cricket with balls

The best sex rarely needs gimmicks, toys, third parties, food, or handcuffs.

That is not to say that all these things can’t be part of good sex, just that if you have to add them later because the sex is getting dull or repetitive, then something is wrong with the sex.  And by definition it isn’t the best sex.

This brings us to one day cricket and Cricket Australia.

They realise that the one day kind of sex is a bit stale, but instead of just doing it less – say each team playing their opposition only once in domestic cricket and 3 games series internationally – they are throwing every sexual gimmick at it they can.

The only thing they seem to be holding back is the ill-fated super sub of a few years back, which proved one thing, that if your sex life is struggling, bringing in someone else who by definition isn’t good enough to make your starting line up isn’t going to make the sex better.

The Cricket Australia idea is the equivalent of saying, “hey those quickies work, lets strap two of them together, then, lets make it sexy by letting one guy go twice, now lets tinker with the technique a bit, throw in some toys, and lets try and be kinkier throughout”.

That this mish mash of stupid ideas and half thought out concepts has come through focus groups and surveys should be no surprise to anyone.

According to CA, “People tell us they love one-day cricket, but that there is an opportunity to improve it.”  By people they mean James Sutherland’s cricket consumers.

The people who tune in for the 8 weeks a year to watch cricket in the summer and who probably don’t know how the batting powerplay works (although that could make them international captains).

T20 cricket already exists. Baseball already exists.  Now so does this spilt innings designated hitting 40 over nonsense.  But I’d bet on the first two being a tad more successful.

The people who were tested clearly don’t like one day cricket, because they have gutted it. Even if this format works, which I can’t see in its current state, it won’t end one day matches.  I don’t care if the one day format dies, but regardless Split cricket will just be forced into cricket’s schedule, probably without taking anything else out.

The easiest option would be to look at how many ODIs were played in world cricket before T20 cricket, and play half that amount, and fill the rest in with T20s, which people like and understand.

Then bring in some of the better suggestions, more bouncers, leniency for leg side wides, minimum of four bowlers, and even the four men outside the circle idea if you want to.

Those CA suggestions may not help the One day game, but changing it to a different game doesn’t help it either.

I suppose the most important is to not listen to a guy who writes, “I took my son to see Chris Gayle and the bastard failed, I paid bloody good money for it, had to travel all the way from bloody Epping on the non-express train.  Gayle should bloody well be allowed to have another go, for my son, he shouldn’t have to watch Ramdin or some shit bloke like that”.

The rule with sports and sex should always be the same, if you’re making it more complicated; the chances of it being good are pretty limited.

It doesn’t take long to explain a quickie or T20.