Then I saw it.

The play by play.

Haddin hits a ball into the ball short on the leg side; Benn and Johnson get in a tangle. Not that it is hard to get tangled with Benn. They collided fairly naturally; Johnson tried to push him away, Benn seemed to grab him and tried to get his leg in his way, and eventually they unentwined and the run was completed.

Haddin got pissed that Benn was grabbing at Johnson; I doubt he would have seen Johnson’s push from his position. He then had a go at Benn, with a bit of bat waving nonsense thrown in.

Then Benn got angry, mostly about the bat waving, as Haddin and Gayle had a fairly unaggressive chat. Benn then kept abusing Haddin (who seemed bored of it and walked away) about the bat waving and kept calling him big man. From what I could hear I believe he said, “Watch yourself, big man, don’t fucken point your bat at me, man.” Gayle didn’t try to do much so Billy came over, eventually.

Then later when Benn was bowling to Haddin he hit one straight back to Benn who feigned that he was going to throw the ball at Haddin/thestumps, probably the equivalent of the bat waving. It was a terrible feign, and obvious he was not going to throw, so much so that you couldn’t even say he was going to throw it at Haddin, as he never really cocked his arm correctly. It was more a wild swing of the arms from a 2 year old.

That was the end of the over and Haddin walked down mouthing off to Benn (Benn could have been mouthing back but that angle wasn’t shown). Benn did a big like point at Haddin, but Johnson got in the way, and Benn’s arm struck Johnson ever so lightly, and Johnson tried to swat it away like someone had poured ice down his top and Benn slapped his arm away.

Then Billy finally got sort of involved and Benn left.

The history.

Haddin and Benn have history, last tour they kept chirping at each other, and at one stage Benn thrust out his leg to try and trip Haddin. Not sure if that had anything to do wit this, but they clearly don’t like each other.

Perhaps Neil Broom and Benn are friends?

In this tour Benn has been yapping non stop to the aussies, and the funniest moment had to be when Watson was marking his guard to start the last innings at Adelaide and Benn was craned over him talking and talking.

Haddin has also been chirping a lot when Benn has been into bat.

The verdict.

What a load of shit. It wasn’t a shoving match; it was an accidental tap and some heated words. Haddin probably rented a high horse he has no moral reason to get on, and Benn overreacted and then dragged it out until it was almost painful to watch.

Perhaps if the ICC want to clean cricket of any sort of human emotion Haddin and Benn should be given a level one fine for the bat waving, feigned throw and swearing, but it still seems pretty piss poor to me. I can’t see how Johnson can even be charged.

But what about Billy, he could have stopped this at any time. What the hell was he doing? First he stood behind the stumps as Benn got angrier and angrier, then he took way too long to get down to where Benn and Haddin were clearly going to meet. Will he get fined for failing to act, will he get warned that he needs to get involved in these things and try and diffuse them. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen Billy stand around and so nothing while teams are getting heated.

My vow.

If any player gets suspended, and from the original charges it seems only Benn can, I will start a petition to get him freed.

Cricket is a passionate game, people get fired up. Things are said, glares are exchanged, bats are waived, and fingers are pointed. That is all good. Passion is why we love this game.

We want to see players who are out there to win, not collect endorsements. Benn is a fiery bugger, and I love that about him. If the ICC wants to take people like him out of the game then they have to get by this site first.

There are no fingers pointed or bats waived in my Ashes book, but there should be.

In some ways they might have come closer had the pitch been easier to score on, so then Australia would have scored a bit quicker and attacked more.

Instead they had to watch Watson, Hussey, Clarke and Haddin eat up valuble time while Chris Gayle started putting fielders in random positions on the leg side. Glorious random positions.

Shane Watson’s innings was something else.  Not content with how many Australian fans bag him, he dragged the run rate below 3 runs an over until any chance of Australia winning was lost in a flurry of awkward defensive shots of Benn.

I must admit I was supporting the Windies, not because I was pissed off with the Aussies, but because cricket bet live said if the Windies won they would buy ten copies of my book for their staff.

Unfortunately they couldn’t get there.

I stayed up all night, it is now dawn, and the last time i saw the oversized product placement drink car i thought it was a giant penis.

Last test I said that it was like watching a big brother beating up his little brother. This test seemed to be more like the big brother not paying attention and the little brother jumping on his back and smacking him in the head. The big brother, eventually shrugged him off, but he got some nice whacks to the head.

Adrian Barath bowled, that was fun.

If the Windies can take this form into the next match, the Team Nash will have plenty to cheer for.

The match is at the Waca, and Australia haven’t played well at the Waca in quite some time.

What I want to know is whether Team Nash will travel to the Waca.

I might  go to sleep now.

Some of this post made sense, I am sure.

