Being conscientious types, we at CWB feed don’t spend our rain breaks sat on the sofa doing nothing. Oh no. We use the time to get to the heart of the day’s issues. Which is why we worked our collective nuts off to secure an interview with Daryl Harper:
CWB: So, Daryl, tell us about that Smith decision
Harper: Hello?
CWB: How does it feel to have committed one of the biggest cock-ups in umpiring history?
Harper: Is there anyone there?
CWB: Can you hear us?
Harper: Oi, lackey, I thought you said those cunts from Cricket With Balls were on the line?
CWB: We are! Can you hear us.
Harper: Well, I’m not sitting here with this stupid headset on all day, I’ve got cake to eat.
CWB: Daryl, you thick git, turn the volume up!
Harper: Nope, still can’t hear anyone.
CWB: Turn. The. Volume. Up.
Harper: No-one there. Right…
CWB: TURN THE VOLUME UP!
Harper:…I’m off to see how many sandwiches you can stuff into Steve Davis before he explodes.
CWB: Oh, for fucks sake…
Klinger stereotyping?
the volume wasnt off.. it was at 4/10
He made a complete arse of the review system trial in the West Indies, he’s a liability on the field and a waste of space off it. The worst umpire in my cricket watching life and that’s saying something.
Make your comments to Harper at his crappy blog . I wonder if he’ll use it to comment on this farce.
I think Harper is trying his best to ensure the UDRS fails. I hope he is as bad at doing it as he is at doing everything else.
.-= Mahek´s last blog ..FICA and the need for a Collective Bargaining Agreement – II =-.
Hilarious! Not that anything could be funnier than the actual incident itself..!
We should all be grateful that cricket has inbuilt elements that lead to frequent outbreaks of farce.
Marvellous stuff.
Worst umpire in the Universe= Steve Bucknor. I hate that SOB!.
Even darrell hair is mentally retarded but atleast you know he wants to be the dictator on the field.
Bucknor is worst.
I do not mind umpire makes mistakes but blatantly side with other team because you are scared of them.
UDRS to rectify and amplify umpires mistakes. So people will learn to be smart in how to use UDRS.
It takes time.
Poor England. Imagine, a dodgy decision perhaps affecting their chance of claiming the urn. I mean series. Whoops. Poor dears. My heart really bleeds for the whinging pricks.
I don’t for a second wish to defend Mr Harper but there might have been a technical hitch with the SABC audio. With digital, audio and video are no longer permanently attached as they were in the days of tape and stuff does go missing.
What’s more, older or cheaper digital systems often have litlle or no allowance for quality re-sampling (changing the speed to match the slowed video) and the audio may have been chopped up into small snippets to stay in sync. It’s possible that the bleedingly obvious nick was one of the bits of sound that wasn’t in the snippets. We all know the SABC cried poor on the hotspot cameras.
Apparently one of the English guys working with the SABC team didn’t hear anything either.
I like to hope this is a more likely cause than either temporary deafness on the part of Mr Harper or conspiracy on the part of SABC people. I’m probably hopelessly naive, however and will get my coat.
I’ve become Alex, haven’t I?
I take it all back. I’ve just read on the Times Online that everyone had the same audio feed, so my theory is complete pants.
Burning effigies of Darryl on the high streets of England.
Did anyone watch the Aus v Pak game where twice Michael Clarke was given not out even though it sounded like an edge? Hot Spot showed no edge despite the sound. Everyone is acting like Smith definitely hit it even though its not certain at all.
Moving away from mediocrity to sheer megalomania awesomeness, did anyone see how good I was last night? Even Daryl called to congratulate me.
@Alex lol! you dislike Bucknor? That seems highly unjustified given your hatred for Indian cricket and everything India, except maybe Sehwag (and yourself?).
coinbox.
I hate over hyping indian crowd and jingoistic people.
I hate michael slater too. he go on and on in the commentary…i like anything fair without jumping up and down.
Same umpires gave roach out even though there was no knick in hotspot. I strongly believe all umpires scared to go against aussies in australia.
They can give bad decision against any country and they can survive but they believe they will be trashed if they give wrong decision to australia.
