Tagged with bangalore royal challengers …

Oct 09 2009
champion's league

IPL teams to boycott remaining Champion’s League matches

Controversy has hit the Champion’s league with the IPL franchises from Bangalore and Delhi deciding to pull out of the competition.

The organisers of the tournament are in shock, and have started making calls to other non Pakistani 2020 domestic teams to see if they can fill in.

The move comes after a contract dispute between the Champion’s League and the IPL teams.  Originally the teams were promised that they would be the best sides in the competition. It became clear to Delhi and Bangalore in their first games that this was not the case.

They shared their reservations with Lalit Modi and other key members of the organising committee on Friday night, but it appears that the talks broke down almost before they started.

Amongst the revelations is that both sides believe they were guaranteed semi final places by key officials, but there is no paperwork that backs up this claim.

There is no word yet on what Deccan will do, they are still yet to play their first game, but as some of their players were overheard saying they considered their first game a bye, you would assume they are still happy to go ahead in the tournament.

This is a blow for the tournament that is still reeling from the fact that Shaggy was the best artist they could get for the opening ceremony. With reports coming in that the crowd for the first game that had no Indian teams participating, NSWales Vs Diamond Eagles, was 11 people until the 13th over, this is the last thing this exciting new venture in cricketainment would want.

Indian fans are upset too.  Being that 82% of them voted Lalit Modi the saviour of Indian cricket, they cannot believe that he would let this happen.

At least one Indian politician has called for the tournament to be scrapped and for Lalit Modi to be sacked.

Champion’s League officials are working through the clock to try and keep the tournament alive, Lalit Modi was least seen talking on three mobile phones at the one time.

EDIT: I can’t believe I have to say this, but this is satire.

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Apr 22 2009
IPL

Rahul’s IPL

’09

3 matches

134 runs

High score of 66

Average of 44

Strike rate of 144

Worth a million?

’08

14 matches

371 runs

High score of 75*

Average of 28

Strike rate of 124

Throw in the dodgy captaining as well.

He also had the 2nd worst strike rate of anyone in the top 12 run scores, only Graeme Smith had a lower strike rate, but he averaged 48.

This year he has been the best batsman in the tournament.

So far.

And it isn’t far, only 3 games, But he is.

He has the pretty little hat, his fans are excited,  and at the moment he is worth the money he is being paid.

Last year he wasn’t.

If I was rewriting my Bangalore post at the moment, I would change KP to Model and Rahul to porn star.

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Apr 17 2009
IPL

The Ultimate IPL Guide: Bangalore Royals

Reporting this tournament in any sort of conventional style would be pretending this is a sporting event.

It’s not. Its an entertainment juggernaut.

It doesn’t matter who wins or loses, but who entertains you.

Here is a run down of the players who can be relied upon for some sort of pleasure.

Bangalore

Still look like a librarian, but more one you’d like to do learn the dewy decimal system from.

Porn Star: KP

The man they all wanted. Won’t be there long, has a shocking 2020 record, but will have every camera and microphone pointed at him. Captaining, because that worked so well for him last time.

Pole Dancer: Jesse Ryder

An absolute bargain buy, but could end up as the go to guy for Bangalore with his hitting, occasional wobblers, and general presence, Bangalore might just jump on the big fella’s back and ride him towards the finals.

The boy next door: Virat Kohli

Probably the poorest looking Indian line up in the league. Kohli stands out, is still young, but looks like a freak with the bat.

Model: Rahul Dravid

Made a lot of runs last time, but not at a great rate. Is just not suited to this format, and is here because he is a legend of Indian cricket, not because he is a great 2020 player.

Home Made/Amateur: Roelof van der Merwe.

Smashing Australia at the moment. Handy spinner and ADD like hitter.

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Aug 30 2008
Uncategorized

the kittens are not a priority

Andrew Symonds will do anything to get out of playing against Bangladesh.

Even finding a good night out in Cardiff once.

Now he has gone fishing.

“Me don’t need no teem meetings for Bangladesh.

Me Roy.

Me beat anyone with my bare hands.

Hand me a beer boy.”

Just how seriously does Australia take Bangladesh?

Cricket Australia forgot when the Olympics were (supposedly), and cancelled the test tour because the Olympics took us all by surprise.

Ricky has a wrist thing.

Hayden couldn’t get a direct flight to Darwin.

Roy is a drunkard fisherman.

And Brett Lee got rid of the missus.

The test series was quite obviously canned because the main players wanted a break.

Cricket Australia couldn’t find a reason to cancel the one dayers, but the top liners just haven’t turned up.

If this was the IPL though, I wonder if these 4 would be able to overcome there various reasons for missing this series to soldier on…

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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May 07 2008
Uncategorized

royal old dudes sack their non main man

Bangalore were the obvious team to fall apart in the IPL.

They spent too much one on players who are not 2020 players, and then played their non performing players ahead of the only two 2020 players they have.

Their captain, and main selector, is a dinosaur.

I love Rahul Dravid.

Back in his day the boy could bat the house down.

The IPL is long removed from his day.

Now he is a plodder. Not even a probot, he is just a middle order test batsman who refuses to play shots or go out.

But as a one day batsman, or as a 2020 batsman, he is a non event.

As a 2020 captain, he is a disaster.

The team has no vision, no attacking instincts, and are only called a “team” because they all wear the same uniform.

