Australia pick up a random player from bus stop, Michael Beer picked for the WACA

Having run out of cricketers in shield cricket due to injury, T20 contracts and general uselessness, Cricket Australia has made a shock decision to pick a player from a local bus shelter in Perth.

Michael Beer is this lucky man’s name.

Beer, 26, a tall blonde chap formerly of the Democratic Republic of Victoria, was waiting for the number 87 bus to go down to the beach when Greg Chappell was driving by.

Chappell, an amazing judge of cricketers, saw something in Beer as he was tapping on his legs waiting for the bus to arrive.

Those seconds of tapping were enough to show Chappell that Beer could be the spinner that Australia have been waiting for.

Chappell said, “You can tell a great spinner by his fingers, it doesn’t matter if he is bowling or not, it’s just a case of looking at them and feeling that they have the magic in them. Beer’s fingers certainly felt magical to me”.

It was only later on that the Australian selectors actually found out that Beer was actually playing shield cricket.  Chappell apparently saw this as a sign that his eye was keener than most, but Beer had been wearing his full Warriors kit when at the bus stop.

When presented with the fact that Beer had played 5 first class games, taken 16 wickets at an average of 39, Chappell said, “so, this isn’t the matrix, numbers mean nothing, my eyes are the one”.

Later on Andrew Hilditch was informed of the selection, “Look, I didn’t have that much to do with this selection, but Matthew Beer is an exciting prospect, Warnie told me about him, and Warnie is not known to talk up players from his former clubs”.

Nathan Hauritz’s shoelaces have been taken off him as a precaution.

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33 thoughts on “Australia pick up a random player from bus stop, Michael Beer picked for the WACA

  1. Rishabh says:

    Good to see that you didn’t go down the pun route like us mortals.

  2. Chris says:

    What a joke

  3. steve says:

    Beer – fucking unbelievable. Just cos Warnie said.

    Is this some sort of twisted revenge on Warne’s part for not being made captain all those years ago, for not being worhsipped enough when still playing – to now screw up every potential spinner in the country so that his own star will always shine brighter?

  4. warlock says:

    Ever since Warne retired, scratching yourself dextrously while walking past a selector could see you spinning for Australia.

    Just some of the names we’ve seen on field have been Krejza, Dan Cullen, Cullen Bailey, Hauritz, White, Doherty, Pauline Hanson and Murray the Croc.

    And now Michael Beer. To be fair, trapped inside the body of a Shield journeyman there might be a Bishan Bedi struggling to get out. Just like there might be a prim and proper cricket scribe struggling to get out of Jrod.

  5. I’m already punting on the spinner to be picked for the 4th test….O’Keefe better be waiting by the phone….

  6. Brad Hodge says:

    Beer is no Jon Holland

  7. Pete says:

    they’ll probably pick Michael Hill for the boxing day test :/

  8. martin says:

    I gather that if this selection doesnt work Ricky and greg Chappell have hit on a plan B for the Melbourne and Sydney tests. He has instructed Cricket Australia to work in tandem with VB, and Special Prize scratch cards will be handed out with every purchase. Ten lucky winners will find themselves donning the Baggy green on Boxing day morning at the MCG and will get the chance to play in the Ashes for Australia. In addition 50 runners up will receive copies of Sir Geoffrey Boycott’s new self help book called: “The Unbearable Lightness of Being from Yorkshire”, featuring a foreword by his holiness the Pope and a dirty limerick from the Dalai Lama.
    If this doesnt improve the fortunes of the team, Cricket Australia will employ a “bring your boots and maybe get a game” policy for Sydney, where the first ten to turn up get to play.

  9. Adrian says:

    Fuck I’ve had it with these selectors. Cunts. Just stupid, stupid cunts.

  10. Bharath says:

    Just a thought though, why don t australia just stick with 4 quicks and get clarke to do a part timer’s job? Moreover, just like in the late 80′s, I think they ll be well served with a compact unit that s told “right-o boys, you guys get 20 tests… feel free to play” where by no one is insecure and people can play with freedom. The only difference I feel between now and then is that the Australian team of yore was cocky, arrogant and confident. They had no fear. A typical example would be Hussey. He d walk in and flay the bowling as if there was no tomorrow, these days there s a lot more caution about him. Sure, they might lose a few matches trying to be gung ho but the point is cricket isn t about the Ashes, especially for Australia. They need to be prepared to lose a few along the way to be able to eventually regain their crown… Looking forward to it!

  11. Bottom Edge says:

    Really, Cricket Australia? I mean really? Even the BBC put this on their front page it’s such an improbable story.

