Tagged with alastair cook …

Jan 27 2009
general balls

Cook is up

The other day I wrote about how lucky Strauss had been to be the right man at the right time.

Put Alistair Cook in that basket at well.

He is England’s vice captain, even given his status as FEC it seems like a random decision.

He hasn’t made a century since 2007.

He seems to have no real personality at this stage.

Doesn’t seem to be able to catch.

To me Freddie is the automatic choice.

Cook is the future planning move, but if Strauss is injured or dropped, do we really think Cook will take over?

Strauss gets 3 years, and then the smooth move to Cook.

If everything goes well it all makes sense, if Cook can start making hundreds, and has a strategic cricket mind.

His career one day strike rate of 68 in one day cricket means that England’s hope of a universal captain may have to stay on the shelf.

And if Cook ever becomes a top notch 2020 player I will but out my anus and cook and eat it. Pun probably intended.

Good luck to Cook though, I bet we will see Strauss deferring to him during tense moments a lot.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We are that type of boot
Tagged
Oct 15 2008
Uncategorized

Cook some Moores, please

Peter Moores has let the bullshit of modern sport get to him.

I can’t blame him, it happens to everyone these days, and it happens to probotic coaches once they receive their first pay check.

It’s nothing to be ashamed of.

But when you claim that the Stanford game isn’t all about money, and you call it an ‘international’ you have lost your fucking mind.

It’s not an international, you aren’t playing a country, you are playing a sponsor.

It’s like if Australia played the Snap Crackle & Pop XI, sure you are representing your country, but you are only doing because some texas good old boy came up with the Benjamins.

Alistair Cook is right, and I don’t say that easily, this is all about the cash, because without the cash this wouldn’t exist.

Test cricket was around before the cash, and if shit came to shit, would probably be around after the cash.

But 2020, and Stanford are just cash.

Disposable assets.

Like eating McDonalds, it may feel good at the time you are eating that crap, but you know if 15 minutes you’re gonna be doing a McCrap and wishing you ate some real food.

I think Alistair Cook is a good batsman, but I wish he would make more centuries, when he said this

“The actual cricket is quite unimportant, apart from financially,”

It was his only century this season.

If Moores wants to say things like,

“It (the Stanford Super Series) is an event sanctioned by the ICC”

and keep a straight face, he can.

But in real cricket, we don’t call them events, we call them series, events are when BoyzIIMen play at your local shopping centre.

And do you know why they play at shopping centres, it’s not for the love of the music.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
Tagged ,
Aug 18 2008
Uncategorized

I’m back

The festival has drawn to a close and I am no longer in Wales or drunk.

But am tired and only have a little something for you.

This is my mate Stu doing his Alistair Cook impression.


Sorry to all the ladies, and men, who thought that this photo would be of Stu naked holding a bat.

He did do a photo like that, but this is a fucken family blog after all, and he was oly holding a mini bat, so it’s kinda creepy.

Oh and my google hits are down so, Alistair Cook naked, Alistair Cook nude, Alistair Cook has a better body than James Anderson (who’s body looks a bit like Mr Burns).

Also would like to point out that while I was in Wales, this blog kept running like a well oiled machine thanks to Miriam.

But republique cricket was at a stand still.

Fail?

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
Tagged
Aug 18 2008
general balls

Cricketers, Miriam Solves Your Problems

Today, I am answering letters from distressed cricketers, with compassion and kindness.

—————————————–

Dear Mims

I’ve had a rough few weeks. I’ve worked hard this year, laid off the pies, led my team to two limited-overs finals but lost them both.

I tried to keep my cool, not like last year when I got in an understandable strop and flung my bat across the boundary rope when some cheat claimed a grounded catch, but it hurts so much.

And, and, my team don’t get to play in the superleague thingy because of a few individuals ruining it for everyone.

I just want the chance to wear the lid of a trophy on my head again. How do I get through this painful episode?

