorian, and i tolerate him because of all the games he wins for us.

But other than that small fact I am not a fan.

For those who have not seen the nuggety batsman I will give you a brief overview.

He starts his innings badly, infact, generally the worse he starts the better he bats.

He is compact, some say he has a weakness in the corridor, he can hit the ball to anywhere on the ground, but is probably at his best square on either side.

Can play spin pretty well, and bowls offies ok himself. Will be a better number 3 for this team than Ricky was.

I spose Hodge is all right, everyteam needs a cocky mofo in it, so you can bag him after it goes pear shaped.

But him and Ganguly in one changeroom would be excruciating for everyone else.

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