    Your quip about Hauritz’s shoelaces is comedy gold, though.

  12. Jrod, Australia is bringing in raw recruits but young they are not. 28 and 26 isn’t young – if you hadn’t got into the India team by then you never would. Can you explain where the 21 year olds are or where the 25 years olds are who have five years 1st class experience?

  13. golandaaz says:

    looks like the only real qualification you need to get picked up to spin the ball for a test match for australia is to NOT be Nathan Hauritz.

  14. Shaitaan says:

    C’mon, not even one Beer pun? Not even ‘Australia Scrape the Bottom of the Barrel’?

  15. Matt says:

    Dodgy beer reference, am currently enjoying a beer and couldn’t help myself
    After a yard of best organic ale, g. Chappell considered his general uselessness to the game post his playing career. He reminisced about those great days when he donned the baggy Terry toweling, fondly recalling the great ashes plane flight, drinking sessions of yore. The conclusion he reached was that tho beer was just a passenger it did seem to precede a fountain of comedy gold, ( plus the odd golden shower) good morale and the chalking up of ashes wins. Ergo this powerful symbolic selection.

  16. Deep Cower says:

    Y’all are gonna look real stupid when Beer hauls in a whole bunch of wickets.

  17. Suprise says:

    Surprised Boonie wanted beer.

  18. Suprise says:

    DC, a whole bunch of wickets? FFS man it’s a six pack, a carton or a slab of wickets.

  19. Deep Cower says:

    @ Suprise, haha. Seriously though, cricket’s the only game where one word is used to mean a human being, a piece of land, or a bunch of sticks.

  20. Sunny says:

    i think kanye got it right in his new track: this shit is fucken ridiculous.

  21. Sunny says:

    @jrod – how are the leg breaks coming along? i reckon its brilliant timing you are in oz right now. with the selectors ready to pick anyone who can roll the arm over..you might just be in for boxing day.

  22. hi says:

    There are some good spinners in the subcontinent that Aus selectors can use. Some serious leg spinners too. South africa is close to using one (tahir)

  23. Phred says:

    I second Adrian’s point.

    Look at this: “National coach Tim Nielsen pointedly decided not to send Mitchell Johnson back to state cricket when he was dropped after the first Ashes Test, because he said the gulf between it and Tests was so large that any results achieved were distorted.”

    Yeah, like Mitch is a “gulf” away from Shield cricket right now.

    And we’re back in the “Peter Who” selection style. Mind you, Peter performed well.

  24. Wes ~PFCNFS~ says:

    Ritz will be back for Sydney…. no? I’m out of ideas as to where the ship is heading at the moment. Smith in, good. Hughes, ah well, inevitable. Mitch… obviously in the hope for a Jack-in-the-box effect. North only dropped after he had been allowed to take his sweet time to ruin the team (among others).

  25. knowledge_eater says:

    Gregg ‘Salt’ Angelina Chappel Jolie struck again. haahhaha Damn this internet, I am missing on all action. Poor Hauritz

    My Cliche

    “Picking Beer is like telling people to drink more beer since Oz Doctors are running out of Acute Pancreatitis and Cirrhosis patients, so current HMO of Australia have shown concern that do something so we can have enough patients, so we train best Liver specialist in the world, therefore “THE BEER” Chug chug chuggggg Hureeeeyyyyyyy

  26. Chris says:

    Beer’s fingers certainly felt magical to me

    Well I certainly hope that Greg Chappell receives some fulfilling fulfillment from those fingers. If Beer’s selection fills a hole, it will probably be Chappell’s rather than any in the Australian team.

    Rumour has it that Mitchell Johnson has got back in form by bowling at a sponsorship contract. He hit the mark every time.

  27. Chris says:

    Peter Taylor had only played four shield games and had 8 wickets when he was picked, so I think the selection of Michael Beer is waaaaaaay overdue. He’s actually overqualified for the job.

    Greg Chappell has an eye for cricketers who have one or two good games in them before they are discarded for life. He is the Dracula of Australian cricket.

  28. So what, you’ve picked the INXS bass guitarist, whats the big deal?

    Stop bleating and get over it!

  29. [...] cricket with balls Australia pick up a random player from bus stop, Michael Beer picked for the WACA… Quote: [...]

  30. The Pav says:

    Wrong again JROD

    Victoria is neither a republic nor a democracy.

    Its a Collingwoodocracy!!!!!!!!!!

    or perhaps

    Eddieland

  31. Matt says:

    Bollinger sent North – Beer selected for festive season

  32. [...] this out. Excellent piece. cricket with balls Reply With Quote + Reply to [...]

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