Tagged with andrew hilditch

Hilditch’s anchor

Andrew Hilditch’s belief in the Australian batsmen and Shane Watson’s delicate body seems more moronic the longer this tour goes (5 days of cricket in).  He and his team decided that Australia’s spare batsmen for the tour was Shane Watson, a man that makes a violet crumble look like a titanium rod.

Watson broke down, surprisingly absolutely no one, and Australia are left with two men to be back up batsmen for the next test, Andrew McDonald, not a test class batsmen, and Graham Manou, definitely not a test class batsmen.

All of this would be fine if the Australian batting order was firing on all cylinders, but if Marcus North’s batting was a car then he wouldn’t be able to put the key in.

The best way of explaining North’s current form is that Nathan Hauritz looks like Mark Waugh in comparison. North cannot buy, steal, find or molest a run so far.

Against Sussex he was in quicksand, his first innings lasted 5 balls, his second innings lasted 50 balls for 11 runs. There was a sense of desperation in his batting that I haven’t seen since the last time I saw Michael Hussey out of form (which definitely was not today).

Today he lasted 5 balls again, although I am not sure how. Almost every ball, no matter how benign it appeared, was like a cluster bomb when it got to him.

North is a very accomplished batsman, but he isn’t a world-beater, and if his off spin wasn’t like Viagra to the Australian selectors you couldn’t see them picking him ahead of Hodge, Ferguson, Hussey (jnr), Klinger or some random NSWales youngster.

His maiden hundred was well made, but he did have some luck. Had South Africa seen him play a bit more they would have closed down his “Western Australian scoring channel” though point with a posse of catching fielders a la Stephen Fleming to Damien Martyn.

And since that hundred Marcus North has not been a factor, although since that hundred he has had only 3 innings to be a factor.

There was a time when Australia would have had a “bat off” with a couple of batsmen on a tour like this, but Hilditch turned up with his batting superglued in place.

Right now, he must be looking for some nail polish remover, because North is looking shaky at best, and at worst, he looks like an Ashes anchor like The Krab Katich did in 05.

Shane Watson’s injury hasn’t made this worse, as even if he was brought into the side to replace North, what sort of kamikaze gambler would bet on him lasting 5 whole days of cricket.

Surely even Hilditch is questioning is choices about now.

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Things that make me smile

Sehwag batting.

Jesse smiling.

Dirty Dirk falling over.

Natalie Portman.

And this article.

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Late nights, john coltrane and a wandering mind

I want to stay up and report on the ashes squad.

I really do.

But I am so tired I just don’t think I will make it.

I think I fell asleep before and dreamt that the reason the squad hasn’t been announced yet is because Andrew Hilditch can’t get hold of Andrew McDonald to tell him he is dropped.

McDonald, who being the fairly relaxed country boy he is, forgot about the squad and turned his phone off so Hilditch couldn’t get through.

Hilditch couldn’t work out what hotel Delhi were staying at, so in a panic he calls Glenn McGrath and Greg Shipperd, but both their phones are off, and the only other person he can contact is Dirty Dirk Nannes.

He calls Dirk, and wakes up the snarling beast, who when he finds out who it is, screams a beastial roar into the phone and then tells Hilditch he won’t wake McDonald up to tell him he is dropped and turns his phone off.

Ofcourse it was only a dream.

Since I wont be up when they announce the real team, this is my guess:

Ricky Ponting,  Michael Clarke, Stuart Clark, Brad Haddin, Nathan Hauritz, Ben Hilfenhaus, Phillip Hughes, Michael Hussey, Mitchell Johnson, Simon Katich, Brett Lee, Graham Manou, Marcus North, Andrew Symonds, Peter Siddle, Shane Watson.

Let’s see if I can read Hilditch’s mind.

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I’ll bring the matches, Shaun

If Shaun Tait decides he wants to burn down Cricket Australia, I will happily help out.

When Cricket Australia said to Shaun Tait that he was banned from playing in the IPL because he was coming back from injury, I thought fair enough.

Obviously they want him for the World 2020 thingy, and they are protecting him.

Then he wasn’t picked, but Brett Lee was coming back from injury, and I thought well it’s harsh, but I ‘spose if Lee doesn’t pull up, Tait will be the man.

Now he has been axed from the 25 contracted players, and I am pissed off.

If they knew he wasn’t going to be in the top 25 Australian players, why were they stopping him playing in the IPL?

They used their last bit of contract to screw this young guy out of making some money in what has been a stop start career.

That’s just mean, man.

I’m not surprised, Andrew Hilditch has turned into a bit of a prickly prick of recent times.

His slagging off of Dirty Dirk Nannes was just uncalled for.

Perhaps he just has a problem with unorthodox proper quick bowlers.

Hilditch has thrown a biscuit on the floor in front of Shaun, “Shaun’s been quite clearly told that he’s very much in the mix for one-day cricket in particular,”.

My main question is this, Is this the best way to handle a man who only last year had to step down from the game for a rest (depression)?

You’d doubt it.

Ofcourse my past with Shaun is no pretty picture, I love the guys bowling, but don’t always agree with anything he has to say.

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Manou becomes a ghost

There was once a time when Australia would never tour England with one wicket keeper.

Nowadays they figure that one is enough, and if they need the second one they will fly him there within 48 hours.

A side effect of the one keeper problem is that no one knows who the back up keeper is at the moment, and without the ashes selection, the state keepers will be kept in the dark for even longer.

