Well if you are from New South Wales, it gets you a trip to sunny India to replace the other 19 players who never went or have come home.

That is all that Burt Cockley needed to do, 4 of his 5 wickets came in his last game.

He bowled 2nd change.

He is going to India.

Not Brett Geeves, Dirty Dirk Nannes, or the Proctologist Stuart Clark.

You now get the feeling that Australia are purposefully sending over

They have obviously stepped into this deathly vortex and their only hope is sending out players that it doesn’t matter if they get injured.

Andrew McDonald has been sent over as well.

I do understand the theory.

But surely it would be cheaper and safer to just cancel the last two games, lose the 5th game on purpose and come home.

Even if that would mean that Burt, and his piercing blue eyes, miss out on a debut.

Australian injury toll is now 8. That is pretty extreme.

Injury list:

Tim Paine – not enough calcium
Brad Haddin – couldn’t be bothered
Michael Clarke – under the thumb
James Hopes – fringe injury
Brett Lee – recurrence of earnestness
Nathan Bracken – who?
Peter Siddle – faking to get a day off
Moises Henriques – kieron pollard inspired panic attack
Callum Ferguson- who i forgot

Unlike any other 4th bowling option he builds pressure not releases it.

Marcus North can bowl 12 overs a day without a problem, and Katich and Clarke have hardly bowled.

Andrew McDonald is not even in England.

Australia’s only chance of winning this test is with an all seam attack.

Ponting does not see Hauritz as a strike bowler, Australia need 4 strike bowlers to take 20 wickets on a flat wicket.

The pitch will bounce, Clark is good with bounce.

If he plays Watson is far less likely to bowl.

The other 3 quicks seemed more comfortable with him around.

This might be his last tour, of anywhere.

I like to watch him bat.

Taking Hauritz is the defensive option.

I like using the phrase Glenn McGrath lite.

Who would Paul Collingwood (England’s third best batsman in the current squad) prefer to play.

Hauritz has bowled as well as I have ever seen him bowl in this series, Clark took 3 for 18 last test.

Stuart Clark dies his hair, this amuses me.

I said Australia couldn’t win a test with Hauritz in the team, so far the only test they have won was when he did not play, regardless of the pitch, I see no reason to change a winning team.

If Hauritz plays, takes 12 wickets, and spins Australia to victory I might spontaneously combust.

True.

And they need something special.

You and & I know what that is, but the man wont say it.

But I will be so bold.

Australia needs Andrew McDonald.

I am sorry to Mitchell Johnson, Phil Hughes, Marcus North, Peter Siddle or Brad Haddin, but someone needs to make way.

Australia needs a “Mac-Attack”.

You know it makes sense.

He had to be taken off against Northants, lest he get the whole side out with his wobbly slow ones.

He is the answer to the question the selectors haven’t asked yet.

“How can we win the ashes, out England England and look stylish doing so?”

McDonald is Australia’s ace in the hole; no one in the English camp is expecting him in the side.

His presence will confuse them greatly, “Why this man plays like one of us, yet with flame from his head, how shall we ever defeat him”.

The world is ready for more McDonald.

And Australia needs to play this trump card now.

If you think picking Andrew McDonald is the wrong move, think of the look on Shane Watson’s face if McDonald was picked before him.

Exactly.

Let’s start at the top. Ponting runs the risk of becoming the first captain to lose the Ashes twice, and it is a very real risk of that happening. History shows that Ponting’s Aussies do not take defeat likely – witness their thrashings of both England and South Africa after losing to them – but this also shows that they are intent on learning things the hard way. If you can only outsmart Graeme Smith by losing to him, there’s something wrong somewhere in your brain.

There’s no doubt that Ponting the Batsman has improved over the last four years, but Ponting the Captain does not seem to have moved on at all. He’s up against a leader more cerebral than either Smith* or Michael Vaughan and this time he doesn’t have a side full of experienced lieutenants to help him out. Moreover, he’s the only member of the Aussie top order who can be relied upon to make runs during this series; even for a scrapper like Ponting, that’s a heavy weight to bear on top of everything else.

Michael Clarke

Australia’s worst nightmare has to be that Ponting gets injured and Clarke takes over the captaincy. If ever a player failed to live up to his early promise, it’s this guy. The ‘Pup’ nickname hangs around his neck like a leaden dog tag and, no matter how many runs he scores, he never seems to be truly comfortable at the crease. His increasingly anodyne left arm spin means that he cannot truly be regarded as a bowling option in Test cricket. As the changing hairstyles show, he seems to be a man still trying to find his role within the side.