May be bucknor was so scared of aussies ,,,he gave out even aussie moaning in the sydney TEST.
Anyways..UDRS will help definitely. No one wants to win things by cheating but if there are avenues they can exploit they will do.
So eliminate gray areas in umpiring. Let umpire see his own decision on replay in his pocket iphone. ha. :D
Or may be create 3D sunglasses through which he can see close up. May be pocket video player may not work as it is difficullt to see with lighting effects.
So until then…
So now its what a microphone on a stump picks up that decides, is it?
So if the field umpire doesn’t see it, and you cant get the deviation on camera either, theres always the clinching evidence of static from the microphone on the stump, or some heat sensing infra-red blur to fall back on.
Fuck, the threat to cricket isnt from the IPL or the T20 or any such shit, its from the techno-morons.
@jogesh99 – If you don’t trust sound (snicko) and heat (hotspot) then you should fall back on sight – remember the ultramotion cameras they used a while back? – In the West Indies If I recollect correctly. They would pick up even the slightest nick. I wonder what happened to that technology.
Technology can only provide inputs . I still think the main ISSUE with UDRS is interpretation of the things by Third umpires.
They are not consistent. Some third umpires officiating AUS-PAK,AUS-WI are morons.
Timothy – I bet they have a very good excuse for not using something that works well, as always.
So we have all these bizarre techno devices to “assist in eliminating obvious errors” (as the horse-shit goes) – so is it a majority wins kinda deal?
AH Ponting out hotspot and snicko but not out on-field umpire and super slo-mo – tie-breaker via fuckin Hawk-eye!
Alex, the essence of a techno-moronic culture is the belief that human error needs to be eliminated, and techno is the way to achieve it. So techno has to DECIDE.
A self-learning algorithm to assign percentages of out/not-out for each of the devices will soon replace umpires in the future.
So
AH Ponting out hotspot 36%, out snicko 46%, out on-field umpire 21% and out super slo-mo 74%. Average the shit out and give the final decision.
SUCKED IN SKIVER AND SUCKED IN POMS
Who is this skiver- are you jrod’s whingeing pom alter ego?
Shame on you for suggesting the UDRS is useless- it gives an entire nation (and one Zimbabwean) the biggest whingeing cause since Princess “Flatulence” Diana spread herself across a French tunnel.
And that in turn gives the rest of the world real pleasure in a saffer-delivered arse-raping which most reasonable cricket fans would normally eschew.
Sucked in sucked in sucked in.
Thank you.
@richie_141 – Amen to that.
What I don’t understand is: there is a suggestion the third umpire has the ability to listen to the audio all the time but usually has it turned down to avoid all the stump mike chat. Why on earth wouldn’t someone want to have that mike up all day? I love stump mike chat! That would be the best thing about the job for me!
And another this morning, Daryl overturned a decision despite the video suggesting a possible glove. Just to be clear, it’s irrelevant who benefits from these shockers, it’s just wrong, another way of spoiling the greatest game in the world.
As it happens England have hardly made their own luck so they’re more likely to be the ones suffering. A 1-1 series result would hardly be an unfair representation of the way this series has gone, but it’s always wrong if a Test is decided by incompetent officials.
“England, we hear, have formally asked the ICC to reinstate one of their lost reviews, for the Harper-Smith fiasco yesterday. The ICC have as yet not responded. ” – The damned impudence of it all! No way the ICC can allow that without ripping up its rulebook. Imagine this
“England were allowed 3 incorrect reviews.”
“Why?”
“One of them wasn’t actually wrong, but we would cause a disruption of such a scale in the fabric of spacetime that TARDIS could fit in were we to erase the 90 runs Smith scored after that”
Well, buggers – whatever happened to the old stiff upper lip and stoic acceptance of the umpire’s decision you loved to prattle about?
Timothy, Brits will be brits – forked-tongued cunts as always – they probably still think they have veto powers in the ICC.
http://www.cricinfo.com/rsaveng09/content/story/444425.html
With you all the way ‘say no to whingeing’.
Yeah, who is this skiver loser anyways with his feeble attempts at humour.
