Tag Archives: big daddy

big daddy speaks

This post is, obviously, not written by jrod.

Hi I’m Big Daddy, you may remember me from such blogs as “Bryce McGain – The Comeback Begins!!!” and my interview on BBC (jrod first then me) after our demoralizing Ashes loss in ’09.

I was once a collaborator on CWB, until I realised that mixing full-time work and writing about cricket takes way too much of your time. No way said UJ, as he has blogged his way to international stardom (or so he tells me!).

Now that Uncle J-Rod has reached the ripe old age of 30 (and could be about 2 years away from getting picked to make his test debut for Australia, given their selection policies recently) I though I would share some little known (or maybe no so little) facts about your favourite CWB maestro. I have known him as long as his parents – so ONLY I AM QUALIFIED TO TALK ABOUT THE REAL J-ROD.

He cried at his own wedding
He deliberately tripped over me on a plane to bump into Adam Gilchrist
He once made me get Andrew Symonds’s autograph cos he was “too old” for harassing cricketers (hmmm what would Nice Bryce have to say about this) and
He deliberately bumped into Allan Border in South Africa so that he could talk to him (mind you all he said was “G’Day Mate”)
Before heading off to the old dart he told me very bluntly that he would never get married or have kids – you’re half way there buddy
He has had more jobs than I’ve had haircuts – including trolley boy, gardener, Cash Converters salesman, stage performer (his role as Grandpa Joe in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory as a 10 year old was a sight to behold) filmmaker and now writer. He finest moment was his one day at Cash Converters – the morning group hug endeared him for about two hours till he pissed off!
He never finished Secondary School – shock horror I know

Who’d have thought he’d be making a career out of blogging – certainly not his Year 11 teacher Ms Hooper!!!!

It’s just funny he headed off to the UK as his debts to me started to rise. So please buy his book or donate him some money cos the prick owes me money.

Seriously… I’ve got a family now!

Happy 30th Birthday Uncle J-Rod. You old bastard!

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Bryce McGain – The Comeback Begins!!!

HE’S BACK!

I am confident the above is the first on-line photo of Bryce McGain on the comeback trail.

Playing for his district side Prahran against Melbourne at Warrion Recreation Reserve, north west of Colac in south west of Victoria, McGain started rusty early. His first ball was sent flying back over his head for a four and his first two overs cost 13 runs with a few short balls on offer.

But he hit his straps in the third over, and as the above photo demonstrates, his flight was back and the Melbourne batsmen were stuck between playing forward and back.

Given the current state of spin bowling in the Aus side at the moment, I am sure he has done more than enough to book his seat on the flight to South Africa. Time will tell, but Mr Hilditch, do the right thing, pick CWB’s own Bryce McGain!!!


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how to tell which stooge is writing (redux)

A rundown on who writes for cricket with balls, incase you get confused or forget to read the spun by tag.

Updated with new lady blogger.

Miriam

Catch phrase – “You know what this post needs, an indifferent cat.”

Writing style – educated, well thought out, excited, mildy perverted. Uses Grammar, will do anything for a guy with a big dictionary, and generally likes a dot point or two. Occasionally lets her love for certain cricketers permeate her writing .

Cricket Pedigree – Played cricket in the dust on holidays in Sri Lanka as a child, but fell in love with the game during the 1990 Lords test v India. Her love of cricket is nothing to do with the men, because in the 1990s the men in question were Gooch, Gatting, etc. Now, feeds the obsession (which was once once described as borderline aspergers) by going to Surrey games, collecting Wisden almanacks and watching literally any cricket on tv.

Favourite Players – Piyush Chawla, Shahadat Hossain, Jesse Ryder, any Sri Lankan.

Most Hated Players – Hate is a negative destructive emotion, but: South Africans (except for Vernon Philander, whom she would marry for the name), and Matthew Hayden (whom she would not marry for the name even though she likes classical music).

Pet Peeves – cricketers with rituals at the crease, because once you notice them there’s no un-noticing them. Overuse of emoticons. Unkindness.

Sime

Catchphrase – “the way it used to be”

Writing style – considered, well thought out, in depth, makes constant references to Uncle J Rod’s ex girl friends and likes to use………. Instead of one full stop. Bad grammar.

Cricket pedigree – front foot player, defensive when compared to dashing players like Bill Lawry or Geoffrey Boycott. Bowls extremely slow right arm off the wrong foot. Worst person to bowl to in backyard cricket, as will leave any ball a fraction away from off stump.

Favourite players – Any Australian captain other than Mark Taylor. Sanath Jayasuriya.

