Tagged with adam gilchrist …

Feb 26 2008
general balls

OBO of Allan Border Medal

Night starts off bad, as father and I have to convince mother to watch some crappy reality show in another room.

Mark Nicholas starts with a message about Rianna Ponting’s bun in the oven. Strangely no Michael Slater jokes. But Mark Nicholas does look radiant.

Gilly tributes start early with Ponting and Nicholas eager to out do each other.

Channel nine changes tact and puts in a quick quiz to the players on what the ten modes of dismissal are, I got nine, bloody hitting the ball twice got me.

Sri Lanka test series highlights forget to mention King Kumar’s innings, I get the feeling this is not going to be a night about cricket, but just about Channel 9 and Australian cricket.

India test series highlights had only the slightest bastard monkey references.

Sri Lanka series is so not important that no one bothers to read them out, India series is so important Mark Taylor’s expert oral skills and brought out.

The test player of the year (in a year of 6 home tests) is Brett Lee. Brad Hogg very unlucky to miss out.

Blonde Bimbo count is high, people sucking up to Gilly much higher.

Amazing that Mark Nicholas can still stand and talk, all the blood is rushing to his trousers at the moment.

They pretend to talk about cricket ads, but instead get some great plugs for Valvoline and Ford into the show. Bet that’s cheaper than the superbowl ads.

Roy gets interviewed and is still the funniest Australian cricketer, but that’s like being the sexiest Spice girl.

Roy And HG (not theAndrew Symonds Roy) give us some comedy. They get off to a slow start, but there are enough jokes in there, and they give a retrospective AB medal to John Glesson the one fingered mysterious bowler.

Channel 9 gave Kerry Packer and Tony Greig a tribute in the guise of World Series cricket. Max Walker and Len Pascoe come out well.

More Gilly sucking up, he gets on stage and even he seems to think it’s too much. Then Richie trots out to give him an empty wine bottle for being so good. It is encrusted not with jewels but with the Channel 9 logo. Would get upwards of 50 bucks on ebay.

An hour into the coverage and we have looked at 6 tests.

Australia’s one day losses to England and New Zealand are glossed over expertly, with world cup games against Scotland given more coverage.

Luke Pomersbach gets Bradman young player of the year award, he looks soberish.

Lisa Sthalekar got female player of the year award for the second year running. Heard her speak recently, she speaks very very well, much better than pretty much any male player. Also I feel she is rather attractive. Wonder if she is gay or taken.

Ashley Matrix got state player of the year. Only a nut job could argue anyone else has had a better year, that nut job being my father mentioning David Hussey.

The rogue traders took to the stage. We filmed them 2 weeks ago as they played a gig to 30 people. Now they’re playing to a couple of million punters, and they still suck.

Quick segment on the bollywood cricket film. I have heard the director talk about it, and the film doesn’t sound like its going to be good, but I could be biased cause I think most Bollywood films are sh1t. And most Australian films for that matter.

Being that this is shown live on Fox Sports Brendan Julian and his 4oo dollar hair cut get a run on the main stage.

Fast major controversy as Matt Hayden wins one day player of the year and kisses Gilly’s wife. Still no Slater jokes.

I stand by my pre world cup comments, that Hayden is just not a good one day player and shouldn’t be in the side. I think this last year has vindicated that call.

George Giffen was promoted to the hall of fame, he used to kill Victoria, so we hate him.

Ian Healy was also put in, he received some sort of sh1t stained wooden trophy.

Mark Nicholas takes 3 minutes out of our lives to explain how the Allan Border medal voting system works, just hand it out already.

And the winner is Brett Lee.

Fair effort for someone who missed a butt load of one dayers.

The real winner is Mitchell Johnson, his girl is extraordinary.

Mark Nicholas finishes the night with one last lick at the anal passage of Australian Cricket.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
Tagged , , , , , , ,
Feb 18 2008
Uncategorized

Exit stage left

Has the Gilly retirement tour gone on a bit long?

I love Gilly, you can read about here, here, here, here or practically anywhere on my blog for proof.

But this is gone on long enough.

