the world t20 team report card

Afghanistan – Turned up with a bowling unit that most Minnows would be proud of, but their bowlers also ended up being their batting.

They were very loud, but showed real aptitude, but were kicked out of the library after being caught urinating on the technique books.

Australia – Finally selected a T20 team and got a test player to captain it. Took the gamble on 3 front line bowlers and it worked until their batsmen bottled it in the final.

Bullied their way around the schoolyard, and everyone sucked up to them. Next time they should stay focused until the end of the day.

Bangladesh – Tried hard at times but never had the firepower to scare Australia or Pakistan.

Truancy is a problem, if Tamim isn’t around the rest of the boys lose confidence. Perhaps they were promoted too quickly and could do well if they were to repeat this grade a few times.

England – Was the best performed and coached side in the entire tournament, Wright at six was a gamble, but their middle order stuck around and they deserved to win.

Polite, courteous, well mannered and simply a delight to teach. About time too, before this they were a disorganized bore that should have been spanked daily.

India – Arrived with a hangover, played like they were in a coma, picked the wrong side and then performed like their entire family had been killed by drunk drivers.

Spank them, send them to bed without their dinner, cut all extra curricular activities and make sure you give them a curfew.

Ireland – Showed yet again that they are a plucky yet largely untalented bunch. Bowling display against England was a masterclass in bowling slow seam.

Since Eoin has moved classes the Irish boys have looked slightly stupid, it might be time for remedial studies, again.

New Zealand – At times it felt like they were in the tournament, but that they also weren’t. They beat 2 of the Semi finalists, but not in the semi finals.

A very eager student who would do extra work than required, it was just that their best work was only just a pass.

Pakistan – Were shocking, brilliant and wonderfully insane, just like Pakistan should be. Need a captain, not an excitable poodle.

Were truant at the start of the semester, then came in late doing lots of work to try catch up. They almost passed but it wouldn’t be fair to students who turned up all the time, like M Hussey.

South Africa – had one of the bowlers of the tournament in Charl Langeveldt, and almost no one else. Picked the wrong team, stayed with the wrong teamand then failed to actually chase Pakistan’s total.

These boys are clearly too old for schooling, and didn’t look interested either. Perhaps getting them into the workforce would benefit them.

Sri Lanka – Surfed the wave of Mahela all the way to the finals, but outside of him and some isolated performances they were pretty ordinary.

Had one mature age student who was of no use, a cool student who didn’t seem interested and some experimental student who produced very little. Very disappointed in them.

West Indies – Teams who host these tournaments are usually useless, the West Indies proved that rule.

The entire class sit around waiting for Chris Gayle to do the work, and he can’t always be bothered. Andre Fletcher needs private tuition or home schooling.

Zimbabwe – Had a great array of spinners and almost entirely nothing else. Played good honest cricket, but are missing several components.

They seemed to be driven by fear of being spanked by their parents, but are generally a very poor academic group. I don’t want to alarm anyone, but Ray Price is surely too old to be at school, and I think I saw him beat up the Lunch Lady.

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11 thoughts on “the world t20 team report card

  1. Zyon says:

    Afghanistan has a bowling unit some international teams would be proud of. For example, India doesn’t have a 90 mph bowler like the Afghans.
    .-= Zyon´s last blog ..Watch out, IPL – the MPL is coming =-.

  2. a person says:

    LOL this is hilarious.. England= teacher’s pet, Australia=school bully, so the final showdown was good vs evil..
    Wish you hadn’t called Afridi an excitable poodle, spare him some dignity, he’s a labrador at least.

  3. Wes says:

    You know what a labrador is, person? A wonderful, amiable, loving, docile, loyal, intelligent, honest, decorative and quiet creature? Being more obsessed with chewing up inedible things than other breeds is not enough to make Afridi a labrador. He could as well be a toddler in the oral phase. That would also match his noise level.
    .-= Wes´s last blog ..Words Words Words =-.

  4. a person says:

    Very petty to hold that ball-chewing incident against him. Apart from that one moment of ball-biting insanity, think of all his positive achievements in cricket. He’s a likeable, gifted player.

    To be honest, some friends of mine who had no prior interest in cricket started following it simply because Afridi’s insane batting drew them in and made matches exciting. One of them, he’s joined the local cricket club now.

    • jrod says:

      A person, I love Afridi, you can read anywhere on here about how I love Afridi. I also love Andre Nel and Sehwag, but none of these three men are captains. And I think if you look at the career span of Afridi you can see a few more incidents like the ball chewing, like perhaps his twirl on a good length during a drinks break in a test match, or his involvement in Ahktar to name but two other hilarious things he has been involved in.

  5. housemonkey says:

    I’d have said Afridi’s more of a beagle – eats anything, barking mad and almost impossible to tell if they’re fiendishly clever or just too thick to know better.

  6. Shaitaan says:

    @ A Person: “Apart from that one moment of ball-biting insanity, think of all his positive achievements in cricket.”

    I’m trying. But that mid-pitch twist keeps coming to mind. “Ah”, you say, “but apart from those TWO moments of insanity…”

    Anyway, poodle or labrador, he’s nobody’s bitch.

  7. Saurav Ganguly says:

    Afridi is definitely fun to watch. In these days of politically correct players, who only mind their own business (like Cameron White, he looks clinically bored or just plain retarded, the man has no human emotion).
    Its boring actually, with players wearing those obnoxious oakley’s, you cant even see their fucking eyes. where is the emotion, the passion, the sweat, the fight. Show it boys, dont hide under over-sized glasses. (example: the whole Indian team).

    Afridi does not need glasses, he has amazing tresses and all of him is out for display. He is dumb for sure, but thats why he is lovable.

    Afridi takes me back to gully cricket where if need be the umpire would be beaten if that was what was needed to win. Refreshing and original, like every gully cricket game.

    SG

  8. a person says:

    @housemonkey: It’s a bit of both, since he’s Pathan. They are dumb sometimes, and clever sometimes. But great people.

    @Shaitaan: Oh come on…. think of the Cup and every six made to achieve that!!! And every wicket bowled to achieve it! Or all the world records!!!!!! :-D

  9. jogesh99 says:

    History will tell you that a pathan would never lose to a brit – if only they hadnt been enchanted by a hussy.

  10. Dave says:

    Ireland bowled some pretty good slow seam against Windies too – Trent Johnston’s 55mph bouncer springs to mind.

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