Tagged with andy flower

plan to unplan

Watching England win Tests had up until recently become my profession. I’ve seen them win a couple of Ashes, and defeat Pakistan, West Indies, Bangladesh, India and Sri Lanka. All up close and personal. It’s meant that I’ve been an often reluctant watcher on their journey to No.1. Their gritty, well-planned effectiveness has played out in front of me so many times you start to see the reasons why it exists.

To become No.1, England have done a bunch of things right.

They hired Andy Flower who is a brilliant cricket coach. He’s even got the face of a cricket coach, someone who can only smile for seven seconds a week. I can’t see how England would’ve made it to No.1 without him in charge. Anyone who doesn’t believe cricket coaches do much after watching Flower scruff this team and hurl them to No.1 is trying to stay in the dark days.

While no one was paying attention, England became the most professional side ever in cricket. Off the field they are No.1 by a distance whether it be their coaching, fitness, analysis and even their administrators. Every box is ticked in preparation. They probably have a person whose job is just that. Names like James Avery and Richard Halsall may not be known to many cricket fans, but they are the best at what they do, and when you continue to hire the best in the business off the field, it can only help those on it.

They call their bowlers, like so many do, their bowling unit. But for this team it’s probably better to refer to them as a bowling pack. They stick close together, give little away and stalk their prey. Their plans are simple and workable, do enough with the ball in all conditions, have good variety, more than one capable back-up and the ability to play allrounders when required. There are few eight-wicket hauls from a bowler on the rampage. Generally the wickets come in clusters at both ends because of the pressure and how hard it is to score off them.

Andrew Strauss is a natural leader of this team. He’s not showy, or unorthodox, he just forms plans with the coaching group and senior players and keeps the team calm. He’s not Stephen Fleming or Douglas Jardine tactically, but this team makes sense with him there.

Their fielding is athletic and well drilled. Their catching very safe. And if someone does something good half the team will race over to make sure he knows it was appreciated. It’s an unconfirmed rumour that they have a manual on when it is the correct time to pat a team-mate on the bum.

Their batting can be monumental. It is all built around their top three. Stoic men in no rush. The perfect men to slowly choke the life out of any new ball by either defending or leaving it alone. The opposition bowlers have to bowl to them. Then when the new ball is seen off, these three men, or if they let any other batsman come in, can cash in between the 25th and 80th over. When the second new ball does come, England will have set batsmen facing it and probably have one batsman eyeing a big score.

It’s not revolutionary. Sure, in money ball there is talk of seeing more pitches to tire out the pitchers, but seeing off the new ball has always been a pretty sound cricket theory. Tired bowlers with an older ball is what batsmen dream of.

England have just done it better than most, and they also bucked the trend of selecting players like Virender Sehwag, David Warner and Tillakaratne Dilshan. Perhaps it was a plan built around having the right three men, rather than something Flower always believed in. But in the right conditions, say Australia, England, New Zealand and South Africa, it works perfectly. These are generally new ball countries where seam or swing is extremely effective. If you can see off the first new ball, and your batsmen below are quality players, you can up the scoring rate later on and make very big scores that intimidate the opposition.

The problem is that in the subcontinent this game plan doesn’t work.

When the ball loses its shine on a low and slow turning wicket, it can get harder to score. England’s batting plan was tested by Pakistan and it failed, and now it has failed in Sri Lanka as well.

In some ways, England have already changed from their solid top-order plan. In Pakistan the batsmen stood at the crease waiting for Saeed Ajmal to beat them. Against Sri Lanka they were far more attacking and at times a little bonkers. Andrew Strauss’ decision to come running down the wicket like a seven-year-old in a beach game was completely out of character for him. He’s more like the person who would spank a child for playing that shot.

Jonathan Trott’s hundred was England’s ray of light. Trott played Trott cricket. It was sensible, played to his strengths, and only premeditated when Sri Lanka were trying a 15-man legside field. According to Trott, England’s batting is so bad the team may have to call in an exorcist.