Tried to sit on the Windies and keep their total low. They did it well, and even picked up wickets. The Windies scored at less than 3 runs an over. The 8 wickets means that declaration isn’t the only option.

West Indies

Gayle made 143 out of the 261 runs scored. Without him Australia might be 2/120 chasing 180 odd. He might not like test cricket, but he hates being embarrassed.

Who should win

Because of the Windies scoring rate, Australia can still win. Anything less than 300 runs to chase should be very gettable, this pitch has not broken up and seems to be playing fine. Reverse swing and Benn are going to be the Windies weapons. Their problem is that so far they haven’t looked like bowling Australia out in one day. If Australia has 80 overs to bat, there won’t be a draw. I think Australia might slip by, unless Benn pulls out something special.

Play of the day

Chris Gayle’s jig upon scoring his hundred was superb, but you can’t beat a strop. When Douggie Bollinger hit the Nash pad after he shouldered arms everyone just sort of assumed it would be out. It wasn’t. With no reviews (Ricky threw them away on magic beans) he kicked the dirt like a angry 7 year old. Stuart Broad’s dad decided to fine Douggie. He must have been tempted to spank him though.

Testicular moment of the day

Chris Gayle has a streak of determination in him. Often he leaves it at home, but yesterday he remembered it. It was like he had been reading every article about how shit his team is. This was a special innings; it was Chris Gayle on Ritalin. When he does something special, his team lifts. An innings like that probably deserves a win.

Working class moment

The other spinner takes a five wicket haul, the ball is spinning, and you bowl 27 overs. To go wicketless must feel shit. Poor Nathan.

Fun fact

Brendan Nash has gone out 4 times in this series, every time to someone who was born in New Texas (Queensland), the same state he played for.

Question of the day

Will Chris Gayle need to take a five wicket haul to win?

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Had the same problem they had at the Gabba, no one could make the big score and wickets kept falling regularly.  Hussey batted the into a real hole, and the Windies never let them out.

West Indies

Kemar Rocha and Sulieman Benn gave the Windies a chance in this game. They were generally on the money all day.  Was a great day of cricket from them.

Who is in front

Windies can make the game go anyway they want.  Both teams can still win. But it is the Windies who have to make all the choices.

Play of the day

Sulieman Benn is a character, and possibly, a bit mad. In the past he has been in trouble for tripping batsmen, and he is never short of a word. Yesterday he invented a mystery ball so good that no batsmen could hit it. The reason was he didn’t have the ball, he came in with the Haddin over the bat, and all the fielders in place, but the ball was behind him on the ground. It was the best surrealist ball I have ever seen not delivered.

Shane Watson did something funny too…

Testicular moment of the day

Play of the day and Testicular moment of the day, well done Benn.  When the Windies beat England at Jamaica this year it was Benn who set up the game before Jerome Taylor came in and got the headlines.  After that game I thought he would really become a top test match bowler, since then he has been horrible, until yesterday.  All day he kept the batsmen guessing and they never got on top of him. His 5 wickets on a benign surface were well earned.  Top effort big fella.

Working class moment

Kemar Roach was probably the pick of the bowlers. He was proper class. Moving the ball late, making the Aussies play, working over Hussey, and only picking up 3 wickets.  He is almost as good as the commentators constantly make out.

Question of the day

A collapse or a declaration?

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Except for one hour, Australia had this day by the scruff of the neck. What an annoying hour though.

West Indies

Finally got their batting right, but their bowling was not good. Their two best bowlers are out injured, Sammy was not fit, and when the ball stopped moving they looked like a club attack. Not a great one either.

Who is in front

Knowing the two sides you would rather be Australia, but all the Windies need is one bowler to “pull a broad” and they can win this game. Roach is the only one who can, but I just don’t see it.

Play of the day

I’ve always been a fan of DJ Sammy, and not just because he has a magnificently shaped head. The problem with him is that he is not a good enough batsman to play as a batsman, and is not a good enough bowler to justify being one of the top four on most surfaces. Yesterday should have been a great chance for him, instead his action seemed to resemble that of an American man bowling for the first time. He has never been graceful, but this was hideous, with his leg injury on his mind probably the best thing would have been to put him down. Instead he bowled 9 hobbly overs.

Testicular moment of the day

Shane Watson’s position as opener does not make sense. Even Ricky Ponting agrees. And with a failure in the first test the selectors could have already been looking for a change. They might not have dropped him, but Watson would have been concerned. So when he came out and Roach was swinging the ball it could have ended badly, instead he smashed this average attack hard. Now he is 4 runs from his maiden hundred, and knowing his history of going out straight after a break in play, I suggest he runs down the pitch first ball and tries to hit it for six.

