Tagged with andrew flintoff

The end for Freddie

Some people don’t try very hard in life.

Mostly because they are rubbish at things.

But when someone who is very good at something doesn’t try very hard, it really pisses you off.

“If I had their talent…”

That is why a lot of people liked Freddie.

He was freakishly talented, and yet he wouldn’t cruise, he would bowl spells that his body couldn’t handle, time and time again, and he leaves the game because of how much he put in every time he played for his country.

He may not have the record of Jacob Oram, or Jacques Kallis, but he had more balls than the two of them combined.

That doesn’t mean he wasn’t over rated by many, he definitely was.

People looked beyond the fact he only had two really great test years. Two years when his head and body were in the right space.

In those two years he was a monster. He ate up countries in that time. Runs, wickets and scary presence.

4 of his 5 hundreds were in those years, both of his 5 wicket hauls as well.

Batting average of 43, bowling average of 27, and Richter scale of 10.

He was a flaming ball of testosterone during that period.

No one could touch him. But it took a toll, as did captaincy, drinking, and his heavy frame.

He was the sort of guy you wanted in your side, the reason he turned from a fat lazy bastard into FREDDIE was because Bob Simpson once called him a cunt.

That sums him up. He wants to show he is trying to do his best at all times, and when Simpson said he wasn’t, he stepped up so much that he carried his side to an Ashes victory.

What a heart the big fella must have.  An industrial strength organ that can push through pain barriers.

That spell in the West Indies when he was clearly injured is one of my all time favourite spells.

Watching it was like watching a broken boxer keep throwing the punches, he still had the heart, but the body wasn’t there. It reminded me of Ali in his fight against Larry Holmes. He knew he had the spirit in him, but his body wouldn’t let the magic come out.

Freddie wouldn’t stop though, and that is when I thought Freddie was gone.

He bowled 15 overs that day, 15 blood stained overs, and took no wickets.

And that is Freddie, all effort, little results.

He is more a folk hero than an actual hero.

But I don’t care, I would pay to watch the big fella hit the wicket any day of the week, if I was picking someone to play for my life, I’d rather have a drunkard with a big heart than a professional cricketer with his eye on the clock.

Test cricket needs guys like him, and today test cricket is a little worse off knowing that he will be leaving it.

Thanks for the brutishness Freddie.

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Freddie is fucked

Again.

I said the other day he was running like a three-legged dog.

I should know, I am playing cricket with a torn cartilage, I know what it is like to run with a knee made of cheese.

Harmy has been brought in as a replacement; he is allowed to play now the tests are in England.

The whisper on the street corner is that he won’t play.

If you think back to how he played his first spell was amazing, and for the rest of the time he was just ok.

Just what you need when you get beaten up in the first test, your main allrounder and best seam bowler out.

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12 overs

That is all Freddie bowled, but in doing so he has rejuvenated the souls of millions of English cricket fans.

Not all of them, some think he is an over idolized drunkard who doesn’t help the team much.

They could be right, but who wants to watch the English team without him.

The Ashes will not be as cool without him.

As an Australian I am supposed to be afraid of him, but those days are past him.

Now he is just a big loveable entertaining teddy bear.

And the Ashes need that.

He might still cameo, but I doubt he will rip the hearts out of the Australian team like the legendary performances of yore.

So those 12 overs prove he is fit, well fit enough.

The only question is whether he can stay fit for long enough to play in the ashes, we still have 4 weeks to kill before the series begins.

It is a big question.

It only gets tougher once they start.

The Ashes are 5 tests in 7 weeks. That is hardcore.

Not a lot of physio or pub time.

This does spell the end, at least in the short term, of Tim Bresnan, which is a tragedy.

Not because he is a superstar in the making, but few bowlers in this day and age bowl with an untucked shirt that shows the small of their back as the deliver the ball like big Tim does.

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Freddie’s border control

He is more than just England’s talisman.

He is also a reviewer of Concierges and Rap Music.

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Why Adil is better than Freddie

England has decided on Adil Rashid to replace Freddie Flintoff for the world twenty20 thingy.

I know there are some out there that think this is a bad thing, it really isn’t.

Reasons why Adil rocks and Freddie flounders

Adil is a leggie; Freddie is not.

Adil gives the commentators 9.09% more chance of saying a batsman is wristy when England bat; Freddie doesn’t bat long enough these days for the commentators to say anything.

Adil gives good back rubs, Freddie has rough hands.

Adil’s selection means that we might see a cricketer moonwalk on the field, Freddie can only do the Robot.

Adil is cute and lovable; Freddie is cumbersome and fragile.