To stop that in future it might be best if they just forget about the plans. I know it’s tough, because England is a plan-heavy team. But it’s not like their batsmen are poor, young, or stupid. They’ve been around and some stuff, and this is no-one’s first trip to the subbie. Let them all work it out on their own. Now, maybe only two or three come good. But two or three an innings would still be a vast improvement on what they have at the moment, which is very occasionally one.

Now there are more reasons than their batting template for why England is struggling in these conditions. Strauss is not making runs, with everyone else in form that mattered little, with no one in form that matters a lot. They seem to trust the sweep shot more than an NRA member trusts his rifle (even though they’ve shot their own toes off with it many times). And they don’t really use the crease that well, either forward or backwards.

At the moment England batsmen are little more than targets who occasionally throw in a gut-wrenching premeditated sweep.

Before this series, like I did before their last against Pakistan, I thought Flower would come up with the appropriate game plans for England to conquer these wickets. So far he hasn’t.

Yet, I continue to believe in Andy Flower. The ‘man with the plan’ has to become the man who lets his players play. Just let go of the scruff of their necks and see if they land on their feet. Blocking, slogging and sweeping haven’t worked. Perhaps batting will.

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Andy Flower the Professional

That England deserved to win the World T20 Thingy is beyond doubt.

India can’t get their excuses right, South Africa’s retirement squad struggled, Sri Lanka had no form, West Indies waited for Gayle, Sri Lanka waited for Mahela, New Zealand under performed even for them and Australia were out played.

England was organised, worked hard, had no passengers, they got away with Wright at six and they played very sensible cricket when chasing targets.

That England did all this is the most surprising.

I saw them play in Stanford’s game under KP. That was less than 2 years ago.

I saw them lose to Holland. That was less than a year ago.

And I saw Abdul Razzaq smash them all around the ground this year.  This year.

But Flower is some coach.  England has no champions in any of their teams, they have class players, role players and people who should be cut looses, yet since he took over they keep getting better.

They have the Ashes, managed to draw with South Africa in South Africa, got to the semi finals of the Champion’s trophy and now have won the world T20 thingy.  They fight hard to win, and even harder to draw.  When looking at the stats and the end of series you can never understand how they won, but they do what is necessary.

They are a depressingly well drilled unit, everyone just does their job, no one steals the limelight (since Freddie left), and if one player is down it seems that more often than not there will be 9 or 10 others that will cover them all.

Good coaches leave impressions on their sides.  This team is the embodiment of Andy Flower right now.

Hardworking, mentally tough, compact, efficient, strong and better than you expect.

Flower is now the best coach in world cricket, and his team is now a genuine contender rather than the punchline they were before.

It is not hard to respect the man, he played in a cricket team who would have struggled to beat grade cricket sides if it were not for his stubbornness, he did his best to recruit overseas players to Zimbabwe just so they side had a spine and he then stood up to a dictator.

Flower did also play for South Australia, but no one is perfect.

While KP was man of the series and Kieswetter man of the final, Flower is the man of English cricket right now.  English cricket might not have been the sleeping giant that Indian cricket was, but it was a large lumbering idiot walking around and drooling on itself.

Flower saved it from itself; he was the Leon to its Matilda.  A fatherly figure from a different land who does things his own way but knows how to teach the skills he learnt.  Although that makes England Natalie Portman, but in this tournament they probably deserved to be.

I never thought England would earn a Natalie Portman from me for a performance in a white ball tournament, but andy Flower probably never thought he’d be compared to Jean Reno.

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the conversation

AF: Belly and the Bottom are back.

AS: What do you mean, back?

In the squad.

Fuck no.

I promise.

Don’t you have a say?

Apparently not as much as we had hoped?

Did you show Geoff the photo of him, the peanut butter and the Clydesdale?

Yep, still a no go.

They cannot be allowed to come in and sully this new set up, this must be remedied.

How?

We must kill them both.

Whoa, seems a bit over the top, doesn’t it.

OK fine, lets set fire to Bell’s house, and I don’t know, um, slice off one of the Bottom’s nut sack while he sleeps.

Now that is a plan.

No that wont work, you’re too honest, and I would never get my hands dirty.

Freddie isn’t doing anything, and he told me he would do anything to get back into the side.