It should be Luke Ronchi, but he has had an Ian Baker Finch time of it since he smashed the Windies around. The next most obvious is Tim Paine, who has to be in the frame because of his massive talent.

But Graham Manou has shunted past these two in the eyes of many experts, even for me, and I love Ronchi and Paine.

Manou’s solid keeping, gutsy batting and consistent performances have just impressed everyone, while Paine and Ronchi fail to get the job done.

If Australia does continue to have just one keeper, Manou doesn’t trust that if Haddin gets injured, he’ll get a call and a plane ticket. The boy wants to be sure of his back up position, and he’s going to England regardless:

“If the selections don’t go my way, processes are being put into place by myself and my management company to get me over there,”

It’s an interesting development in cricket. I am calling it a ghost tourist, which is different to Adil Rashid being a non-official tourist, or Brett Lee’s gate crashing tourist.

What you do is find out where your team is touring, you book a ticket, and then wait around a hotel for a phone call.

It could work, I spose.

The only problem I can see is that the Australian selectors might feel that Manou is emotionally blackmailing them, and decide to give him a big fuck you by selecting Ronchi.

But surely Hilditch isn’t that petty…


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the push for nice bryce

I think you will admit i have been very held back about the fact that Bryce has still not been picked for Australia.

I am yet to threaten anyone with death, or any sort of damage.

Other than the odd Andrew McDonald joke, there has been very little said on here.

But Terry Jenner has said some things;

“I can’t see any point in not playing him. It wouldn’t make sense to not at least find out about him,”

“If he can’t get a game when Australia is 2-0 up in the series then they are not going to play him in England.”

“Without being silly, McDonald is a bits-and-pieces cricketer but Bryce McGain bowls leg-breaks for a living.”

And cricinfo has this as their team for cape town:

Australia (possible) 1 Phillip Hughes, 2 Simon Katich, 3 Ricky Ponting (capt), 4 Michael Hussey, 5 Michael Clarke, 6 Marcus North, 7 Brad Haddin (wk), 8 Mitchell Johnson, 9 Peter Siddle, 10 Bryce McGain, 11 Ben Hilfenhaus.”

Plus they talk about Marcus North and his bout of the shits;

“their situation has been complicated by a bout of gastro that struck down North the day before the game. He did not train with the squad on Wednesday and it meant the Australians were forced to delay naming their 12. With no batting backups in the touring party, if North fails to recover it will almost certainly mean a debut for McGain. The Newlands pitch is expected to offer some turn, so McGain is a chance to play anyway,”

Ricky had this to say,

“There’s a lot of upsides in Bryce playing in this game but with this group of players we’ve got together and the work that they’ve done over the past few weeks it is going to be difficult to break the side up.”

Andrew Hilditch had this,

“We are expecting Cape Town to be quite useful for spinners so McGain will definitely be considered for Cape Town.”

“The conditions, as they did last time, have suited spin bowlers. There is no doubt about that.”

And just to round it out i spoke to Bryce directly, and asked if he was playing.

He said he wont know until the morning.

Bryce has been waiting for almost 37 years.

I have been waiting for about 16 months.

One more day wont hurt us.

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Who killed Shane Watson?

That is the question in the hearts and minds of the Australian supporters.

Why?

Because he is fit, and he was not picked for Australia.

That simply does not happen.

Shane is a cricketer who is so unbelievably gifted that form considerations do not affect him.

If he is fit, he plays, if he is dead, he is 12th man.

No questions asked.

So on this tour of the West Indies I ask you, is he simply being rested from a B grade opponent, or has someone killed him.

Surely if he was killed we would have heard about it?

What about taken hostage?

Now that is a very good chance.

The Cops may wanna keep it on the downlow till they have a suspect.

So Andrew Hilditch, I know in situations like these, finding a loved one can be tough, especially when every cricket fan in Australia wants him dead, but I can give you a lead.

A certain (suspected) blogger on this site, and I’m not saying who, but he owns a cat named donut, is the guy I would send the pigs over to check first.

Know what I’m saying dawg.

The dude seriously hates your boy Watson.

Not sure why, must have a thing against cricketers who never play up to their potential but get picked all the time regardless.

Pervert.

Personally I love Shane, naked, nude, lubed up or otherwise, because he reminds me of the rule of nature.

Talent is important, but hype, potential and having influential friends is way more important.

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MacGill v Hogg – why bother with either?

In the wake of the retirements of the two greatest bowlers Australia has ever produced, the mantra of the post-Hohns selection committee should be to look forward and plan for the future and not be so worried about the present.

Andrew Hilditch and Cricket Australia are so concerned about attendance figures at games that their sole focus is on winning, winning, winning. But what about the future?

It is alright for John Buchanan to come out and say that we can palm off our “not-good-enoughs” to other countries, but our reign at the top will not last forever. The time is right for the top-nobs to start thinking about 10/11, not 07/08.

Hogg and MacGill may be good for one, maybe two years and you are all going to say that the talent is thin in the spin bowling stocks so that there isn’t someone ready to take the mantle. But remember who was the fat blonde bloke that got belted by the Indians those years ago? He was picked at 21 years of age.

We need to take a risk on a kid. I don’t care if its Callum Bailey or Dan Cullen, they may get smashed too and we may lose some games against weaker sides than us, but remember short term pain for long term gain!!!

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