Tagged with aliens …

Jun 28 2009
general balls

The Aliens are coming in 2013; we pick an XI to meet them

According to this reliable source, the US Government is going to meet the aliens who are planning to reveal themsleves by landing in daylight at a well populated spot.

DARPA is the organisation in charge and they are going to send over a meet and greet of Earth’s finest people.

On the list so far are:

Steven Spielberg, Angelina Jolie, Madonna, Sir Paul McCartney, Barbra Streisand, Kylie Minogue, Stevie Wonder, Bob Dylan, Michael Jackson (because he is still alive), Tom Cruise and Stephen Hawkins.

Thisis a party I’d like to skip.

So we need to liven this shit up a bit, so I think we should send a playing XI over.

Now this is an important event, so these players have been picked carefully.

Sehwag: It is important that the God of Sehwagology meet the Alien Gods, to check the effect having Gods of various beliefs in the room at one time, and because his baldness will make them feel at home.

P Hughes: Aliens have clearly inspired his technique, so it would be nice if he could thank them personally.

K Sangakkara: The aliens will want to know what cool looks like.

J Ryder: What if they end up landing in some boring shit hole, you need someone to liven it up for them.

AB DeVilliers: He can serenade them with pseudo Christian songs.

S Afridi: No trip to earth is complete without meeting him.

DJ Sammy: They will fall in love with him on sight, they will have never seen a cranium so closely proportioned to their own.

P Jayawardene: It would be nice to show them the one keeper in world cricket that can catch.

G Swann: He can talk to them about his home planet of mars.

P Siddle: Everyone likes him, and so will the aliens, he can give them hugs with that ginormous man chest of his.

I Sharma: Since our medicine is still rudimentary, he can get the Alien medics to look at that throat lump of his.

Players who can’t go, as they will start an inter-planetary war:

H Singh, A Symonds, A Nel, J Anderson, J Kallis, M Hayden, R Ponting, A Redmond, S Broad.

Also Lalit Modi shouldn’t  be given access to them, I can’t see how that could help anyone.

Tagged
Feb 22 2008
Uncategorized

Yo Ricky, whats the down low bro?

Ricky Ponting is in the sort of form that would get you shot by Uday Hussein (unless he is playing against the Kiwis).

While the rest of you sit around moping about it (if you like him) or drinking champagne and praising Allah (if you don’t), I have come up with the 6 most likely reasons why he has lost form.

Theory A

Some man claiming to be Ricky Ponting has been pulling off the greatest non Cherie Blair scam in years.

We should have noticed by the fact he had more hair, but most of us assumed it was some Vain attempt by Ricky to look young.

This man, whose batting talent is questionable, seems to be about as good as a captain, and press operator as Punter was,

Theory B

If you remember the Halloween episode from the Simpsons where Homer gets Snakes hair, you may understand theory B.

Ricky has someone elses hair, and whoever it is has problems outside off stump, can’t run between wickets and is no longer worth a lot of money.

Problems outside off stump, Brad Hodge, running between wickets, Inzy, not worth a lot of money Ashwell Prince.

Theory C

According to a book I read recently, if you are abducted by aliens, they can insert themselves into your mind to find out what makes you tick.

They do not interfere with your life, but they do like to ask you why decided on orange juice instead of apple juice, why you bought a four wheel drive to drop the kids off at school and why you sodomized your neighbours dog.

Imagine batting with a team full of Aliens in your head.

Theory D

Perhaps on his last tour Rianna Ponting heard that Ricky was road testing the new weave with the ladies.

Some wives can be very narrow minded when it comes to their husbands sleeping with other girls. Even if he was just testing his hair.

If Ponting is sleeping on the couch, this could be affecting his form.

Theory E

Perhaps the ©rapness of his Vitamin ads has got to him.

I mean he is the Captain of the free world, and he’s in an ad that probably would look dodgy on Community television.

Must be a blow to his confidence, especially since he got his hair fixed just for the occasion.

Theory F

He is in sh1t form.

Doesn’t seem as likely as the others though does it.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
Tagged , ,
Nov 16 2007
Uncategorized

malinga vs predator

One over can sometimes show you everything you need to know about a test. Two overs can explain a series. Three overs can explain a generation. Four overs can explain the very meaning of life it self.

Five overs is a bloody long spell for Shoaib Ahktar.

Sorry I got lost there, I was trying to talk about a spell Malinga (alien) bowled to Hussey (predator).

Malinga bowled really well in the first session, he should have had Hayden LB, he got Jacques to get a bottom edge, and he beat the bat continually.

In the second session he dropped off, but he also didn’t have the new ball.

By the time the third session was around, the Lankans were drooping. The first session erectness had gone, the second sessions semi hardness was waning.

Malinga tried to do what good quicks do, he tried to re-establish some dominance by bowling short.

It all started with a ripping bouncer that Hussey tried to hook, instead he got a top edge that flew fine and safe. He followed that up with another bouncer that was neither well bowled nor scary.

Next ball though he was at it again. This time Hussey stood up and gangster slapped it forward of square for a boundary.

Malinga’s next over started with a full one. That obviously didn’t do anything for him, so he thought he ‘d pop in one more bouncer, and it was dispatched like a gay man at a Pentecostal church.

After that King Probot decided that Malinga needed to be taught a lesson, so he smote a couple more cover drives just to show who was boss.

In 7 balls he had 16 runs, and Mahela slung Malinga back towards the paddock.

Game over man, game over. (Bill Paxton impersonations encouraged).


Editors note: In no way am i saying Michael Hussey reflects a Predator, he is a boring probot, however if Futurama has taught us anything it is that even robots can get angry and vicious. Which is what Hussey did for the 7 balls he resembled a Predator. Thank you to John for pointing this out.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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