Oh come on.
This is complete and utter bullshit.
Test cricket, kiddies, shouldn’t be played on pitches they only way you can get a wicket is by producing a knife.
8 wickets in 3 days?
Why even make test bowlers go through this?
Let’s get a bunch of inmates from a local prison, and make them bowl all day long so these soft batsmen can really score at a good rate.
And why bother with fielders?
Let’s just have cardboard cut outs.
Shit, we can make money off it too. They don’t have to be human sized; we’ll have them as logos of various companies.
“Kumar smashes a four past Adidas at point.” Even Lalit could get behind test cricket then.
Because this isn’t test cricket. As Dileep said on twitter, “If I wanted to see autopilot batting, I could play a video game.”
I’m not anti-batsmen, actually I am, the greedy little fuckers, taking every last run that is offered to them by cricket boards trying to get that amazing last day of cricket in. Fuck them. Bowlers are real cricketers, they don’t wear protection, they don’t get nightfuckenwatchmen, they just go out there and do the job. The minute the pitch helps the screaming little nancy boy batsmen complain about the pitch. It’s too fast, it’s too slow, it spins, it seams, the ball is swinging everywhere.
Shut up and bat.
That is job, save the pithy comments for the commentary box.
I hate you all.
Let’s even it up. Make them try, you know, give them something to conquer, not giving them an escalator up a mountain and then congratulate them for fucking climbing it.
This isn’t a test for batsmen; it’s a free pass.
Look at the number of hundreds in this game, and I’m not just talking about the batsmen, I’m talking about the poor bowlers who have been viciously attacked for so called entertainment.
Entertainment is when Mahela, Kumar, Viru or Sachin make runs when the ball is doing something. When they have to really bat, not go out and collect runs.
Instead of making stupid fucken mascot competitions, the ICC should start banning test venues for putting in pitches like this.
Actually start doing things. You know, stop sitting around lazily in first class whinging about falling attendances, and get your hands dirty.
I know it is easier to send out a softly written memo asking cricket nations to prepare pitches that bowlers have a chance on, but if you banned a test venue for continually putting out rubbish batting decks, then you’d see cricket boards change the pitches.
A proactive decision or two could fix things, memos rarely do.
We all know that flat tracks are fawned over by Executives and CEOs the world over. I am sure they have a day when they all meet up on the flattest pitch they can find and all masturbate all over it. Ironically, their semen probably gives the pitch more life and the ICC have to warn it for being too bowler friendly in the future.
I forgot what I was talking about, in my head I just had the image of Giles Clarke masturbating while James Sutherland giggled in the background.
Batting pitches are shit.
If this didn’t make sense, hopefully this does.