He has now played at all the relevant Australian cricket grounds, and Radelaide oval, on his retirement tour.

So he has said goodbye to everyone in Australia.

He danced for his home crowd, and waived goodbye to everyone else.

Now what?

He has a possible broken thumb, an understudy who is sitting around twiddling his unbroken thumbs and another 4 or 5 games left to continue his royal saluting to everyone.

As any fan of musicians or boxers will tell you, retirements often go awry.

Usually by the intended coming back, or by extended tours that seem to go on and on and on, until your glad they are retiring.

Gilly hasn’t quite gone that far yet, but Haddin must be feeling a bit like the dude sitting around waiting for his chicks husband to die before he makes the relationship public.

And we all know how that feels.

If Gilly does have a broken thumb, surely he has better things to do with it than play in the Kerry Packer memorial tournament.

I’m all for a player getting a final chance to salute his home crowd, I’m even for a champion player getting to say goodbye to a few places, but a potential 11 game goodbye series is getting a bit much.

What will players start doing, announcing they will retire in 3 years time, so that for the last 3 years Mark Nicholas can suck at the dirt between their toes.

What about the next Lara or Tendulkar, one they are crowned king of the cricket universe can they say I will retire in 12 years time, so you better start worshipping me now.

He is obviously not the only one who has done this, Glenn McGrath did the same thing, but that was to win one more world cup, and ensure South Africa didn’t win one world cup.

That was a noble pursuit, but winning a three way competition that he usually asks be to rested during isn’t really the same thing.

You are a champion Gilly, but perhaps it is time to let the Understudy up on stage, so I can bag him.

Gilly you have done everything in your career, holding up a trophy that means less to us than a drawn test match is useless.

Go be with your family, we’ll soldier on without you.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
Tagged , ,
Feb 15 2008
general balls

Gilly’s waltz

Adam Gilchrist decided to save one last dance for Perth.

A gentlemanly hundred.

It was a romantic gesture, but it would have been nicer if the game was on Valentines day.

Interestingly enough while Gilly usually tries to do the mash potato, this time he went with a waltz.

Gilly is such a super guy, he wanted this one to last, you know, one last jaunt around the dance hall for old times sake.

He even got the DJ, Clarke, to put on some slow music, so it would last all night.

Unfortunately Gilly did what he has done all too often in his career, he made all the other men look like dodgy dancers.

Hayden had two left feet.

Punter was dancing to the wrong tune.

Roy decided to spend time at the bar.

And Hussey danced the Perth two step, but he never really got the rhythm of it.

Gilly however twirled around with a grace usually reserved for Ballerinas or Muhammad Ali.

Gilly has danced, longer, faster, sexier and better many a time before, but this one had a certain sumthin sumthin.

When the Sri Lankans hit the floor, only the King Kumar danced anywhere near as good, but he ran out of partners.

Happens to the best of us.

Anything Gilly does from here on in is gravy.

He can stumble, stand on feet, dance to the wrong song, or anything else, but his hometown crowd will remember this dance for a long time.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
Tagged
Jan 31 2008
Uncategorized

Gilly

This is my 6th attempt at writing about Gilly’s retirement.

There were some good ones and some sh1t ones in there, but none of them felt right.

But in the spirit of Gilly, I though fu©k it, just swing away.

Gilly batted like all of us wished we could. With power and without fear.

On the ground he was like a Spartan, dispatching mere mortals and inspiring fables the world over.

The balls it takes to bat like Gilly even once in a test match is pretty big, but to do it for a whole career and be successful is obscene.

The man had a set of balls that could sink a battleship and he batted in a way that would have given Lucifer an erection.

Do you know how hard it is to be thought of as cool, when you have a 10 year olds hair cut, ears 4 sizes too big and a nice guy demeanour, but not much about Gilly made sense.

While others were tentative, he threw his bat at the ball like it was a cheating wife in the suburbs, ok bad example, but you get my point.

It was almost as if the ball was the enemy, and the bowler was just another faceless drone delivering it to him.

When the best were good, they could trouble him, Akram and Freddy especially, but when he stood up to them, they looked meek in comparison.

