It is easy to be negative. And fun.
But we should also continue to look for the positives in the latest accusations in world cricket.
That positive is Ijaz Butt.
Not happy with ruining everything in Pakistani cricket he has ever touched, he is now taking the most grown up stance in world cricket by saying, “we aren’t cheaters, you are cheaters, you’ve always hated us, your mum is fat”.
This kind of complete crazy bullshit nonsense could be used to make money.
And the PCB needs money.
So I’ve come up with a few ways that they can cash in on this amazing man.
Are you crazier than Ijaz Butt?
A game show where people are questioned on a number of high profile incidents or events, Princess Di and Tupac deaths, World Trade Centre, global warming, Aids and Justin Bieber. The person adjudged craziest from each week will be compared to Ijaz Butt’s answers on the same issues. To win a pile of cash you have to be voted crazier than Butt. The show is fixed though, as no one can be crazier than him.
Ijaz Butt – unplugged
A series of live Ijaz Butt stand up comedy routines edited into a best of DVD. Hear Ijaz Butt claim that the low crowd attendances are because of the English media, watch him mime Afridi putting a ball in his mouth, laugh as he asks, “what is the deal with Shoaib Ahktar?” His show stopper is a 20 minute smut filled monologue on how the CIA is bringing down the Pakistan cricket team with their rogue agent Shoaib Malik.
All that Ijaz
A reality TV show where you get a all access pass to follow Ijaz everywhere. Highlights include him complaining that Avatar, Miley Cyrus and Viagra are all conspiracies against Pakistan. Also, see Ijaz threaten a garden gnome for being a potential Indian Spy. Watch him foam out the mouth when the paper boy accidentally puts NOTW and the sun on his front porch.
Press Butt
Keep Ijaz Butt in his position in the PCB and open up all press conferences to the public at 20 bucks a pop. Sell Ijaz t-shirts outside. Or Ijaz bobble heads.
Agony Butt
Typical letter, “Hi Agony Butt, my friends and family have caught my boyfriend cheating on me several times, and I don’t trust him anymore, but I still love him, what should I do?” Typical response, “All your family and friends are out to get you, it is a huge conspiracy, they are the cheaters”.
I am sure you never even considered putting Butt and plug together so he can sponsor his own range!
Martyd, Been there, done that.
I doubt even Butt would do something like this without a shred of evidence. It is not PCB’s internal politics this time so Butt can get away with anything – his credibility on the line here, and I guess a man shrewd enough to occupy a powerful post would be shrewd enough to recognize that.
Deep, Wanna bet?
The bit that really cracks me up, is him saying that they reserve the right to sue the people who are discrediting the Pakistan cricket team, during the same press conference that he slanders the England team.
He must have thought that the Pakistani High Commissioner has been stealing his thunder for too long now, and that he needed to get back to his rightful position of Chief Headbanger.
He probably has a bit of a point that ICC should of informed him before going public with the latest accusations, apparently they tried to ring him, but you get the impression that they could have tried harder.
And he may well be right that there is a bit of a conspiracy. It is currently prime time to be a mischief maker, making up stories and telling newspapers that Pakistan will score less than 50 runs between the 5th and 10th overs, or will get bowled out for less than 200.
But this one is a beauty, I have been wondering when Butt’s crackpot opinion would finally emerge, and he hasn’t disappointed. I await his next input with great interest.
I like the way he’s revealed he’s got some good contacts in the betting world.
Leggie, I thought that was weird as well.
Heck, why not? My gut feeling is that something is gonna come out of this. And I want a signed copy of WFBJ if I win :)
Deep, done, if any English players are found guilty by the ICC for match fixing in this game you get a free signed book.
Ijaz Butt IS the Justin Bieber of Cricket. He is so hot and sexy. And he even follow back to his crazy thirsty fans. But the tragedy is both can’t get laid.
Another event could be to watch Ijaz Butt attempt the world speed record for back peddling.
As of the last radio interview he doesnt have any proof and never said he did thank you very much.
Personally I suspect the world wide cricket media conspiracy of making the whole thing up.
I’m just glad he can keep such a depressing scenario entertaining…
Anyone want to take bets on who the English fixers are? I’m going with Eoin Morgan right now who’s increasing England dependence on him right upto the world cup when he makes a killing throwing the game against Ireland.
I love the implication that the English batting line-up can’t collapse of natural causes. It’s like saying, “Hmm, a 250 pound, eighty-year old chain smoker has just collapsed into his supersize McDonalds dinner. That can’t be right…“
Yea england players came right from heaven on earth. No body can question how they lost 5 wickets in 18 runs…………thats quiet usual alright??