Adil deserves a chance to be more than a team mascot; Freddie would look great in a giant bulldog suit.

Adil is fit; Freddie is Freddie.

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ignored

I know England played the Windies yesterday.

But I refuse to talk about a game to so ugly that Paul Collingwood turns into Andrew Flintoff (the good one, not the new one) and strangles the game to death.

3/16 and a 50.

Come on, that is obscene.

I hope no children saw it.

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Freddie is gone

I love the big son of a bitch, I do. He just has the qualities I like in a player. He sledges, he has presence, he plays through pain, he tries his asshole off, and he can win a game through personality, batting or bowling. If the aliens allow me to clone the cricket ability of any modern cricketer, he would be at the top of my list.

There are few like him out there.

But he never fucken plays, he hasn’t made runs since people used minidiscs, and he doesn’t take enough wickets.

But Freddie is gone, done, finished. Call in the cannibals, fresh meat here.

He doesn’t have it any more, there will be cameos, possibly brilliant ones, but Freddie is now more an occasional hard hitting guest star than the leading man.

There was a time when Freddie would have dominated the IPL, even if his heart wasn’t in it. He would have picked that shit up and tossed it around the bedroom like a dwarf he caught going through his underwear.

He would have destroyed everyone, and won a bunch of fans doing it, but this IPL he has played like a dentist trying to stop a fight between two warriors.

There were flashes of his genius in the Windies. Him bowling injured to try and brute strength a win as the Windes dug in for the draw was inspiring stuff, and something that Jacques Kallis would have many a wet dream over.

But Freddie couldn’t do it.

Whether he ever can again is questionable. He hasn’t been a force in a long time.

He still inspires, but he can no longer place an average English side on his back and carry them to Victory.  Someday he would struggle to carry his wallet to the shops buy them all Orange juice.

The magic has gone, and this Freddie is now big, but not strong, tough, but not hard, well hung, but not erect, and loved, but not adored.

He will still get up for the odd series, especially the Ashes, but after that his joints and his desire may have run out of super powers he once had.

He is now a mortal, and they don’t last as long as superheroes.

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How many shirts does Freddie have to sell?

I just finished this post, and then heard Freddie had been sent home because of a dodgy knee.

Bastards, well I’m posting it anyway.

A lot.

No one is getting paid more money than Freddie, and very few are doing less on the field.

His IPL is looking decidedly ordinary.

2 of the worst 3 bowling performances.

His strike rate of 116 is pitiful, and everytime I have seen him bat he has scored more than a few runs to the third man boundary.

He is failing.

It can’t be easy being the top money earner, but at the moment he is playing like 200,000 grand might have been too much.

He is the biggest bust in the IPL by so much even Jacques Kallis is feeling comfortable.

Should we have seen this coming?

I had him as my model for Chennai, reasoning that he was injured and only in town for a limited time.

It gets worse ofcourse

When Freddie played for the world XI he was shit, he had no interest in representing the world.

He loves playing for England and Lancashire.

He strikes me as someone who needs to love the badge on his chest, not sure the Chennai Lion would have that appeal to him.

And it’s showing out on the field.

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The Ultimate IPL Guide: Chennai Superkings

The buffed up male models

Porn star: MS Dhoni

Most IPL fans probably only know MS Dhoni is in the team, everyone else is irrelevant. The most in form one-day batsman on the planet, and will want this title. Is the main man in this team in every way, and will get the press whether he performs or not.

Pole dancer: Suresh Raina

Was in devastating form last season, and now has more experience at the top level. There is nothing of him, but he still hits the ball very hard. Every chance he will take the IPL apart this year.

Boy next door: Napoleon Einstein

May not even play but is a cult figure already.

Model: Freddie Flintoff

Very well suited to playing 2020 cricket, but is recovering from injury, with an eye on the ashes, and around for about a fortnight, Hardly worth it. Might sell some shirts back home.

Home Made/Amateur: MS Gony.

Hard working quick, can really bowl and has a great back-story.

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Ashes fact 94

People often talk about how great it was when Freddie Flintoff got down on the turf to console Brett Lee straight after Australia’s loss at Edgbaston.

Few know the real reason.

Freddie was not consoling Lee, he was thanking him for his work as a double agent.

England’s plan for the whole series was to get Brett (Benedict Lee the Third) into the team.

You didn’t really think Lee was Australian did you, I mean he is nice and designs underwear, does that sound Australian?

Generally it is Australia who sends double agents into the English camp, Geraint Jones, Craig White, Graeme Hick, Alan Mullally to name but a few.

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