Phillip Hughes

Burst onto the scene against a South African side who had hardly seen any footage of him and scored plenty of runs against an attack somewhat lacking in either brains or guile. Even so, he showed some weakness against the rising ball bowled from around the wicket and moving into him. England’s attack might not be as pacy as the South Africans’, but Broad and Anderson certainly have more wit about their bowling than Steyn, Nel and Ntini and Flintoff specialises in the sort of ball Hughes has trouble with.

Moreover, whilst he has been scoring a truckload of runs whilst playing for Middlesex, he will find an English Test attack in English conditions a very different proposition to a popgun Division Two one, especially as he will have provided hours of footage for England to analyse. Indeed, a conspiracy theorist might suggest that county attacks had been told to keep him at the crease for as long as possible.

Simon Katich

The most surprising survivor of the 2005 side, Katich reinvented himself as an attacking opening bat to win back his place in the side. The suspicion remains that the technical defects exploited by England four years ago remain and will be even more exposed against the new ball than the old one. The fact that his famously volcanic temper seems to have worsened over the intervening four years won’t have helped and the stress of an Ashes series is likely to provoke at least one flashpoint during the summer. That his left arm wrist spin is now an even more effective weapon could actually act against the Aussies, as the lack of other spin bowling options could force them to retain him even if he does hit a bad run of form.

Mike Hussey

Mr Cricket is in the worst run of form of his career. Whilst he could conceivably come out of it before the Ashes begin, it is hard to see how five months with no first class cricket at all will assist. His performances against South Africa this winter suggest that he may have lost his nerve against quality fast bowling.

Marcus North

As well as having to deal with the tensions of a first Ashes series, North now has to prove that he is worthy of the number six spot over and above the missing Andrew Symonds. Has plenty of experience of English conditions, but again has only played in the second division here. Another who will probably rely upon his bowling to retain his place.

Andrew McDonald

Probably the luckiest man to be on this tour. Has yet to convince anyone other than the Aussie selectors that he is Test class. As a rule, gingers aren’t.

Shane Watson

Has shown occasional flashes of being able to play at this level. Problem is that, any time he hits a good vein of form, he gets injured. It is as if there is some kind of horrendous curse on the man. When asked why he had been selected, Andrew Hilditch didn’t seem to know. Which doesn’t exactly bode well.

Brad Haddin

Iron gloves, dubious morals and has only had one decent run of scores at Test level. Basically, not Adam Gilchrist on so many levels. Even allowing for the fact that he had a hard act to follow, is not likely to frighten any international attack and batsmen will always feel comfortable with him standing up to the stumps.

Graham Manou

Not even Brad Haddin.

Mitchell Johnson

Frustratingly inconsistent, he has the ability to damage any batting order with the ball and demoralise bowling attacks with his late order hitting. However, still seems equally likely to get carted around the park with the ball and to be dismissed cheaply. The latter calls into question his credentials as a Test match number eight. Basically, until he learns some self control, he’s not going to be the threat he should be.

Brett Lee

Will the real Brett Lee please stand up. He seemed to be rising to the challenge of leading the attack in place of McGrath, even during the 2005 Ashes. But once Pigeon was gone for good, he lost form, got injured and the cycle just seemed to repeat itself. His overall statistics haven’t altered much, but it is hard to see how he is going to be the same player that he was four years ago after so much time away from the game.

Peter Siddle

His record against South Africa cannot be ignored, but neither the fact that the bulk of his Test wickets have come in hot, dry conditions. Will only be a serious contender on this tour if the summer is unusually warm, especially as he has never played in England before.

Stuart Clark

Like Lee, coming back from a serious injury. Hard, therefore, to see him starting in the Cardiff Test, which will then deprive Australia of their most potent bowling threat in English conditions.

Nathan Hauritz

HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa

In short. The Aussies aren’t going to win the Ashes, England are going to have to lose them.

Moises Henriques – Kolkata
38 runs @ av 19 sr 95 hs 30*
2 wickets @ 53 econ 8.79 bb 1/32

No one could quite understand how he kept getting a game, or the new ball. Is a very talented young kid, but maybe, just maybe, he should perform at the level below before he is given an opportunity.

David Hussey – Kolkata
98 runs @ av 24 sr 166 hs 43
0 wickets econ 8.5

Came late onto a ship that had already sunk, and decided to swing away. Looked in top touch, but kept getting out after amazing starts. Had a way better strike rate than McCullum or Gayle.

Lee Carseldine – Rajasthan
81 runs @ av 20.25 sr 119 hs 39
1 wicket @ 6 econ 6 bb 1/6

Came in first game and just smacked the ball everywhere when no one else could get the ball off the square, sadly that was about all he did in the tournament. Interestingly only bowled one over.

Rob Quiney - Rajasthan
103 runs @ av 14.7 sr 100.98 hs 51

Hit his first ball in the IPL for 6, then went out. Only really got two starts, and showed glimpses of his talent, but good spinners slowed him down or got him out. Hopefully he has learnt some good lessons, and will be able to score more consistently for Victoria.

