10. Tony Grieg arrives at your door step.
“No need to grovel, I’ll happily come in and spend all night chatting to you and your Asian bride”.
9. You could be giving birth to a child and ask for a an epidural and have Allan Border come in.
“If you can’t hack it, let’s get a tough Queenslander out here - get me Greg Ritchie”.
8. You could find yourself in a 7 hour press conference of a former great international as he battles rumours that he is gay.
“I’m not gay, not that there is anything wrong with that, some of my best friend’s are gay, my brother is.”.
7. You could be on a beach in the Caribbean when two joints are thrown onto your lap by Pakistani cricketers who see the cops coming.
“Our religion forbids us from putting anything like that in our bodies.”
6. Allen Stanford could sit on your lap.
“I’ve learnt a lot of oral presentation skills in jail”.
5. By accident you could pick up Mohammad Asif’s bag.
“No I didn’t pack it, and to be honest, I’m just a goat herder.”
4. Find yourself sitting to Darrell Hair on a 24 hour flight the day after spot fixing allegations against Pakistanis.
“I Fucken told you, I told you all, I did, every one of you, ha ha, and Murali is a chucker.”
3. Make a “your mumma is so” joke to any of Glenn McGrath’s children.
“If you ever mention my Fucken mum again…”
2. Wake up in a soundproof basement at Andre Nel’s house secured to a metal slab.
“Rise and shine, Samit. You’re probably wondering where you are. I’ll tell you where you might be. You might be in the room that you die in”.
1. Develop a mental condition that means that every part of your life is commentated on by Laxman Sivaramakrishnan.
“Oh what a wonderful crap that is, it’s struggling to get out though, this is a real tough one now. She is really straining, will she be able to come through this?”