But yea shahid afridi as reported by “A TABLOID who needs more money than PCB to get its circulation going in depression” is definetly a fixer…….he wasnt seeing the ball and could still hit it back on stumps with his bit a couple of melimeters above the ground……….that definetly is spot fixing. wowwww
how many times did this incidence occured in histroy of game?? anyone betting on it will get about 5000000000 for 1…….what ever baffoon Ijaz butt is he was absolutely right that their is a well organized conspiracy against pakistan and media like CWB is also part of the bias media……..Mr J rod forgot PCB can run in loss of billions but wont be declared bankrupt as 180 million pple loves the sport they are handling. govt will fund the few millions it needs.
The show is fixed though, as no one can be crazier than him.
JRod , Does it have to be fixed at all.
Clearly this “Butt” character is an invention of the Anglo-Indian-ICC-CIA -Media-Alien Lizard people conspiracy against Pakistani cricket. The idea that such a clown could be in charge of Pakistani cricket is a joke. Isn’t it?
Ghalib, if you think that a) I’m part of the media and b) I’m biased against Pakistan, you are approaching Ijaz Butt territory.
re some comments here, expressly those agreeing with/giving benefit of doubt to IjazzyButt, welcome to Pakistan, the land of no personal responsibility. Makes Mel Gibson in “Conspiracy Theory” seem normal and logical by comparision. Hell, makes the real life JCloving, hypermasochist, jew hating, bj entitled Mel Gibson seem normal and logical by comparision. Such a nation of victims never existed before in history, and were it not for their deep and glorious sense of honor and integrity, they would have committed mass suicide by now from the shame of this relentless cycle of accusations flung at them since 9/11,
By the way, won’t Umar Gul be fucked off. His Chairman has just said, in essence, that he can’t believe he’d skittle England out through class alone.
Yes J rod i do believe that you are handling pakistan and Ijazz butt the same way.
Butt is just a stupid individual who is heading pcb bcz his brother in law is defence minister. but all fingers are pointing at pakistan at this stage with no certain proof and a police investigation unconclusive as yet. Even if some one is guilty should be punished as an individual but the whole pakistan is being treated as criminal……….just look at the media and the blogs. everyone is saying pakistan is cheating with out proof.
Ijaz butt just said that he heard england players fixed the match……..same is the case with pakistan nothing is proven but 3 of our players are already suspended…….y not suspend england players for an unbelievable collapse. fucked up ICC dominated by Indians with slaves as ECB suporting them. thought Shahid afridi did spot fixing by running himself out….its ridicolus they even thought about cancelling the tour………….only on allegations………………what went wrong when butt leveled some allegation…..just to make you realize that allegations are only allegations……..its a conspiracy to remove reprive pakistan of their best hope.
Almost everyone is biased……look at the way England and pakistan players are being treated…….nothing is proved and pakistan is criminal……..England is clean and players are not suspended even after a dramatic collapse……..both are under allegations only…….
Just look at the difference in treatment…………IT is conspiracy to defraud pakistan
Let say Butt is stupid but what about Ehsan Mani ex ICC president who is respected through out the world for his professionalism. he came out saying that India has decided to isolate pakistan and bcz of its money power Ecb and Ca and supporting India. HEZ no Bafoon.
Y india want to do that……….just check on the word kashmir in news nowadays.
Ghalib, is your tin foil hat too tight?
Why does every pakistan related shit has to be linked to a conspiracy, which in turn is linked to india. If indians do half the shit pakistanis blame us than we can give CIA a run 4 its money :D.
P.S. But ofcourse we do have a highly organised cell of people trying to isolate pakistan and that to with the help of the icc, ecb and ca! ;)
Ghalib, were you a student in the Ijaz Butt School of Conspiracy theories, perchance?
Accusing the ICC, ECB, CA and India of plotting to destroy the credibility of Pakistan cricket is a bit much. And dragging the Kashmir conflict into this…dude, reality check. Really.
And don’t you think that implying that the ICC is under the sole command of Indians is just a wee bit insulting to the other cricketing nations who happen to be a part of the ICC?
Look, this England we’re talking about. England. If they got suspended after each woeful collapse the poor bastards would never play!
Ghalib,
In essence you want to say that India paid NOTW money to do the sting? And it also paid Mazhar Mazeed to say what he did? And then it paid Asif and Amer to bowl the no-balls? Do you realise how much full of shit you are? Linking everything going on in Pakistan to Kashmir and blaming it on India. Typical Pakistani idiot. I pity you.
You got to admit though, if Pakistan had collapsed like that, we all would have thought it stunk to high heaven.
But I’ve lived in the UK a long time and I have come to believe that the English players actually enjoy collapsing. It’s the familarity and the routine of it that is so comforting.