Most hated players – Any South African, KP, Mark Taylor, Sourav Ganuly, Stephen Fleming. Shane Watson.

Pet peeves – People who play across the line, people who he thinks have bad techniques, any captain who isn’t an Australian.

Big daddy

Catch phrase – “he’s shitter than Michael kasprowicz”

Writing style – passionate, non-linear, writes like he is yelling at the computer, good with a one liner and tries to piss people off.

Cricket Pedigree – Leg Spinner, turned the ball a long way, great flight. Worst batsmen in his whole extended family (family known for supplying the tail of many sides). Can play one shot, the cut, plays it no matter where the ball is pitched.

Favourite Players – GLENN MCGRATH (bordering on stalking or a man crush, seriously he made me edit this and put his name in capitals) Andrew Symonds, Justin Langer, Stephen Fleming Sachin Tendulkar, Lance Klusenor, Brad Hogg and Shahid Afridi.

Most hated players – All South Africans, Arjuna Ranatunga, Chris Cairns, Aravinda de Silva, Michael Kasprowicz, Shoaib Ahktar, Murali, Hansie Cronje, Herschelle Gibbs, Sourav Ganguly, Andrew Strauss, Harbhajan Singh and Sreesanth.

Pet Peeves – When Thommo miss pronounces McGrath’s name. When non talented Queensland blowers get picked for Australia, when sub continent players cheat.

Uncle J Rod

Catch phrase – “that reminds me of this girl I used to”

Writing style – right brain, analogies, talks shit, mentions sex in like every fucking post, Natalie Portman references, too many film references, tries to be funny, quick to anger. Spells names wrong, doesn’t use capitals when he should.

Cricket Pedigree – All rounder. Bowled leggies, but they didn’t spin much. Attacking batsmen, thrown away more good starts than he’s had cold beers. Captained and stood at first slip as much as possible.

Favourite Players – Ian Harvey, Adam Gilchrist, David Hussey, Wasim Akram, Curtly Ambrose, Bryce McGain, Mushtaq Ahmed, Chris Gayle, Cameron White, Dirk Nannes, Stephen Fleming, Keith Miller and Matthew Elliott.

Most Hated Players – Any fucking South Africans, Sourav Ganguly, Brad Hogg, Brad Haddin, Andy Bichel, most New South Welshman, Simon Katich, and Adam Parore.

Pet Peeves – Captains who play boring defensive ass cricket to keep their job, spinners who bowl flat, countries trying to play like Australia, the amount of one day cricket, south africans, and the fact Natalie Portman has not slept with me (um, sorry, him). Globalisation, two party democracy, the moral majority, private sectors ruling governments, they way poor nations are used and abused by rich white dudes and the fact that my local bus doesnt stick to the time table. Tony Greig.

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Nostradamus I aint, but 3/10 aint bad

As the fourth test peters out to a noosnfnsltgrffffffffffffffffffffyrgjnxzvvdacvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvffffff.

Sorry about that, my head fell onto my keyboard as I have fallen asleep watching the last two sessions of this boring, mundane, insipid, worthless, pointless, devoid of life test match. I spose as an Australian supporter we will have to get used to this, cos the days of us bowling sides out twice game after game are a thing of the past.

Anway, given its all over I thought it be best to touch on my pre-summer predictions. It was a pretty ordinary result – 3/10. This is a poor reflection of my otherwise excellent premonitions (get the bucket for Uncle J, Sime) but here goes.

  • Michael Hussey to be replaced in the side by his brother by the New Years test in Sydney – WRONG
  • Mitchell Johnson to be dropped for Ashley Noffke – WRONG
  • Stuart Clark to go wicketless over the six tests – WRONG
  • Andrew Symonds to top the batting averages – CORRECT HA HA, the only prediction that I actually got properly correct. Who would have guessed in their wildest dreams that Symonds would beat Ponting, Hayden, Hussey et al. He remarkebly averaged 92.5 over the six tests.
  • Brett Lee to tear his harmsting off the bone trying to eclipse his 2004 figures against India and the SCG – WRONG
  • Stuart MacGill to be suspended for bringing the game into disrepute after he complained about the red wine that was served at the end of the Hobart test – CORRECT (well sort of) injured, suspended… at least we didn’t have to put up with the pyscho, even if his replacement was as useless as tit$ on a bull
  • Michael Clarke to realise just how lucky he is to be $hagging Lara – I don’t care if he doesn’t realise it, but he is a lucky mutha-fu(ka. And for those who don’t know who Lara is …

