Tagged with administracrats

test match tiddlywinks


Some times I wonder why cricket needs its Administracrats.

Surely a trained monkey (non racist monkey reference) with a crayon could make fewer errors.

But then they say something that makes me sit up and listen.

“Test cricket is what is being played, it is not tiddlywinks.”

Says head Cricket Australian Administracrat James “I was never much chop as a bowler” Sutherland.

Brilliant observation, tiddlywinks is an indoor game played with sets of small discs called “winks” lying on a surface, usually a flat mat. Players use a larger disc called a “squidger” to pop a wink into flight by pressing down on one side of the wink. The objective of the game is to cause the winks to land either on top of opponents’ winks, or ultimately inside a pot or cup.

The main point of difference I can see between cricket and Tiddlywinks is that it’s not played over 5 days.

The North American Tiddlywinks Association have hired slander experts to see if James Sutherland was attacking their great game by mentioning it in the same sentence as cricket.

However Rick(y) & Anil have played tiddlywinks before, it ended up in controversy at a hotel in Jamaica. Anil suggested Rick(y) had played an illegal flop womp move and accused him of not playing in the spirit of the winks. He demanded that the concierge come in and sort the mess out. Rick(y) got very defensive and suggested that his flop womp was not in question and smacked the concierge with a chair for questioning him about it, or any sneaky carnovsky plays from earlier in the game.

Hitting someone with a chair in Tiddlywinks is called a Boondock and gets you three squops.

A tremendous brouhaha ensued.

And for those who think I made up all these words and are questioning my integrity, visit Tiddlywinks wiki page if you don’t believe me.

Also, If you are questioning my integrity, then you should not be here, someone hand me a chair so I can smack you upside your head, you dirty integrity doubter.

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cricket administracrats and their current woe

There are two major issues resting in the hands of the ICC administracrats at the moment.

One is the fact Steve Bucknor and his complete loss of his facilities.

He cannot umpire another test match on current form.

If he umpires the next test and he gives ten dodgy decisions to India, it may restore the balance, but cricket is the loser.

The second is India’s possible boycott of the remainder of the tour.

If they do so they must be banned from international matches for a substantial period of time.

They are not the first team to lose a match because of bad umpiring, they are not the first team to lose a start player through suspension, and they are not the first team to get angry at Australia’s behaviour.

The fact that all three have happened at once is what would really p1ss you off.

But that is life, and that is cricket.

To merely say we aren’t happy we are going home is not what I thought the Indians would do.

They are lead by an absolute champion bowler, but more than that, he is one of the smartest cricketers to play the game.

Dravid and Tendulkar are also not stupid guys either.

Surely they see this as three separate issues, no one would really boycott a tour just based on the Harbhajan decision alone, would they?

Is the lack of a coach, white, black, brown or pink, starting to show.

Surely level heads must prevail here.

Harbhajan is entitled to appeal, and I think getting 3 games with no neutral evidence is a bit much, but if he really did say what he was found guilty of saying, he probably deserves at least 3 games.

If India boycott this tour, which I do not believe they would, the ICC either has to suspend them or disband as an organisation.

They can give back their gold rolexs and get real jobs.

Cricket can not afford to bow down to any country, Australia, India or Canada, the game is bigger than the team.

No doubt whatever decision the ICC makes will be diluted and will endeavour to make everyone feel warm and fuzzy.

Oh and I do hope the ICC don’t suspend Brad Hogg before he gets dropped.

Drop him first, then suspend him from one dayers.

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KFC ads


According to the badly dubbed KFC ads, the fried chicken restaurant is now the official restaurant of Cricket Australia.

I can see it now, James Sutherland and Malcolm Speed having an important meeting about marketing over a bucket of chicken, while a girl with braces, wipes up the floor underneath a woman with 4 chins and seven kids who is devouring a record number of fillers.

Must be heart breaking for Warney to find out that he kept playing he could have got free fried chicken when ever he wanted it, plus the phone numbers of a bunch of skanky milfs.

I wonder how Stuart MacGill goes taking a bottle of wolf blass into his local KFC.

What am I saying, where he lives they wouldn’t have KFC.

Langer must be upset though, with his 23 children he could have moved in to KFC and kept his family happy for life.

Hopefully someone feeds Sharma some chicken, that boy could do with a meal or two and some pubes.

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Why Ponting & Kumble should be suspended


Test cricket is paid for by us, the Punters.

Not Cricket administracrats.

Not Russian mafia.

Not Indian television companies.

Not Pepsi.

By us.

If we didn’t love cricket, Pepsi wouldn’t put money in, TV wouldn’t pay for the rights, and Cricket Administracrats wouldn’t fly around the world saying phrases written by publicity robots.

I’m not sure why I mentioned the mafia.

As a paying public, we should have a say in how the game is played, and I say it is played too fu©ken slow.

I’m not talking about runs per over, I’m talking about lazy a$$ teams in the field.

Over rates are getting worse.

The ICC don’t care, they impose no real sanctions other than taking a few stray dollars of captains once in a blue moon.

How many captains have been suspended?

I can sort of remember one, and that’s it.

Not good enough.

The over rates at the SCG for this test are horrible, I’m talking John Travolta in Look Who’s talking horrible.

I think Ponting, Kumble and Graeme Smith should be suspended for at least 2 tests each.

Ponting and Kumble for their bad over rates, Smith cause he’s a sh1t bloke.

Who is with me?

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Australia’s new touring guidelines

In the media, Australia is talking about not touring Pakistan, but behind ivory doors (made of Ivory caught by white men in Africa) they are apparently looking at changing the criteria’s Australia uses when touring any country.

Luckily I have a mole on the inside.

I just received this letter under my hotel room door, which is spooky, cause I’m not staying in a hotel.

Hi Cricket With Balls,

You may not remember me, I’m the faceless corporate cricket official, we met at a Cricket Australia event, it was the Duck and Dom Pérignon night at the Melbourne Club.

I’m a big fan of your site, I find it very liberating compared to the normal staid proper cricket sites, plus I like talking about balls.

Anyhoo, in the spirit of helping out all forms of media, I thought I’d give you the latest information straight from Cricket Australia’s Waugh room.

Cricket Australia has decided to only tour countries in the future that live up to the socio economical and free democratic world that Australia is fighting for.

Australia’s new touring guidelines

Bangladesh – We will only play them when the find bowlers capable of taking 5 wickets a test, and if they join the coalition of the willing.

England – No matter how many bombs blow up there or how stinky they continue to be, we shall fight them on the pitches for now and for every, great chaps they are.

India – Happy to tour there if Navjot Sidhu is locked up, if they join the coalition of the willing and when they successfully die the colour of their skin to something more acceptable.

New Zealand – Due to recent developments, games against NZ will be down graded to first class games, but if they continue to let refugees run free, we may play all first class games against them at home for safety reasons.

Pakistan – All tours are cancelled until they find they accept Jesus as their savior, or either George Bush.

South Africa – We will continue to tour there, but we would prefer the land was given back top its rightful owners, White Diamond merchants and British aristocrats.

Sri Lanka – We refuse to tour while the Sri Lankan government supports chuckers.

West Indies – Too many poor black people live there, they scare us.

Cheers and best wishes to you and all of the people you care for in the silly season,

FCCO

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