Working class moment

They keep saying that Ravi Rampaul was a batsman once upon a time. Now he bats at 11. Yesterday batted so well that he almost got Nash to his hundred, although I think Rampaul should be pissed off as he was on his way to an easy 50 before Nash went out. Then Rampaul went out to bowl. That wasn’t as good.

Question of the day

Will Australia lose a wicket before they pass the Windies score?

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If you have ever wanted to see Richie, Geoffrey, Ricky, KP and Sachin dance in a B-boy style with little christmas hats on, I suggest you go to the Village cricketer’s website and click on his link.

Australia

It all came so easy in the first session with 3 wickets and an injury.  But then for the first time the West Indies batsmen thought they’d try and bat.  Australia looked rather pedestrian from there on in. It all came so easy in the first session with 3 wickets and an injury.  But then for the first time the West Indies batsmen thought they’d try and bat.  Australia looked rather pedestrian from there on in, except for a bizarre over where the “Obvious Mistake” referral system was stretched and Watson took two wickets.

West Indies

If your batsmen can’t make runs at Radelaide Oval, they should  take up crochet.  The top order was largely useless, but the middle order and even DJ Sammy has stood up.

Who is in front

Pretty Even. At Radelaide you can make over 500 in the first innings and lose (sorry English fans). So while this is a great platform for the Windies, if they don’t get to 500, it might be pretty useless.

Play of the day

Siddle had a dirty day. He seemed to bowl pretty well, but his figures were shocking. He had a few edges going to the rope, dropped a caught and bowled, had balls bunted just over the head of fielders and then the cherry on top:

Siddle bounced Bravo with two men out, Bravo put in the hook, hit it straight down the throat of Watson, who caught it right on the rope, threw it up in the air as he went over the rope, then came back in to collect the ball, but he hadn’t actually thrown it forward, so when he came back onto the field he had to forlornly try and arch himself back to catch it, he couldn’t, and he had essentially thrown the ball for six.

Watching Watson was funny, but watching all the different reactions of those behind him was sensationally, my favourite was the lady who started laughing straight away.  Next ball Bravo hooked again and got a top edge away from the fine leg fielder.

Commentary masterstroke

The cricket was good, but lacked what we call in the business ‘the LOL factor’.  My favourite moment was Ian Chappell telling a story about Joel Garner and then trying to imitate him. He made Garner sound like a grizzly bear that was being anally violated by a swarm of bees.

Testicular moment of the day

Dwayne Bravo was demoted in the batting order for this match.  You wouldn’t know it, instead he went out and played pretty much the same way he always does and it worked.  he played across the line, got dropped twice in 4 balls, caught over the rope, hit some big drives and made his 3^rd test hundred (His first for 4 years, and 2^nd against Australia).

Working class moment

Brendan Nash only made 44, but in two sections. The first one ended with him retired hurt after getting hit by his mate Mitch on the arm and probably saving him from going out. Yet he still made sure the Windies didn’t lose a 4th wicket before lunch. Then after he eventually came back in, he had to guide the lower order to stumps with an arm that still looked ouchy.  Neither job is glamorous, but neither is Nash.

Useless stat of the day

With Radelaide Oval being in the middle of a renovation, we were saved from hearing about how beautiful a ground it was 4 times an over.  Last Ashes the record was broken when on the first day it was mentioned 421 times in day.  Yesterday it was only mentioned 72 times, but the renovations were mentioned 143 times.

Question of the day

Can Shane Watson pick up a six wicket haul?

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As if that wasn’t wonderful enough, the stump mic was left on, and it happened to be at the best time ever, with Hauritz bowling to Nash with everyone around the bat.

It was only a few balls, but it was my dream come true.

One day I hope to infiltrate cricket so much that the broadcasters let me sit down and just listen to the stump mic.

I want to know what is said out there. Every boring word.

Nash is the sort of guy that would get sledged. He has that sort of victim look about his batting, doesn’t score quickly, always looks nervous, and isn’t about to hit a huge six to shut anyone up.

So it will surprise no one that the Australians got into him.

Most of the guys probably sledged him (if they noticed him), when he was a shield player, but now he sticks out like dog’s balls and the aussies were never going to let him go.

The sledging was not great, it was just about how nervous he was, how unsure he looked, some gentle questions about his demeanour, all that seemed to come from Haddin.

And Haddin also seemed to laugh at him when he left a short shit one which he should have put away.

It was just great to be that up close and personal.

I love hearing talk, even civil chat and shared jokes.

It felt so much more personal, and putting Haddin’s talk with Nash’s batting made the picture so much fuller.

I did feel let down when “Team Nash” wasn’t mentioned, but perhaps Haddin didn’t know about them.

Later on, when the product placement advertising came back on, they just paused for one moment from talking about Mark’s awkward friend Mick and the final of Australia’s funniest home videos for you to hear an Australian call Sulieman Benn a fucken lucky cunt.

