Today England have to let go KP so he can rush home to watch his popette wife can deliver his spawn.
I’ve written before and International cricketers’ WAGs needing to fit their gestation into the Future Tours Program.
Sadly, they have not listened and Mrs KP is now going to produce her little KP during a ICC tournament.
Instead of making a big deal about it, the ECB are handling it with properness and decorum.
This is obviously the wrong way to handle it.
For one, KP is being allowed to go home.
KP is box office. People love to see him fail and make runs. People love the drama he brings with every slightly nerdy red bull run. He is England’s franchise player.
By allowing him to go home they are robbing themselves of him for at least one game, which might not seem like much, but during a tournament as jam packed as this one, it needs as much KP as you can squeeze in.
This is how I believe Lalit would handle the situation.
KP would never be allowed to go home.
Instead Mrs KP would be flown out, on a private plane, to barbados. The camera crews would be tipped off as to when she was traveling over, so that there were heaps of shots of her and her team of medical professionals (good looking Indian Doctor and team of 6 blonde nurses). For the next few hours news stations would be showing these clips on a loop.
Then Mrs KP and the team arrive and are hidden away amongst much secrecy. Hopefully by this time the private jet, sexy medic team, shots at the airport in London have whipped the media into a frenzy. I could imagine Sky Sports Tim Abraham outside the team hotel saying, “We’ve been informed that Mrs KP is fine, but there is still plenty of Mystery around as to why Mrs KP has been flown over. Some of the more out there conspiracy theories is that the team are to eat the placenta in a team bonding exercise.”
On twitter Lalit could have laughed off that.
Instead what Lalit does is organise a tent to be out on the ground, a medically sound tent, so before England’s next match Mrs KP can be cesarianed on the ground, for decency and medical reasons it will be not be shown to the crowd.
After she has given birth, the baby will be suitably cleaned and attired.
Then KP shall exit the tent, him wearing his English kit, the baby in a teeny tiny replica shirt (with Pietersen on the back).
KP shall then lift the child into the air, Lion King style.
At this stage the only people on the ground, who aren’t in the tent, should be KP, baby KP, and the cameraman and crane operator who are shooting the momentus occasion with the Michael Bay shot of tracking around KP and baby.
If the ICC tried to stage manage this event Mrs KP would give birth in a community hospital to a intern on her first day on the job.
LOL. Uncle.. Sometimes you do the real crap too.. i find it pretty sloppy this time.. like KP in SA.
.-= Konspirasy´s last blog ..Short of titles =-.
Funny way of making a great point. Just to take it further, the tent, aircraft and everything else must be branded and the coverage should be on youtube.
.-= Mahek´s last blog ..There is Always a Story if You Want One =-.
One of the most annoying things about yesterdays match was the commentators describing his innings as one of the best they had ever seen. I hope we don’t see him again.
Btw, I think Adam Leverthal is following England this tournament. Tim Abraham has been relegated to covering Ireland.
.-= Zyon´s last blog ..Ten unlikely tweets from Sachin Tendulkar =-.
Zyon, they are both there, aren’t they? Am sure I saw Abrahams interview Andy Flower.
This is really funny. But Modi is capable of all this and more. He would have Modi-fied the whole event just to keep KP in the Caribbean !
hahaha Brilliant .. “Good looking Indian Doctor and blonde nurses” haha that would be Blockbuster .. I wonder whole Poms brigade will be hoping Mrs. KP better push faster otherwise well … we will wait and see what happens …
Btw. I support KP’s decision .. but i don’t support ICC decision to organize tournament when Baby KP is coming, and many other reasons I don’t want to mention.
btw. If Modi would have done this in real, lot of people would have been happy especially “Conspiracy” Journalist who would have fed their babies by throwing stone at Modi .. how cruel but generous that would be by Unsung Hidden American Hero !!
Sorry Jrod even after all your effort, i don’t think Modi is going to come back as a main guy, he is being forced to rested in peace.
How stupid are aussie selectors to not play Dirk Nannes in the first two WCs. IPL showed this talent to the world. Without IPL nobody wud have known about Dirty dirk.
Lalit Modi would have roped in an apt sponsor for it as well, some thing like, “Fedex Speedy Delivery Oh The Day”, Worse, Indian sickening sensationalists aka TV Journalists would have run another reality show titled “Who is the real father of the child of KP and Jessica”? with another TV Channel coming with a breaking news of ‘ KP’s new born baby has the look of Flintoff…..’
Gokul Kenath from Vengody, Palakkad, Kerala, India
JRod, you must be some sort of prophet. I’ve just this minute seen KP, Jessica and Lalit boarding a private plane at Heathrow
.-= The Reverse Sweep´s last blog ..England’s dreaming – 1966, 2003 and 2010? =-.
I don’t think KP would want millions watching his wife’s cooter live on Youtube. Or maybe he would…
.-= Rishabh´s last blog ..Stuff that’s happened =-.
And thats why you aren’t LKM, how did u miss to inform ur readers that MRF is the pioneer of technology in india.
.-= Mock Wah´s last blog ..ICC World T20 – How Pakistan are better placed than India =-.
“Nuts” – the whole lot of you. :)
Close-up shots of the MRF blimp with Sunny Gavaskar claiming that this was the dick that started it all.
KP has bigger balls than Sehwag.
While he struck a baby-dash deal with ECB, Sehwag stays home with a sudden injury and a new baby.