No, really, what is Marcus North?
You’ve probably asked yourself the same question.
Only because the answer is not instantly available. It isn’t like Marcus jumps out of the box screaming what he is. He spends his life in the box. Finding new and interesting ways to be largely uninteresting.
When arriving at the crease today the only thing that he was ever going to be was a wicket. Within seconds of his arrival I tweeted that people should bet that he would make less than 27 runs, the tweet was hardly up when he was bowled.
I think that is what I know about Marcus North, I know what he is not.
A test match number 6.
A spinner capable of taking important wickets.
A consistent batsman.
The problem is these things are rather important.
Let me explain, imagine you are the Chairman of selectors for Australia. Now imagine you went to a retail outlet and bought a toaster and you came back home, plugged it in, put bread in it, and what came out was either adequately toasted bread or burnt toast, what would you do next?
Because the toaster isn’t doing what you want. From your time at the store you remember that there are many toasters that could do the job for you, some are cheaper and could last longer, others have better special features.
Perhaps you bought this one in haste. It felt good at the time, and it worked so well the very first time you toasted. You were understandably pleased with its success.
This original toasting, and a few isolated toastings since, were so good that you may have not spent enough time really evaluating the failed toastings.
You did have a few good looks at the toaster. It is built correctly, you could even say the parts are organised well, but the whole toasting experience leaves you less than satisfied.
I mean, fuck, man, you just want some fucken toast, right?
You understand that at times the toast will be less cooked or more cooked than you want, few toasters are perfect, but you wont abide by burnt toast.
After all this you’d come to the conclusion that you must turf your toaster and get a new one.
So while you are doing that you should probably drop Marcus North as well, as he isn’t a toaster or a test batsman.
Maybe you want a cylon toaster http://www.likecool.com/Battlestar_Galactica_Cylon_Toaster–Kitchen–Home.html
You should go with dave hussey in that case :D
“I mean, fuck, man, you just want some fucken toast, right?”
They gave you a press pass?
Danny, they don’t give it to me often.
But Punter likes him and this is the selection team that thinks Clarke is the ideal no 3 in twenty/20.
No point in questioning how they work.
…sigh… I really want North to do better. I keep hoping, but fuck it – he just ain’t coming through with the toast.
Sounds about right for the West Aussie captain, though, doesn’t it?
“The Warriors – we strive to be ordinary.”
I’ve another Dustbin – ‘The Warriors – Looking for an average time?’
Toast yes, bowling also yes. But he occupies an important slot.
North is flat track bully.
See you tomorrow, all things being well!
“He’s not a toaster, nor a Test Match No. 6.” Yes, but in this Australian setup neither of those means he’s toast.
I demand an apology.
When I visited Mr North recently he made me some excellent toast. Wholemeal bread, freshly baked and toasted to perfection. I would have preferred unsalted butter and a slightly less sweet marmalade, but I am not one to quibble.
I can tell you that Mike Brearley has no idea how to make toast without burning it, Warwick Armstrong insisted on spreading lard on his, which offended my vegetarian sensibilities, and that the Nawab of Pataudi (senior) could not even pronouce “toast” due to a speech defect.
I hope that this helps.
Maybe CA can change the bread ? The toaster doesn’t look like moving anyways !
He’s not a spin bowler either.
Can I stop being an Aus fan? I think it s more humiliating for us than for the Pakistan team that our strike bowlers are Watson and North..
Well Vim, he may not be a spin bowler but he now has a six for at Lords.
Before that he was gone. Hard to drop a guy thats just taken a six for.
I bet he wasn’t gone. Punter has been giving him special coaching in the nets and he had a good tour of Kiwiland.