  • Phil Jacques to realise his dream by defecting to represent France in the World Cup qualifiers – yet to be totally decided, cos his cricketing talents won’t carry him too far me thinks – especially once Hayden retires
  • Shane Watson to not play a game this summer. I know this is hard to believe, the selectors will have to be replaced for such an oversight though!!!!!!! – CORRECT, but who cares a fu(k anyway!!!
  • Ricky Ponting to train the winner of the Perth Cup in a “trainer swap” realtiy tv show to be shown on Channel 9. Viewers will be unsure what night it is on, cos it’ll change every week. – WRONG

Well done to India for actually taking it up to us – it really should have been 1-1, but Aussie Steve must have had his hard earned on us in Sydney. Now for the even more boring one-dayers – there is nothing surer than an Indian win in that series – we only worry about the big stuff and the World Cup is 3 years away!!!

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Hoggy Hoggy Hoggy Oi Oi Oi

As a self-unabashed George Bradley Hogg fan I am absolutely delighted to see that the “tounged one” will hopefully play again in the Baggy Green come 26 December.

The Sheep Dog is the ultimate team man who would step in front of a bus if it helped Australia. He bowls decidedly hard to pick wrong-uns, can turn his leggie and has well and truly earnt his place in the side after being probably Australia’s most consistent ODI bowler in the last four years.

Although cricketwithballs’ own Bryce McGain would be a worthy recipent of the cherished headwear, Hoggy has earned his stripes and unlike Uncle J, I will be cheering my very large guts out for our Sheep Dog.

Hoggy Hoggy Hoggy Oi Oi Oi!!!!

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cricketwithballs to make its offline debut

The boys from cricketwithballs.com will be at the ‘G for the upcoming Boxing Day clash with India proudly donning our official uniform below. Hopefully we will have plenty of positive things to blog about come the end of each days play.

Wishing all our valuable fellow bloggers a happy holiday.
Go the Aussies!!!!!!
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the radio

Today I have to drive for about 3 hours.

Wednesday I’ll be driving for 3 hours again.

I don’t like driving, but what p1sses me off is there is no cricket to listen to.

For some reason I had convinced myself the last of the trev barry games was on today, but alas not for the first time in my life I was mistaken.

When I was a little tacker my family loved to holiday interstate. Since we were poor, this involved incredibly long car trips, mostly in summer, which meant the cricket was on the radio.

Jim Maxwell with his straight commentary, and Tim Lane with his dry sarcasm and slight Australian bias.

Peter Roebuck reminding everyone that Australia aren’t that good, but they are damn good.

Harsha bhogle, getting so excited by the cricket you think he’ll pee himself.

Kerry O’Keeefe actually p1ssing himself, at his own jokes of course.

Dean Jones remembering how damn good he was.

Jonathon Agnew sounding like he was auditioning for Hamlet.

Those were the days.

How my mum put up with it I don’t know, although she does like listening to Kerry O’Keefe, but who doesn’t?

When it was just my dad and I it must have been a pain. But on those occasions when Big Daddy travelled with us, it must have been horrible for her.

The men in our family aren’t known for being quiet, and three of us in a small place is a horrifying thing, you have the farting, and the arguing over the cricket.

Due to my mothers sensibilities we cleaned up our language, which mean me and Big Daddy would go up to 2 hours at a time without calling Atherton a boring ©unt.

Not an easy thing to do.

My favourite memory of those trips was when my dad went nuts at Mark Taylor. He had teken Anthony Stuart (or was it stewart) off with a few overs of his ten to go, after he got a hat trick.

My old mans view was that if a man is swing bowler is on song and the ball is swinging you leave him on.

For the next 5 hours big daddy and I pissed our selves as my old man brought every cricket conversation back to Taylor’s mistake.

Big Daddy and I still laugh at that, it was probably the only time my old man ever bagged Taylor’s captaincy.

The rental car I get better have a cd player.

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Sourav Ganguly – an amazing captain

Steve has fired me up enough to write my own Murdoch headlined article.

This quote is directly off Ganguly’s website and proves what is wrong with Indian cricket.

“Today, Sourav Ganguly is the most successful Indian captain leaving Mohammed Azharuddin’s previous record of 14 test wins behind. Sourav has won 21 Tests as captain, of which more than 7 wins have come overseas! His success rate is an amazing 42%, the highest ever by an Indian captain.”

“Amazing” Sourav needs to be smacked around the ears a bit both online and on-pitch and Uncle J-Rod, Tait and Lee are just the ones to do it!!!!!

Keep it up Uncle J!!!!!