He made cricket a game where batsmen were the aggressors and bowlers were abused.

With gloves on he became mortal again, but with the bat in hand he was Muhammad Ali, he was Lee Marvin and he was as brutal as many man before him, and probably any man to follow.

Calling him a great of the game is almost understating it, he not only played the game, he changed the game, and not too many people end up with that on their headstone.

Thanks Gilly, for the cricket and everything else.

Cricket is a better looking lass for having danced with you.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
Tagged
Jan 31 2008
Uncategorized

gilly from around the globe

Cricket Bloggers and their readers are obviously more intelligent and attractive than other people.

So who better to reflect on the career of the Great Gilly.

Sportsfreak gives us a Kiwi perspective on the great man, which means he was all but Jesus, until he walked.

“Perhaps having Mother Theresa behind the stumps was the best sledge of them all.”

Kingcricket gives us the English perspective on what Gilly did to the minds of the Poms.

“The English were already prone to elevating the Australians to the status of demigods at this time, but now they had to find a higher pedestal.”

Cricketfizz tell us about one time Gilly actually lost, obviously it wasn’t on the pitch.

“I had to help a journalist friend of mine in conducting a poll on the favourite cricket player to kids within the age group of 8-16. 40,000 votes across various schools, playgrounds all over India and the result was Adam Gilchrist coming in a very close second, loosing by less than 0.5 percent to Sachin Tendulkar”

Cow Corner talked about the effect he wielded over wicket keeping selections.

“Adam Gilchrist has ensured one lasting change in international cricket: the wicket-keeper can no longer be a just a useful batsman and an irritant for the opposition.”

Republique cricket got all Will Smith on him.

“Bye bye big ears. It’s been a blast.”

Eye on Cricket likes him because he beat Pakistan all but on his own.

“I developed an instant liking for Gilly, as I would any cricketer that could snatch a Pakistani victory away from them”

Miss Field loves him.

“I hope he doesn’t think he’s not retiring at the top of his game, because he’s a champion, and we all love him.”

My two cents puts it short but sweet.

“It couldn’t have happened to a nicer man.”


The Cricket Watchers Journal likes the fact Gilly made wicket keepers more important.

“Thanks Gilly…you made ‘keepers respectable members of a cricket team.”

I have written a post too, but so far all it says is thanks Gilly, but once i said this.

“People spend the whole lives afraid of making mistakes, but gilly has inspired me to f*ck that sh*t, grow some test1cles, and swing away.”

& this

“These days sports people play sport like they’re guarding their share portfolio, so watching Gilly flail the bat around like a junkie swatting away imaginary flying monkeys is f*cking outstanding.”

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
Tagged ,
Jan 30 2008
general balls

google $ex with evil dragons

I had a discussion with a very intelligent cricket fan the other day, and she, (yes she you misogynist pig), is a really good sheila, the sort of chick you could have a bevy with whilst pretending to look into her eyes.

We were talking about google, and the sort of things people type into the search engine to find my site.

You see I like talking about myself, because it’s the only thing I’m almost an expert on.

I was telling this lass about the amount of times that women, (I’m assuming), type in things like

“aiden blizzard” + girlfriend (fair enough, according to some he’s dreamy)
david hussey girlfriend cricket (interesting choice)
adam voges girlfriend (big helmets are all the rage this year)
cameron white cricket girlfriend (the vics are popular)
mitchell johnson girlfriend cricket (labret piercing are hot)

It’s quite disturbing.

I think the looking falls into two categories.

Girls looking for trophy boyfriends.

Or girls trying to work out if the dude is single since she is shagging him, or on the verge of shagging.

There isn’t a young Australian domestic cricketer who hasn’t been googled with the word girlfriend next to his name.

Is this how the gold diggers work now, they google their potential sap.

These poor boys won’t know how to stop the buxom fake blonde from knowing everything about them and manufacturing their accidental meeting.

You have to feel sorry for the lads, as we all know cricketers hate peroxide and fake boobies.

I think we should stand up for the lads and put a stop to it nowt, if you ladies want a trophy man, either shag me or move on, I aint a fu©ken dating site for the young and the vacuous.