Clever little man, that is why you’re the coach, and I’m the captain.

Now, what do we do about Vaughan?

Who?

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Mass Deaths at Lord’s

Breaking News

465 Lord’s members have just died.

465 simultaneous heart attacks.

The event that triggered this was Graeme Swann opening the bowling.

A move so shocking, and ill conceived that the old grey army in the Long Room just started dropping like flies.

Lord Bubblefardt, Lords’ chief head wobbler, had this to say:

“We have no problem with revolutionary captaincy, as long as it is tabled, a committee has passed it, and all of our members have received written conformation of said action. This sort of ‘on the fly twaddle’ is just not cricket. People have died. Important people. These weren’t football yobs slammed into a fence; these were pillars of the community, every one of them resplendent in jacket and tie. This is just not cricket.”

The ECB has already formed a taskforce to look into this massive tragedy.

The new team of Flower and Strauss will have a lot of questions to answer.

Moments before the deaths happened, Sky received several phone calls complaining of a “tut tut” sound in the effects mics.

As of yet, they two incidences have not been linked.

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Princess fluffy pants is overlooked

Andy Flower is the coach of England.

Last man standing.

I like Andy Flower so I hope he does well.

But… Not sure I would want this job.

Jobs i would want more than English coach:


Peter Andre’s chest waxer.

Andre Nel’s chest waxer.

Gordon Brown’s glass eye.

Shoaib Ahktar’s manager.

Alec Stewarts friend.

ICC blogger.

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England appoint new coach

England has finally picked their new cricket coach, a wide-eyed female white kitten.

Hugh Morris from the ECB said “For too long our cricket coaches have been savaged by the press, every move is criticised, and the team has suffered. So to counter this we have brought in a kitten so cute that no one can hate it. I dare you to ridicule this kitten, look at its eyes those silly little paws, and the tail that is too short to bend, cuteness.”.

It’s a risky move by England, as most cricket journalists hate cats even more than they hate the English cricket team.

Andy Flower was the front-runner for the position, and even though he is cute, Zimbabwean, and once opposed a fascist dictator while batting, he is more ‘take home to your mum cute’, rather than ‘look at the kitty’ cute.

The kitten has yet to be named, although sources from the ECB seemed to be leaning towards ‘princess fluffy pants’.

Picking a female kitten will also quieten down the women’s cricket community who recently complained there weren’t more females in top positions.

With the kitten taking over, this does spell the end for Samit Patel, English officials will be hesitant to place him in a room with any small animal after he ate Kevin Pietersen’s Chihuahua ‘jess’.

England are still yet to name their twenty 20 captain, the logical choices are Dimi Mascarenhas, Robert Key, and Eddie (the dog from Frasier).

Morris said, “They all have their strong points, Dimi is Australian, Rob has an autocratic pomp, and Eddie is cute, has a rogue charm, and his form a few years ago was exceptional. “

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Zimbabwe and bad ex $ex


After sorting through many emails from aspiring young starlets, I got a bit bored (I know it surprised me too), so I popped over to cricinfo to see if there was a cricket match that could interest me.

The Windies are currently playing the Zimbabweans, who knew?

I used to love the Zimbabweans, didn’t you?

Heath Streak playing each game like Mugabe was going to take him from behind. Andy Flower batting better than all his southern neighbours. Paul Strang confusing batsmen with perfectly pitched wrong uns and Neil Johnson who gave his whole country a piggyback ride during the 99 world cup.

Johnson’s innings against the Aussies in the tournament was Natalie Portman kissing Keira Knightley worthy.

Then it all went a$$ shaped.

Pick a cause, Mugabe, farmers, civil violence, starving children and political interference just to name a few.

It was gone all too soon.

Now we have a bunch of brave kids, who are being used as some sort of Mugabe version of the Hitler youth.

I want to like them, I even want them to be my second favourite team again, but it’s like sleeping with a bird after she ended it badly the first time. You want to recreate that original felling, but you can’t because your sh1tscared she’ll end it again.

So for that reason and many others, I will never sleep with Robert Mugabe again.

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