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South Africa – the parasite of international cricket

It’s common knowledge that us three stooges – that being Uncle J-Rod, Sime and myself (Big Daddy) have an absolute hatred for South Africa. I thought its about time that I gave my reasons, (obvious to the general public) but those that need to be jammed down people’s throats every now and again. These are in no particular order – just coming up with them off the top of my head.

  1. Hansie Cronje – why is that even criminals aren’t praised after death
  2. Herschelle Gibbs – the idiot “forgot” to get out and is still $hit-scared about going to India – why would that be
  3. They forced the Duckworth Lewis disease to come into the game after whinging at the 92 World Cup
  4. Jacques Kallis – the most selfish player in international cricket – even Bevan didn’t bat for his average as much as this tosser does
  5. That they consistently choke – that is not a bad thing – it just really wastes all our time
  6. Andre Nel – pull the plug someone – or at least smack in the head on his follow through
  7. The fact that Barry Richards is lauded in the batting averages lists – the w@anker only played four friggin tests
  8. Their stupid philosophy of having coloured players in the side – once again not a bad thing – it just really wastes all our time
  9. Makhaya Ntini – convicted of rape, then acquitted – hang on – did Judge Schneider just return from holidays at Lake Springfield and claim “boys will be boys” at the request of Lisa Simpson. A nice role model for all young coloured players who will no doubt get a game as part of point 8.
  10. They think they are good!!!!

There are plenty more, but you’re the ones that will hopefully sift through these.

The only saving grace about this “whole in the world” is that Uncle J-Rod and I were able to witness probably the greatest innings in one-day cricket history in March 03 at the Wanderers when the Aussies flogged India to 2/359 – it was an absolute priviledge to be there and almost as good to stick it up all the South Africans who were gutted that the weak ba$tards couldn’t even reach the super sixes!!!!!

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episode 2 karim’s dream


Episode 2 in my spinners series for AYALAC?

At the 2003 world cup, Africa was in crisis, cricket speaking, not just the normal ©rap about poverty and civil wars.

South Africa’s mathematic skills departed, Zimbabwe had Mugabe issues and Namibia was raped and pillaged by Glenn McGrath.

Suddenly the only African side left was Kenya.

They won games based on solid batting from solid men, a great flag, teams refusing to visit them and they had a couple of spinners who were bowling really well.

Big Daddy and I were in Durban on the 15th of March 2003 to see the unbeaten Australian team take on the well flagged Kenyans.

Australia had kept Kenya to 170 odd with Brett Lee taking a hattrick. Then Gilchrist and Hayden got off to a flyer, but the game didn’t start until a 39 year old balding left arm orthodox chap came on.

Aasif Karim is the sort of player every minnow seems to have. Just a struggling guy who knows his game well, but is no where near international level. His International career spanned 23 years. He played in three world cups and one as captain, he was a legend of Kenyan cricket, offcourse most of us had never heard of him.

When he came to the wicket there was no fan fare or anything, the crowd was pro Kenya, as most of the crowd were Indians or South Africans. At that stage they had little to cheer about.

Karim’s action was similar to that of most elderly gents who bowl left arm orthodox, no extravagant movements, just a smooth easy entry to the crease and then a gentlemanly turn of the fingers.

He had probably done it a billion times before, but something happened this day, if the same thing happened in America they would have made a film about it, starring Kevin Costner.

Karim’s first wicket probably would have been enough, getting Ponting out is something you can tell your grand kids, and luckily for Karim he probably already has grandkids.

Next over he had Lehmann and Hogg out. Not as mantle piece worthy, but still good bar room discussion.

Even though he had 3 wickets, it really isn’t that the makes his spell special, it was the next few overs, when two of the most aggressive batsmen in Australia, Andrew Symonds and Ian Harvey treated the man like he was Murali bolwing tamil grenades in Kandy.

In my whole life of watching Ian Harvey I have never seen him more watchful. Symonds was even more cautious. Karim’s line and length was $exy as hell, he just kept probing, and both batsmen seemed trapped on the crease.

Australia eventually made the decision to win the game from the other end. They essentially played a dead bat to Karim.

They did end up hit the winning runs off him. Which blew his figures out.

8.2 – 6 – 7 – 3

Not bad for a 39 year old Kenyan against a team that would make 360 in the final about a week later.

And he didn’t do it on a dust bowl, just a normal pitch with clever bowling, twas a beautiful sight.

Other great minnow spinners.

Sluggo from Bermuda, possibly the sexiest cricketer playing today.

John Davison from Canada, fastest hundred in WC history.

Daniel Vettori always plays well for New Zealand.

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