It made me smile.

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Knowing that fact alone, Australia should have lost.

But, and perhaps this has to do with the inept state of the opposition, Australia still won by an innings and change.

The other 9 wickets were picked up by Hauritz (5 wickets without having to do much work), Watson (3 who picked his up with filth and guile) and laughably Michael Hussey (1 charity).

These weren’t just tail end wickets, Hauritz cleaned up the tail in the first innings, but their wickets included the 3 top scorers for the Windies (Dowlin, Barath and Ramdin), and Bravo and Nash were also victims in the top order.

Gayle and Chanderpaul never managed to go out to this powerful threesome, but only because they never lasted that long, even though they used three referrals between them.

The Windies bowling impressed in this test, in their one chance, but their batsmen are still yet to arrive.

This test is sort of like you beating up your little brother after you’ve been beaten up by a kid your size, it feels good for a little while, but it doesn’t make you forget you got your ass kicked.

At least of the Windies little boys had some fight in him, bringing up a hundred on debut as a teenager while your team is 145 runs after following on.

Well done Adrian Barath, and great maternal work from Ramdin in dishing out the hug.

Would be happy with their position, haven’t done anything special in this match, but would have to start chugging whisky at the breaks to lose from here.

West Indies

Kept trying with the ball, came out fighting with the bat, but then lost four quick wickets and it all just faded away. Chris Gayle’s referral said it all, it was misguided, but at least he wanted to keep batting enough to try it.

How far is Australia in front

Far enough.

Play of the day

Haddin saw a nick, dived, caught it mid air in the webbing, got up expecting the adulation. It was probably as good a catch as Haddin has taken for Australia. It just happened that Peter Siddle had popped himself over the crease.

Also funny was Watson getting out Nash. Well it made me laugh.

Testicular moment of the day

Travis Dowlin was one of the strikebreakers against the Bangladeshis. He made 95. Now he his playing against Australia in a test and was out there during the collapse of 4/14. Ponting dropped him and he was edgy, but for a man of his limited ability (first class average of 30), who is essentially there to fill in for Sarwan, there was a lot of guts and a not out at the end of the day.

Working class moment

The Windies bowlers just kept hanging in. Australia expected them to fall apart at any time, they were grinding and grinding just waiting for the Windies to give up. The Windies wouldn’t. It was a good effort considering their best bowler didn’t bowl. Then their batsmen let them down within with 18 overs.

Question for day two

Can Travis Dowlin make a test double century batting with Kemar Roach?

Useless stat of the day

You have a 12% chance of using the referral system if you bat behind Chris Gayle and Shivnarine Chanderpaul.

Nerd info

The Australian slip cordon has changed, again. Marcus North, the most logical choice, has moved to first slip. Watson has moved to third slip, and Clarke has been moved out altogether.

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Had their professional hats on. Other than Katich everyone looked a little scratchy, but there are mouths to feed, so they still got the job done. They would have hoped for better.

West Indies

Got to bowl on a wicket that gave them some assistance and did well at times. At the end of the day their best bowler hardly bowled, but they dropped Hussey and Katich at bad times, chose not to send Ponting for a referral, and may not get a better chance than this.

Who is in front

Australia at over 300 with half their men down, against a team as ropey as this they would feel comfortable. The Windies only need two wickets to be well into the tail and can bowl Australia out for under 400, which is good considering that every Australian batsmen, bar one, got a good start.

Play of the day

Brendan Nash seems like a nice hard working test player, but a bit of a nerd. Today I am willing to change that position on him as he had a Marat Safin type group of blondes all with Team Nash shirts on in the crowd. They could have been relatives, but still.

Testicular moment of the day

Kemar Roach was essentially playing his first test match (the strike series doesn’t count). He was at the ground that many an international player has been sacrificed on the first day. Kemar is flighty and unpredictable at the best of times, didn’t have the senior bowler backing him up and lost his run up several times. He could have rolled over and played dead. Instead he looked most likely to do any sort of damage, regularly beat the bat and hit the pads, and could have had Ponting or Hussey earlier on a lucky day. I was impressed.

Working class moment

66 runs to M Hussey. It was painful at times. He seems to have no idea what an off stump is at the moment and was middling everything to third and fourth slip for awhile. He got dropped off Benn. Almost stepped on his own stumps. And then went out in the most incredibly soft way. There was desperation in it, no one wants their cap more, but that one day form did not seem to be there.

Call of the day

Tony: When do you get most excited, Bill?
Bill: When South Africa lose.

Question for day two

Can the Windies knock the tail out quickly to make a test of it?

Useless stat of the day

162 mentions of Kevin Mitchell Jnr on Channel 9.

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