Tagged with andy bichel

The IPL has started

There was Lionel Ritchie singing with his microphone turned down. And other western acts.

Some drag queen dancing acts, except with the drag queens.

Bollywood stuff seemed to be happening as well.

Costumes that some people were comparing to klu klux klan on twitter.

Then Ravi yelled.

Andy Bichel did some commentary, he sounded like Danny Morrison on ketamine.

Lalit was missing most of the time, but in his place was a lady in a red dress, an obvious homage to the Matrix.

Brad Hodge looked pissed off.

Many snatch shots of the cheerleaders, none on super slow mo, maybe next year.

Angelo Mathews continues to not exist.

The Chargers song was remixed, still shit though.

Owais Shah had cut down his sleeves to show off the guns.

There were time outs, but they weren’t strategically named, but they were strategically used.

The IPL has ads between the balls, they are louder and less awkward than the Channel 9 versions.

ITV brought out Hoggard, Hick and some dude and some Indian chick for their coverage. Hoggy was ok, the rest were ordinary and only the Indian chick had done any research.

Gilly seemed to keep hitting the ball in the air and not getting caught.

I never thought I’d say this, but I wanted fake smiles from SRK.

Rohit Sharma continues to vie for Indian batsmen most likely to be assassinated.

The game fizzled out.

The Windies beat Zimbabwe.

Nap.

The IPL has started, not with a bang, not with a whimper, but with a carefully stage managed event that had shit western acts, lots of dancing, two teams making decent totals and Andy Bichel.

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ashes fact 12

Andrew Bichel was a poor 12th man.

He couldn’t cut oranges correctly, his pouring of drinks was below par, and he would go around sniffing other players boxes while the boys were out on the field.

The reason he was 12th man was because he was thought of as Australia’s lucky charm.

Instead of the Australian team going through all their normal superstitions, Bichel would do that for them.

At various times he didn’t shave or wash, refrained from masturbation during matches, had to hop on one leg for the entirity of a Steve Waugh innings, and had to dress up as player’s wives and perform their womanly duties so the players felt at home.

This, and this alone, was the reason he was 12th man so much.

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The Sheffield Shield, brought to you by a soggy breakfast: QLD

QLD, the New Texas Bulls

Players that won’t be available for large parts of the season.

Hayden, Roy?, Watson and Hopes.

Losing Watson and Hopes in the one season would cripple most state teams, but the one thing Queensland has is all rounders.

The two bets performed all rounders in state cricket last year were Ryan Harris and Ashley Noffke, they are now team mates, and Noffke has a point to prove.

Last year they were plainly spoken complete fucken rubbish. Actually they were way worse than that.

They were old, stale, and pathetic.

This year the have shed Maher and Kasprowicz, for some unknown reason kept Bichel, and Johnson has gone to be with his girlfriend.

Leadership

Chris Simpson is the new captain, and I don’t know a lot about him, it always seems risky when a team makes a fringe player a captain, but if he is the only choice, he is the only choice.

He said some strong words in the media about hard work and so forth, but so did Nathan Adcock last year, and where is he now, exactly.

Bowling

Ashley Noffke was the best bowler outside of test cricket last year. Ryan Harris was the hardest working man in show bizness last year,

But once these two are finished what does Queensland have. They have no spinners, Andy Bichel and lots of untried bowlers, Noffke and Harris would have to take a lot of wickets, and if one gets the call up, Queensland are in trouble.

Batting

Old.

Unkown.

Strugglers.

And all rounders.

I have never seen a state line up look so bare.

Noffke and Harris may end up with all the wickets and all the runs.

Long in the tooth

Andy Bichel is technically already dead and no one has told him and Martin Love is pensioner, if both of these guys play out the whole year I’d be surprised.

Ready to shed the nappies

Ummmm, shit, lets say Alistair McDermott who makes other red heads look subtle.

Nostradamus

Shield

Last.

One dayers

Last.

2020

Second Last.

The rub

They seem old and ordinary, and the probably are, remember when they were good.

The Robert DeNiro mob

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Andy Bichel is still a Twat, and so is Brad Hodge

“You think, ‘What’s going on here?’ Even Brett Geeves getting a game against Bangladesh… it should have been Ashley Noffke. It’s just mind-blowing.” Andy Bichel

I have never liked Andy Bichel, his face offends me.

But this is nonsense.

Ashley Noffke had an ordinary domestic one day summer, Brett Geeves was off the chart.

Andy Bichel is so old that perhaps his sight has departed him.

I have already grudgingly admitted the Noffke should have gone to India ahead of Siddle, but that was test cricket.

Bichel didn’t attack Siddle though, which is strange, usually he loves taking a dip at Victorians, instead he went Brett Geeves who has never hurt anyone and has a cool hair cut.

He is also not biased at all in this decision, being Noffke’s team mate for the last 10 years.

“Unfortunately I don’t select any sides, certainly not the Australian side, otherwise I’d be over there now.” Brad Hodge

Talking about people without bias, Brad Hodge would pick himself.

Aheada of who I am not sure.

Hodge had an ordinary shield season last year.

Take away his triple hundred against the Queensland bowlers who were all injured, and the decent half century against NSWales in the final, Hodge underperformed.

Simon Katich made a kabillion runs.

Shane Watson is an all rounder.

So why does Brad Hodge believe he should be in the squad ahead of either one of them.

Hodgey, just once would you think before you speak.

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