Glad that is cleared up, but people write lots of weird sh1t to get to this site.

Here are some of my favourites.

michael slater slept with adam gilchrist’s wife (oops)
shane watson nude (his new career)
“matthew hayden” christian hypocrite (suave is that you)
paper into * cleavage” (no idea)
afridi underwear lines (hmmm)
are indian balls big (are they)
couple having $ex in grand stand at the cricket (my dream)
cricketer underwear (see below)
cricketer’s underwear (see below)
cricketers caught naked (see below)
cricketers on underwear (do they snort it)
don bradman pissed his pants in cricket (my personal fav)
does trevor like his balls (who knows)
fu©kwit peter roebuck (was only written once)
graeme smith cricket in love with woman (but she thinks he is an ass clown)
how to write article on cricket (wrong site for that)
if i only had a mustache (or pubes)
indian cricketers in an underwear (hinglish porn search)
mark nicholas sycophant (uhum)
michael hussey womaniser? (doubtful)
michael slater coke (not pepsi)
michael slater gilly wife sleep (wife swap)
michael slater is adam gilchrist’s child’s father controversy (not funny)
no ball underwear (over stepping)
perving at the cricket (also known as tony greiging)
rick ponting ©unt (sounds better with a y)
ricky ponting in underwear (nice)
sex with evil dragons (cricket with balls we have sex with evil dragons)
stuart macgill gay voice (more snooty than gay)
underwear of ricky ponting (y fronts)
cricket with balls probot (I’m famous ma)

Oh and Cindy Nel gets the 2nd most hits for a female on here.

Jacques Kallis not so much.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
Tagged , , , , , ,
Jan 28 2008
Uncategorized

Australia destroy India with Crushing Draw

…
Spectators at the Radelaide Oval said they had never seen such a brutal draw in all the tests they had visited.

India were confused at Australia playing for a draw, but they decided to go with it as they are comfortable with draws.

Ian Chappell was heard to say it was one of the best draws the great Les Burdett has cultivated in his time at the Radelaide Oval.

He said it reminded him of a first class game where the great Les Favell drew a game against Victoria.

Anil Kumble said he was happy with the spirit that Ganguly didn’t walk with.

Ponting was quite impressed with how Michael Clarke positioned himself at slip.

Gilly went out of his way not to mention Michael Slater in any press conference.

Sehwag didn’t say anything to the media in case he would get dropped for another few tests.

Matthew Hayden thanked jesus for Gilly, Mark Nicholas prostrated himself in front of Gilly like he was Jesus.

And Bill Lawry left quietly with something flapping in his suit case.

Ps, Shane Watson has been promoted to the role of wicketkeeper for Queensland for the rest of the year. Sime was heard to say,

“Lets be honest, he’s a surefire selection now.”

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
Tagged , , , , , , , , ,
Jan 24 2008
Uncategorized

Is gilly a goner?

According to Rodney Hogg, Gilly can leave the game when ever he wants to.

I have never ever believed ©rap like that.

Champion players should get more leeway than other plays, no doubt, but the side is always more important than the player.

Right now Gilly is struggling for form with the bat.

But his career record is not great against India, but people think he bats well against them because of one knock.

Sure it was the sort of knock you’d watch instead of having $ex with Russian twins, but it was still only one knock.

India is the only side he averages less than 40 against.

He just made a match winning score in the world cup final, all be it with the aide of a little black ball, so his form is not Shane Watson bad.

It’s his form with the gloves that is most troubling.

He is dropping catches and missing stumpings.

That’s less than good. Bert Oldfield is turning over in his grave, but maintaining his soft hands.

Mind you he has never been a superstar keeper, I cringe when people refer to him as a great keeper.

As an allrounder he is a better keeper than say Jacques Kallis is a bowler, but his keeping is not of Garfield Sobers bowling level. If that makes sense.

Boucher and Gilchrist may be the premier wicket keepers in the world, but they don’t really rate against even the most recent generation of wicket keepers like Khan, Healy, Russell, and Richardson.

