cricket with balls

There is something about Andre Russell, and yesterday just reminded me of it. If you are still undecided about him, I put a list together of Andre’s awesomeness.

Andre has a mohawk, well its more like a modern style fashionable mohawk, but it’s definitely not a fauxhawk, at worst it is mohawklite, which is still pretty cool.

This mohawklite glistens amazingly well when he is bowling.

Andre is W less. Andrew Russell would be a rubbish name for a big hitting all rounder.

He seems to actually like playing cricket, .

Wears a silver necklace, not a gold one, it makes all the difference.

Is athletic and keen in the field, moves to the ball like someone who was invented for the purpose.

When he has a good game, it’s hide your kids, hide your wife good. He doesn’t just burn your house down, he cluster bombs every house in your neighbourhood, releases a pathogen in your city and then goes house to house with a gas mask on with a home made ax to hack up any survivors (before taking a break and watching his team mates help save the city and rebuild the houses).

Sometimes pretends to be pulling out of a ball only to then go through with it, it’s a Keyser Soze delivery.

Clicks his heals together after taking a catch.

Has the highest score ever made in an ODI batting at 9.

Bowls really well to left handers, sure its becuase he falls over at the crease, but there are a lot of left handers in the world for him to fall over for.

When he hits the ball, it stays hit. Unlike other cricketers, who hit the ball but after a while the ball just stops being hit. When Andre hits the ball it stays hit forever.

Is cricket with balls own.

In the history of cricket with balls we’ve only ever claimed three cricketers.

Cricket with balls’ Bryce McGain, Cricket with balls’ Holly Colvin and Cricket with balls’ Eddie Cowan.

Today we add Andre Russell.

Obviously we were talking him up before anyone knew or cared about him.

Now there are literally dozens of people who are talking about Andre, and while we’ve had nothing to do with his career or his obvious natural talent, we feel largely responsible for his rise.

When he took four wickets and made a dashing 49 against England, we felt like it was us.

Not just the jrod who is writing this, but everyone who feels like cricket with balls is a part of their day.

Picking a player before you’ve seen him or anyone else has mentioned him is often a fools errand.

What if the player is never seen again, the whole process was a waste of time. And worse, if they are seen and their very existence makes you want to vomit into the mouth of a passing grandmother.

When we saw Andre Russell, we didn’t feel this way.

We felt proud.

From his pointy haircut to his inability to control the urge to play stupid shots through to his fast medium bowling that has a technical hitch or two he is someone we want to see play, that we want to write fantastical posts on and who will raise in random conversations for no real reason.

This is why we are making Andre Russell the fourth cricket with balls’ own player.

Arise, cricket with balls’ Andre Russell.

We hope you’ll continue to be an unpolished all rounder that can splatter a stump, hit a mean six and wear the weighty crown of cwb’s own on that pointy hair of yours.

Now it’s time for two chucking.

Until yesterday I had no idea who Andre Russell was.  And today I know little more.

All I know is that he plays cricket, and yesterday he played for West Indies A against Ireland.

In that game he made 64 off 31 balls and then took 6/42.

That was enough for me.

At the very least Russell is the saviour of West Indian, or even perhaps International cricket.

I can see this guy, whom I presume is a big fan of Alberta Cross, travelling around world cricket just tearing it up.

Andre, who probably loves the film Once, is exactly what cricket needs, a lean, mean, all round machine.

You can tell that Russell, who is a big chuck palahniuk nut, will be the man to bring the West Indies into the land of milk and honey.

Russell has the pace of Hall, the swagger of Richards, the hitting of Trumper, the sot hands of Grout, the jenesequa Miller and the aura of Sobers. This one performance is enough to completely change the future of world cricket. No one player has ever had the power that Andre Russell clearly has.  The world will shake, drop and moan at the very anticipation of what this cricket adonis can muster.  He will play cricket on a separate plane, even we as mere spectators will have to up our watching skills just to follow this amazing man.  For Children he won’t just be a hero, but the very embodiment of life itself, the reason they get up in the morning, their hope, their dreams, their raison d’être. Kings, Queens, Presidents, Tzars and CEOs will defer to him on all matters.  Andre Russell is cricket.

If you are wondering why I did this, well cricinfo don’t have a profile on Andre Russell yet, and I was hoping they’d use this.