Tagged with andre nel …

Dec 30 2007
windies

Another reason to love port elizabeth

…
Australia beating the very confident Indians, quite easily, at the G, was very satisfying for me.

But compared to the West Indies beating Evil South Africa at my favourite non Melbourne cricket ground, it was chicken feed.

Call me a sadist, but at least let me whip you when you do, but I much prefer to watch South Africa humiliate themselves than Australia record another comfortable victory.

Great moments from the PE game.

A pair for the confused match fixer.

A dodgy decision for their chunky proboter.

Captain falling to a short ball he fended with all the grace of Sourav Ganguly.

Their top order collapsed twice.

The destroyer of New Zealand became New Zealand.

Andre Nel remained crazy.

Dwayne Bravo finally won a test.

Chris Gayle smoted them.

And South Africa’s ©rap record at PE was strengthened.

Even if this isn’t the reemergence of the West Indies, for now it will do.

In other news, two teams tied for second place in the ICC test rankings lost their boxing day tests.

One lost to the number one side, no great surprise their, the other to the number 8 side that hasn’t won a test since Lindsay Lohan was still sober.

So if South Africa somehow lost this series, and when India lose this series, they could both go behind England, by my guestimations.

4th and 5th on the ladder, that should calm them both down for a while.

How cool.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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Dec 09 2007
Uncategorized

South Africa – the parasite of international cricket

It’s common knowledge that us three stooges – that being Uncle J-Rod, Sime and myself (Big Daddy) have an absolute hatred for South Africa. I thought its about time that I gave my reasons, (obvious to the general public) but those that need to be jammed down people’s throats every now and again. These are in no particular order – just coming up with them off the top of my head.

  1. Hansie Cronje – why is that even criminals aren’t praised after death
  2. Herschelle Gibbs – the idiot “forgot” to get out and is still $hit-scared about going to India – why would that be
  3. They forced the Duckworth Lewis disease to come into the game after whinging at the 92 World Cup
  4. Jacques Kallis – the most selfish player in international cricket – even Bevan didn’t bat for his average as much as this tosser does
  5. That they consistently choke – that is not a bad thing – it just really wastes all our time
  6. Andre Nel – pull the plug someone – or at least smack in the head on his follow through
  7. The fact that Barry Richards is lauded in the batting averages lists – the w@anker only played four friggin tests
  8. Their stupid philosophy of having coloured players in the side – once again not a bad thing – it just really wastes all our time
  9. Makhaya Ntini – convicted of rape, then acquitted – hang on – did Judge Schneider just return from holidays at Lake Springfield and claim “boys will be boys” at the request of Lisa Simpson. A nice role model for all young coloured players who will no doubt get a game as part of point 8.
  10. They think they are good!!!!

There are plenty more, but you’re the ones that will hopefully sift through these.

The only saving grace about this “whole in the world” is that Uncle J-Rod and I were able to witness probably the greatest innings in one-day cricket history in March 03 at the Wanderers when the Aussies flogged India to 2/359 – it was an absolute priviledge to be there and almost as good to stick it up all the South Africans who were gutted that the weak ba$tards couldn’t even reach the super sixes!!!!!

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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Nov 14 2007
17 Comments
general balls

is it racist to hate the south africans?


This is the question I have often pondered over the years.

Sure they are evil, but to purely not like someone because they come from South Africa does have a racist slant on it.

What about if you can justify it purely on the cricket team?

Still racist, well its not monkey slur, but it’ll do.

So why do I hate South Africans, I can narrow it down to two events.

Kepler Wessels bagging Australia after going back to South Africa, even after they let the untalented pr1ck open for them.

And Brian McMillan’s hissy fit in the 92 world cup. Everyone knew it was going to rain num nuts, everyone knew the rain rule was flawed and favoured the side batting first. So why send the other side in and then sook about it.

These are trivial events that won’t sway a neutral person, so now I’ll use the big cannons.

South Africa’s opening bowler, and most popular sportsmen, Ntini, is a convicted rapist. Not alleged, but convicted, who was only let out of jail, after being found not guilty on a technicality.

Hansie Cronje ran over a small child and killed it. He says it was an accident, but he was heard to say ‘what were the odds of that happening” shortly afterwards.

Graham Smith is an @sshole. That is all.

Herchelle Gibbs accepted money to throw his innings, and sell out his country. Then he didn’t even do that right. You can’t trust him if youre a bookie or a cricket fan.

KP is South African.

Andre Nel is a serial killer. I have no proof, but look at his eyes.

Their ex coach, and a nice guy, Bob Woolmer was found dead in a hotel room. Coincidence that the South Africans were in the region at the same time, I’ll let you be the judge.

Tony Greig is South African, and a pervert.

Hansie Cronje was a match fixer, who then became a born again Christian (a worse crime?), before he faked his own death and is now living in a ménage a trois with Princess Di and 2pac.

Jacques Kallis is really boring.

And between you and I, an ex Victorian Legend suspects one of their players is a terrorist.

To top all this off, this week they beat an Australian domestic team savagely. New Zealand is the least populated state of Australia, they only have 300 residents, and so to embarrass them like that is quite unnecessary.

I think they made Daniel Vettori cry.

This blog can also been seen on Sportsfreak

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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Oct 03 2007
general balls

Dhoni and his pants

After this series between the aussies and the Indians I think sreesanth, Roy and haydos should sit down and talk about fishing, cooking and I don’t know something sreesanth likes, boxing?

Then a group hug I think.

Seriously fellas none of us are taking this series seriously, why are you?

Ofcourse the truth is this series does mean shit, but it’s not the series these angry young men are playing for. To put it simply, the Indians want to move in on the Aussies turf, and the Aussies are planning on defeating the Indians before the test series starts in Melbourne.

This series is taken about as seriously as the Golden Globes, but every one wants to win the Globe so they can be the front runner for the Oscar.

Lets break down the 3 innings so far.

Dhoni’s captaincy was looking awesome, then Australia put pressure on his bowlers and he looks more like Stephen Fleming now, looking for people to fill holes everywhere. Now he needs more arms than Krishna (first Hindu reference).

Haddin, Hayden and Roy are looking pretty good. Hodge is a weakness but will be replaced shortly. Maybe Australia should look at brining MacGill back, so he and Sreesanth can have hissy fits together.

The Indian top order looked good, but suddenly the old men have shifted the balance. Their walking frames are slowing the Indians down in the field too.

The Indian bowling was their main weapon in the 2020. Now they have been dismantled twice in a row, the fast bowling Singh looks a but intimidated, Sreesanth is going to far, attacking the aussies is great, giving them shit balls to attack you back on is your problem. Even Nel knows that.

So Australia is winning the battle so far. India will re group though, Sreesanth will learn to curb himself, Singh will bowl some good spells and maybe even the batting line up will learn to bat with the old dudes.

Problem is for India. Australia are still not full strength, you don’t wanna get pantsed in your home country by anyone just after you win your first major piece of silverware since Dev’s mullet was cool. Especially since Hussey, Rick, Watson and Bracken haven’t been a presence here.

Dhoni may come out of this series ok, that isn’t his problem however. His problem is when he gets to Australia, down here we are vicious on touring captains, we have destroyed many a leader of cricket sides. And without McGrath and Warne we will be even more abusive, domineering and downright annoying to Dhoni.

Hopefully Dhoni is not next.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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