Shane Harwood – Rajasthan
9 runs (no outs) sr 62 hs 6*
3 wickets @ 24.3 econ 7.30 bb 2/25

Only played 3 games, but did look dangerous. Rajasthan were more worried with making runs so he and Morne spent most of their time on the bench.

Luke Ronchi – Mumbai Indians
0 runs from 1 game

Sachin went into panic mode about half way through the tournament and threw Luke one game. He was run out for a duck.

Simon Katich – Punjab
145 runs @ av 16 sr 123 hs 50

His 50 was sensational, as good as I have seen the krab time the ball, but struggled other than that. 2020 really wasn’t made for him, and had his coach not been Moody, I doubt he would played too often.

George Bailey – Chennai
45 runs @ av 22.5 sr 115 hs 30

In both of his innings he looked in top form, and in both of them he ran himself out. The good news was smilin’ George looked completely at home at this level of cricket.

Andrew McDonald - Delhi
3 runs @ av 3 sr 75 hs 3
0 wickets (3 overs) econ 7.33 bb 0/22

Only played the one game when Delhi were resting players, and got a sensational Yorker from Anil Kumble.

Luke Pomersbach – Punjab
41 runs @ av 10.25 sr 83 hs 26

Looked out of touch, and small. When Luke is at his best he looks like a Hayden type bully, here he looked like a mouse imitating a flea.

The only mistake I made was Symonds out, McDonald in.

Andrew Strauss must know that he can’t win the Ashes now.

How can anyone beat the awesome game winning power of Andrew McDonald.

Symonds must be on one hell of a bender.

I really do.

But I am so tired I just don’t think I will make it.

I think I fell asleep before and dreamt that the reason the squad hasn’t been announced yet is because Andrew Hilditch can’t get hold of Andrew McDonald to tell him he is dropped.

McDonald, who being the fairly relaxed country boy he is, forgot about the squad and turned his phone off so Hilditch couldn’t get through.

Hilditch couldn’t work out what hotel Delhi were staying at, so in a panic he calls Glenn McGrath and Greg Shipperd, but both their phones are off, and the only other person he can contact is Dirty Dirk Nannes.

He calls Dirk, and wakes up the snarling beast, who when he finds out who it is, screams a beastial roar into the phone and then tells Hilditch he won’t wake McDonald up to tell him he is dropped and turns his phone off.

Ofcourse it was only a dream.

Since I wont be up when they announce the real team, this is my guess:

Ricky Ponting,  Michael Clarke, Stuart Clark, Brad Haddin, Nathan Hauritz, Ben Hilfenhaus, Phillip Hughes, Michael Hussey, Mitchell Johnson, Simon Katich, Brett Lee, Graham Manou, Marcus North, Andrew Symonds, Peter Siddle, Shane Watson.

Let’s see if I can read Hilditch’s mind.

Or in the team at all.

But Andrew McDonald at 6 is a vastly superior option than Franklin.

James Franklin who averages 31 at NZ first class level, compared with McDonald’s 38 at shield level.

Franklin is a bowler who bats.

McDonald is a none entity who all rounds.

But even on my drunkest day, which is not today (although i have had a shot), I would never put James Franklin in at number 6.

He is an emergncy number 7, and a handy number 8.

There is no doubt he can bat, but that is like putting Mitchell Johnson at 6, and the only person who has suggested that is Shane Watson.

Enough said, and then some.

To be fair, the kiwis position at 6 for shit house at lunch is nothing to do with this, but i felt the need to talk about it anyway.

But we won inspite of your selection, not because of it.

Your bowling was impressive, pretty much exactly what you do for Victoria, lock up an end, and let the others attack.

This isn’t Victoria, you can’t play as a batsman in this side, because your batting isn’t upto it, and there are no spots available anyway.

Australia need 4 bowlers who can multiple wickets, not a bits and pieces man to lock up an end.

Hilfenhaus, Siddle, and Johnson can all be used to lock up an end, but can then be used as attacking options.

You cannot.

Australia need to win the test, and usually 4 bowlers works.

From my wonky reasearch, 4 first class games have ended in draws at Durban this year, so 3 bowlers isn’t going to help that.

Plus its a boring defenisive move for a side who is 1 nil up, or, more importantly, 2 all.

I don’t even care who plays in his place, obviously i’d prefer Bryce, but if Geeves plays that is cool too.

4 bowlers has to be a new minimum for Australia, its a contreversial new theory, but it may catach on.

For some reason when Australia go on tour of recent times they try 3, but FUCK THAT.

4 bowlers.

Andrew, if I am a selector, your career as an Australian would be terminated.

I’m not a selector though, incase you wondered.