But all this is the fault of whoever picked Dravid as iCON, I’m assuming Vijay Mallya, the owner.

What is Dravid’s fault is the squad selection , Kallis, Jaffer, Kumble, and Chandrepaul.

He picked a squad who could never play against proper 2020 teams.

So that is why Dravid should have been fired before the CEO.

Or dropped.

Cameron White is in the squad, he is the captain of the best 2020 domestic team in the world.

He is also a far better 2020 batsman than Dravid.

The next major mistake was whoever kept Misbah Ul Haq out of the team.

Misbah came into the side late, but the team was already horrible, he had to be the first player picked.

Instead he was kept on the bench for 2 games.

Who made that mistake?

So to recap.

Vijay Mallya, should sell the team for fu©king up in the first place, he should sell it to a Russian mafia billionaire.

Rahul Dravid should step down for not being up to it as captain or batsman, and should retire gracefully, before people remember him as the nervous looking dude who can’t score for hours .

And whoever left Misbah out of the team should be fired, and possibly spanked.

So like all professional sports teams they fired the CEO, who I assume had little to do with any of these mistakes.

Coach, next, manager after that.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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May 06 2008
Uncategorized

old dudes are struggling

Do you feel sorry for Bangalore?

Or Martin Crowe, whom you might remember from his odd press conferences.

They finally get their line up right.

Cameron White superstar domestic 2020 player in.

Misbah Ul Haq superstar international 2020 player in.

And what happens, ducks.

Lots and lots of ducks.

Jaffer, White, Kallis, Kumar and Khan.

Sort of hard to recover from that.

For me the ducks ran the gamut of my emotions.

Happiness over Jaffer’s duck.

Erectile dysfunction over White’s duck.

Complete and utter satisfaction over Kallis’ duck.

And by the time the other two had gone out I was in bed.

White continued his amazing run of golden ducks.

The Big Bear is part Matthew Hayden and Part Chris Martin (the crap NZ one, not the crap English one) when he goes out to bat.

SOS Marsh continued to batting look easy after all the ducks.

Perhaps the Bangalore Royals, my old team, are jinxed.

They do have 2 South Africans, that is tempting fate isn’t it.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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May 03 2008
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my new team, the royal experienced players

I started supporting Bangalore today.

I was in a bad mood anyway.

Bloody Collingwood.

So I thought I might as well get Bangalore out of the way.

Deccan were of no use to me.

Dehli gave me a little sumtin sumtin.

Kings XI Punjab was too much of a mouthful, even with SOS Marsh firing for them.

So I went to Bangalore expecting more disappointment.

Deccan had restricted them to 156, which for a test team posing as a 2020 team is pretty impressive.

It was obviously never going to be enough.

The Chargers had Stryis after all.

But it all went wrong.

Gilly faltered.

Laxman couldn’t hit 5th gear.

Gibbs continued to be a waste of sperm.

Sharma tried in vain to be the man everyone wanted.

Afridi couldn’t stop looking at the cheerleaders.

And even the great Scott Styris failed.

Bangar smacked two sixes of Kumble in the last over.

But fu©k me, it wasn’t enough.

Royals win.

Royals win.

Royal old dudes win.

Wow.

It was surely my influence.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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May 03 2008
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royal old dudes again

Eye of the tiger, with Tony Grieg’s commentary, from God’s mouth to your ears.

Jacques Kallis in slow mo.

An odd long still shot of Cameron white in Victorian shirt.

And just for fun a shot of Steve Bucknor calling for the third umpire.

Goes for about 7 days.

Verdict, it may be crap, but no other official videos have Cameron White in them wearing a Victorian shirt.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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May 01 2008
Uncategorized

Old dudes and a pretty girl

A lot of money went into the Bangalore team.

No real thought though.

This video is quite similar.

Song is boring and repetitive, the singer is trying her best, but her best is not good enough.

Too many shots of old dudes, be it, the players or the owner.

It seems to go on for 5 days, which was probably to make the players more comfortable.

Someone gave the sound mixer free range to put as many stupid sounds over the top as possible.

Verdict – no thanks.

Thanks to Well Pitched and their new facebook page for this.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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May 01 2008
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Sehwagology Devils takes down Judiasm

Last nights IPL game came down to three key elements.

Gotham Gambhir is a hell of a batsman.

He made a pretty fair attack look quite inadequate. And that wasn’t a joke about Kallis in the sack.

Glenn McGrath is still a miserly old bastard. Then again I suppose he;s a pensioner now, so he has to count the pennies. And still no one can play him.

And Dravid and Kallis are not made for this form of cricket.

Dravid is the wall.

Kallis is Bon Jovi.

Neither of them have what it takes to score at 2 runs a ball anymore.

Last night they saved their team with an 80odd run partnership.

Problem was by the time it got to winning the game they had eaten up all the balls and they let Boucher do the heavy lifting.

Why you would pay Kallis a kabillion dollars to play IPL is beyond me.

Yes he can play cricket, but this is not cricket, its 2020, a hybrid of soft core porn, a kiddies show and one day cricket.

Let us not forget, Bon Jovi never made it out of the suburbs.

Dravid is a superstar, arguably the most dependable batsman India have ever had.

But this is not the 4th day at Karachi with Younis bowling reverse swing, this is slogorama, and Dravid can’t slog.

Delhi on a bit.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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