Gilchrist may have changed the world of cricket for ever.

Positively, by batting in a manner that has inspired all teams to score quickly and take on attacks.

Negatively, by ensuring all test teams have batsmen who wear gloves.

Right now Australia is not in a position to allow the selection of a keeper who regularly misses chances.

I’m not saying we drop him straight away, but surely the selectors must make him aware that getting 20 wickets for the new team is not as easy as it used to be. So he either starts taking the chances or he starts posing for a sculptor.

After all he is older than Bryce McGain, who is older than Jesus, so retirement is not the worst thing that can happen to him.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
Tagged
Jan 18 2008
Uncategorized

It’s ponting or india

There are two possible outcomes to this test match.

Either Ponting plays the innings of his life and India lose.

Or India get Ponting out and they win.

There is no other player in the Australian batting line up who can make the runs required to win them the game.

Sure I could be wrong, but I doubt it.

King Probot Hussey is in scratchy form. He is not batting bad, but he has definitely lost that sense of invincibility from before. I sense a Jimmy Adams come down in his future.

Michael Clarke is a teddy bear, and I cannot see him handling the pressure of a 400 run chase well. If he does, I will stand and applaud, because he is doing it from the weakest form in the side.

Big Roy is seeing them well, mind you he has had more luck than Homer Simpson. I would doubt if he could contribute more than a stylish 70 in a chase like this. If he did make a big score, would make the chase one hell of a spectacle.

Gilly is a legend, but he is not the Gilly of Hobart 99. He is just a mere mortal who dabbles with spectacular deeds now, and with Kumble probing at him, I just can’t see him making the bulk of these runs.

Brett Lee is a bowler who bats, not an all rounder, Johnson can hold a bat, Clark bats like a tail ender should and Tait deserves his spot at 11.

It’s Ponting or bust.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
Tagged , , , , , ,
Dec 26 2007
general balls

Boxing Day Test #1

It was a very interesting opening day of the Boxing Day Test at Uncle J-Rod’s ‘G.

At days conclusion I would have to say the visiting team took the honours………something very rare indeed. With a day with the bat to come, up against Australia’s weakest displine – bowling – , India may continue to hold the whip hand.

Australia had the fortune of winning the toss on what looked to be a good batting wicket. In typical fashion the openers were pro-active from the start, with large slices of luck mind you, but who dares wins. Khan and Singh were getting plenty of good swing early on. The turning point for me came after an hour or so, around the time the ball got a little softer and the swing began to disappear. The openers weathered the early storm and I felt the above mentioned opening bowlers began to panic slighly and bowled miles to full from then on. Things were looking very ominous………we’ve all seen it many times over for years now. The whole series was on the line.

Enter Anil Kumble. He’s been around for ever, but this time he is captain. In a single afternoon, when the heat was well and truely on, he responded. Showing all his guile and skill Kumble changed the face of the game taking five wickets and playing a huge hand in restricting Australia to 9/337 come stumps. A far cry from o/134 when he coaxed Jacques fataly out of his ground for a well made, yet at times, crab like 66.

Kumble rose to the occasion and bowled a captains spell, leading by example with the ball, inspiring his side. He is to be commended for a bold showing.

The same can’t be said about Michael Clarke and Adam Gilchrist. Clarke, a very high profile personality, had a golden opportunity to perform on the big stage, when Australia needed him most and push forward his claims to one day ascend to the captaincy………something that, up until now has just been paper talk.

Well, unlike Kumble, he failed spectacularly, making a very scratchy and nervous looking 20. Gilchrist too, had a big opportunity, but like many other times he played a reckless shot to Kumble and was out for 23. For all the praise heaped on Gilchrist as well as his inglorious headline grabbing sessions, I am disappointed he doesn’t stand up more often than he does in Test match situations with the bat.

Matthew Hayden deserves praise for his magnficient innings saving effort, which has recieved less than it’s far share in this column, but regular readers will be aware of how highly I rate Hayden and his contributions to the side.

Day 2 promises to be very interesting…….

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
Tagged , , , , , ,
← Older posts
Newer posts →
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 9,031 other followers