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Apparently Shane Warne has retired.
So the Australian team needs to find some spinners capable of taking wickets in Pakistan and India.
Let’s look at the list of contracted and uncontracted spinners.
Contracted
Stuart “Lord Stuey” MacGill the enfant terrible of the private school leg spinning set.
Currently injured and more interested in filming odd ads about wine, but is married to a hot chick.
Has over 200 wickets, but has bad knees and is late 30’s.
May play again, but it looks doubtful, and even if he does he has worse knees than my grandma, and hers are fake.
Brad “the tongue” Hogg is the part time bowler who accidentally became a test match spinner.
Was once a postman, still bowls like one, and is a very effective weapon in one day cricket, but is just not a test cricketer.
People say he is a nice bloke, but I don’t think that is helping him take wickets in test match cricket.
His bowling average of 50 is not gonna help keep him in the big time.
Dan “sleeves” Cullen took 40 wickets one year for the redbacks.
Since then he would be lucky to have taken 40 combined.
Has played one test against Bangladesh, and has a very annoying habit of scrunching his sleeves up before every fu©king delivery.
Was relegated to 12th man for the redbacks last game.
No where near the level needed to be playing for Australia.
Cullen “the other guy” Bailey is the saviour of leg spinning.
So at the moment he is being crucified by not playing.
Right at the moment he is the highest paid club cricketer in the land.
Hasn’t been picked for first class cricket in 4 months.
Not even his father the preacher can save him now.
Uncontracted
Cricket With Balls Own Nice Bryce McGain is the pin up athlete for the blue rinse brigrade.
Sure he is slightly older than the usual debutant (cough57cough), but he does this weird thing, he gets wickets.
If he wore a lighter shade of blue he’d probably be playing right now, or perhaps the selectors don’t like Hugh Grant films.
He is the best spinner in Australia at the moment.
Unless my plan to reanimate the corpse of Tiger Bill O’Reilly has been successful.
Aaron “Billy” Heal is the child of a bastard union between Billy Bowden and MSquiggle
Ok, he can’t get a game for his state, but he did bowl very well when against Sri Lanka in a tour game.
That’s not the greatest wrap for him, but he does look like a bowler, and if he played on a wicket that helped spinners we may actually know how good he could be.
In the one day and 2020 comps he has bowled really well, and Sime likes him and Sime doesn’t like anyone with fewer than 250 test wickets.
Jason “who” Krejza is some guy who plays cricket i suppose.
He is the leading finger spinner statiscally at the moment.
Thats like being the tallest dwarf though.
His greatest asset is the fact he can bat, probably too well, as he plays quite often as a part time spinner and full time number 8.
He has wickets though, so that is something.
The Skinny
McGain has taken 24 wickets at 33.
Hogg 20 wickets at 40.
Krejza 13 wickets at 35.
Cullen 11 wickets at 50.
And Bailey, Heal, and Stuey aren’t really worth mentioning.
Australia’s spinning stable hasn’t been this ugly since Terry Jenner went to the big house.