They sure as hell wouldn’t have to be paid extra to do it.
If they were, they’d probably fuck it up and chase down whatever they were set under that sort of pressure.
Ban them. Ban all the fucking match fixing cocksuckers! Pakistan are slowly, well, not so slowly really, killing our game!
Butt is pathetic and with someone like him in charge nothing will ever be done to stop this travesty. Ban the fuckers. Now! For ten years or so. That’s right, the whole fucking Pakistani cricket team. Gone, no international matches until they can prove without a shred of a doubt that they have eradicated match fixing and spot betting.
my heart is torn apart. Pakistan is killing the most beautiful game known to man.
And I remember about ten years ago sitting in the stands with big Inzi and the boys at manuka oval discussing numerous cricket trelated issues. one of the best days of my life.
Butt and the current team have destroyed that.
If India wants to do that they suppose to do, they would have done it long time ago. But, thank our invisible friend God, they didn’t do anything to Pakistan. Ghalib, Sachin voluntarily fielded in his probably first international friendly match for Pakistan. I hope you always remembered that, and stay away from this Group Of Special Patriotic Pakistani e.g. Butt Bieber. And always remember the more you will keep Cricket of Pakistan away from politician better it is. Also remember there are more fans of Pakistani cricket in India than any where in the world. I don’t know how old are you but I think you are very young individuals who doesn’t know anything about Pakistan. OR may be you are just angry and will cool down as soon as pakistan will start winning like normal fan. Winter will be starting soon cool down.
What ever Butt and Ghalib here are smoking, it is good and I want some!
@Menwhopause
Pity is on you dear who did not see the British Prime Minister go with a begging bowl in hand to India and repeat everything that the Indians wanted him to say against Pakistan. Why is it so inconceivable to think that the Brits wouldn’t fall low for money? Why is it beyond India to use British Media to discredit Pakistan ?
@ knowledge eater.
i said nothing about indian people or players. its the BCCI. its the new cold doctroine started by indians against pakistan to put them under pressure.
@ A nazar.
Thanks for mentioning how the British PM at a business forum which had nothing to do with pakistan. Mentioned us as terrorist an allegation hell serious than match fixing for a few dollars………..they wanted to please the indians didnt they. y cant they stage a spot fixing drama….
smh. just smh.
So it is because Britain wants to please India that it …..
paid NOTW money to do the sting? And it also paid Mazhar Mazeed to say what he did? And then it paid Asif and Amer to bowl the no-balls?
Smh.
Well there we have it!!! my fellow pakistanis have got it all worked !!! this whole conspiracy was hatched by the indian government in conjunction with the BCCI who then got the NOTW to pay Mazhar Majeed to get these players to bowl these no balls so no one would find out what was going on Kashmir!!! (and of course the CIA and MI5 were furiously working in the background making sure that the whole gig went ahead as planned).
Ijaz Butt is merely carrying out his patriotic duty. He is on a mission to save his country from this mega global conspiracy. The man is a hero. You may well want to question how he of all people got so close to indian bookmakers as to overhear a conversation that would have taken place in hushed tones at best?? well my lovelies, the man risked life and limb to get inside those illegal gambling dens of mumbai and get it all on record!! What a man! i await that libel case with bated breath where Butt shall reveal all!!
“its the new cold doctroine started by “INDIANS!!” against pakistan to put them under pressure”
Really, Do you know how much PCB made out of super steroidal hyped India-Pakistan Matches since the 1950 ? PCB is failed Board, failing to gather decent money to keep players faithful, they choose players only from particular pool, professionalism is almost 0. And most of the players want to be independent, and want to run their own show by keeping dumb agents. Players have no idea whom to make deal in sponsoring and what not, and then jealousy kicks in, it was going to happen. Today or Tomorrow. BCCI is narcissistic Board, even though board is not run by decent individuals, they do bring lot of money to Game from consumer, which is to be honest the most vital part of game and player survival.
Please for god sack stop listening to wrong people, don’t you think from any point from Butt’s statement that he wasn’t making selfish sentimental statements to save his own ass ? And remain PCB head for rest of his life ? Wait that is the story for every politicians from almost every country.
If I was head of BCCI, I would have bought whole PCB and run both Indian team and Pakistan team simultaneously. If people of Pakistan don’t like that I would have given citizenship to all Pakistan players.
A Nazar, Ghalib: You’re absolutely right. I have it on good authority that this is all a RAW conspiracy to discredit the glorious nation of Pakistan and its glorious players, who can defeat England even with its main players missing. And the good authority is… the great Zaid Hamid. (JRod you must listen to this guy talk, he will open your eyes to the truth.)