Most of the hits on my site are from Americans. So in the spirit of giving I decided to explain cricket players in ways the yanks could understand. The woman in Memphis who asked me what language Australians speak, after I had ordered a meal from her, inspired this blog.
Don Bradman is the greatest cricketer ever, think of Babe Ruth except actually athletic, not fat and about half babe’s height. Bradman statistically dominated batting so much so that if you average half as many runs as him you’re considered a champion. Also most famous for not achieving an average of 100 runs, falling 4 runs short, think Chris Webber’s time out.
Chris Gayle is like Kanye West, he’s super cool. And he has a few big hits.
Shane Watson is the Paris Hilton of cricket. He looks good in a photo shoot, he seems to have the basic skills needed to play the game, but at this stage is more famous for his body and who he sleeps with, rather than his skills as a cricketer.
Sourav Ganguly is evil, like Courtney Love (except with the sleeping with famous men to get ahead bit). You either love him, (if your Indian) or if you’re the rest of us you think he’s an overrated rich nancy boy who has ridden the coat tails of other much more talented cricketers (like Love).
Steve Waugh was an Australian champion, he could be compared to Tom Hanks. Played very safe, rather than testing himself, limited himself his natural flair so he could have a very consistent career. Yet still won some Oscars along the way.
Stephen Fleming reminds me of Noam Chomsky. Infinitely respected, obviously intelligent and always ahead of the game. Also a little nerdy, not for the mainstream, and ultimately loses out to the higher selling authors.
Shane Warne was not the most talented cricketer of all time, but he was damn close. Reminds me of Magic Johnson, had a certain air about him, no matter how man champions were out on the field it was Warne you were watching. And they both shared a liking for the ladies.
Andre Nel is Phil Spector, they are both insane.
Richie Benaud is the most important man in cricket. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. He may not be head of the ICC but he is the main who calls the real shots. Like Dick Cheney.
Jacques Kallis is the most boring cricketer on earth. That said he does have a place in the cricketer world and even though he bores you, he is doing it for the right reasons, just like Dr Phil.
Arjuna Ranatunga was like darth vader, he wasn’t the main bad dude, but he was the one everyone loved to hate, little did they know there was a sith lord named whatmore pulling the strings.
Inzamam ul haq was the chief from one flew over the cuckoo’s nest. Didn’t say much, you always assumed he was stupid, then one day he kills you and runs off.
Brett Lee is like shaq, they both think they can sing and both of them don’t do enough with their talent.
Michael Atherton was a Volvo, sure they keep you safe but who wants to drive one. Also watching Michael Atherton bat was like watching a Volvo drive. Yup, that boring.