From KeyMan of Kent

Dear KeyMan of Kent

Oh sweetheart. Perhaps you should go play in the next ICL. I mean, what can you possibly have to lose? Before that, though, please could you let me pinch your cheeks? I’ve wanted to do that for ages.

——————————————-

Dear Mims

I’ve just won a trophy with my county and am very excited.

However, a couple of people started saying that I wear eyeliner and mascara and now everyone is teasing me about it. It’s embarrassingly emasculating.

How do I bring my manliness back?

From FEC AC

Dear FEC AC

First, I’m not sure what you mean about bringing your manliness “back”.

Secondly, if you wear very dark brown instead of black, you’ll find it looks a lot more natural.

Very few people have the colouring to get away with jet black eye makeup. If you were Asian you might be able to, but then people would start describing you as “wristy” and you strike me as the sensitive sort who would take this the wrong way and think it was a masturbation joke.

—————————————-

Dear Mims

I was called up to play for the country of my birth, and it hasn’t quite been the dream that I’d had in my mind ever since that call up 48 hours before the match.

It all started with my kids trying to get me to decline it so that I could be eligible for Australia, although I think they were just cross at missing their trip to Alton Towers; I know I’m never going to get a call up for Australia because I don’t have an Australian passport.

I performed ok on debut, I thought. I mean, I never said I’d be Ajantha Mendis or anything.

But I now wonder whether I was a means to an end to ease out the captain, who I’ll be honest didn’t really seem to like me. I feel so used.

From Dandy Roofer

Dear Dandy Roofer

You can’t put a price on the cult status, though, and you can expect to have a sports facility in Grimsby named after you at some point.

—————————————

Dear Mims

I’ve just been promoted to a new position and I’m worried that some people don’t think my heart is really in it. They think that I don’t have the passion to lead a country that I adopted.

But I’ve got an England tattoo. I’ve married an English girl. I drink tea and warm beer. I now know to say barbecue instead of braai.

I’ve tried everything, right down to the No.1 haircut and flashy jewellery that my friends assured me would make me fit in on any British high street. What on earth can I do?

Captain Fantastic

Dear Captain Fantastic

Cry in public. Cry your face off, and then cry some more. People will then come up to you and hug you in the street.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
Tagged , , ,
Apr 12 2008
general balls

blatent attempt for more hits

The Backstreet Stuart Broad, I believe I can fly James Anderson and Mascara Alistair Cook are semi naked in this Cosmo photo shoot that you would hope they got paid alot of money for.

This is what the majority of my google hits are for, so here it is ladies, and select gentleman.

Never let it said I’m misogynistic again, as i have availed you ladies of thee three pubescent boys and William Shatner on many occasions.

Plus the lusty boy on boy action show between Lawson and Ahktar.

Cricket with Balls, for the straight ladies, and the gay men.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
Tagged , ,
Mar 07 2008
Uncategorized

the england foreplay method

The England are verging on a new breakthrough in batsmanship.

Ofcourse New Zealand invented it years ago, but no one really noticed.

Now the England are doing it consistently so its bound to fill column spaces from Lahore to another place with a dirty sounding name.

I call it foreplay batting.

It’s when a batsmen gets a good base, be it a flashy 30 or a well compiled 70 and then goes out just when the orgasm is on its way.

Ian Bell is the master of it.

The dude is a man man foreplay legend, just don’t look for the big bang.

Now Ian’s game is slowly rubbing off on his team mates.

Vaughn & Strauss have always flirted with foreplay, but now are full fledged members.

Collingwood is a probot, but he still likes his joints lubed, but not the full oil change.

KP seems to have forgotten about wanting to be the best batsmen in the world, now he wants to look moody and downtrodden, which means he is English now and ready for foreplay.

Alistair Cook looks like he doesn’t like foreplay, but in the spirit of the team is trying his best to change his game.

Better to fit in than be different.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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