Jrod, that pansy-arse country is going to mess you up mate.
Mahanama – telling the cunts to fuck off:
http://www.cricinfo.com/rsaveng09/content/story/444392.html
Shifter – interesting – i saw the Smith interview and he says he is still sure he dint hit it.
Lets see what he says 10 years later – like Langer recently did – much after the dust settles and the record books just show who’s won, and not how.
I agree with Mahanama. If you increase the volume , you will also hear noise. There should be standard normal volume. if it is not hearable in that then the knick is not hearable, May be smith did not knick it. if you increase the volume , the sound could come from anywhere.
My question is though who made the claim that Harper did not raise volume and based on what?. why people even watching what harper is doing when he is sitting in the booth. Man should be allowed to rest and eat and sleep. :D
It is a real shame to see the pom-bashing start again. Here’s the England set-up trying to improve the video referral system by showing up glaring inconsistencies, and the usual suspects start throwing bricks.
It’s saddening, showing as it does the continuing mental anguish of some of those in the former colonies, who still can’t deal with their inferiority. It’s like the little brother who can’t accept that he can’t jump as high, or run as fast as his older sibling. Sometimes the older brother’s encouragement and love just falls on stony ground.
But that doesn’t mean we don’t keep on loving you, guys.
@ChrisW: Sheesh! What a patronizing reply! That goes with being an ‘older brother’ I suppose. I must say that with us Saffers, the Indians, Aussies and the Lankans being above you in the test ratings, your claim that we still can’t accept our failure to jump as high rings hollow.
And your innocent attempt to improve the video referral system must be condoned and encouraged, while our try at maintaining the consistency of the laws of cricket by bringing your ball tampering to light is to be contemptuously brushed aside. Honestly. I can’t think of anything more English than that blithe statement of yours.
Accept it – your team has been shit for 20 years. If you can’t adjust to that, you have no business claiming that we haven’t gotten used to our independence.
This is all irrelevant, boring and superfluous to the most important tournament happening at the moment. Why isn’t anyone interested in my best on ground, man of the millennium performance last night? Being in awe of ones self is not an easy act, just ask Kev Pietersen. Perhaps if I discussed umpires adjudicating by race then at least Alex would start chirping about me.
Not sure what it means, but it is obviously hip and that is me – coinbox
Oh you Australian scallywags, you’re a funny lot aren’t you. You are without doubt the biggest bunch of moaning, bleating, whinging (notice the e missing there say no to whinging you dumb cunt) twats on earth.
You prove my point just by the fact so many of you have come here, to whinge and moan about England. Blah, blah, blah whingeing (sic) poms blah.
The fact is, as a nation, you are a cultural, economic, academic, industrial, historical irrelevance. It is hardly surprising you are jealous of the nation that provides your head of state, but none the less it does get somewhat tiresome.
Hard to get your head above the cesspool of aussie and pom semen in these comments. Aussies whinging/whingeing about Poms, Poms whinging/whingeing about Aussies. Shit has no race, and in the case of Harper’s umpiring surely that is something the whole world can be united on, after all he is on the International cricket council’s elite panel.
“There there, Brad” (Whilst stroking The Ego)
@Brad Hodge – that flick 6 was something special. shame that only team that would pick you is the kolkata knightriders.
Jrod for ECB president.
I warned you Jrod, that pansy-arse has-been talentless country!
Move to Mumbai dood, we’ll do Cricket on a Chatai and eat some real food.
@jrod – is “elite panel” an oxymoron in this context? or in reference to this cuntox?
Sunny, both.
I am disagreeing with JROD in this context!. For me Harper did exactly what he is instructed to do. Listen to things in standard volume (4/10 to avoid noise interference). By increasing volume you will also pick up pad noise which can interpreted as knick noise. I think English and Jrod are whining. Period.
I always go against the grain. I think harper is 100% right. Mahanama is 100% right!.
Even though i think you should apply all possible technologies like Hotspot , Camera angles , Sound to conclude better decision.
We will always going to have a opinion on the interpretation of Third umpires. I call any white umpire’s decision against asian or wi as racist. Hahahaha. Everyone need excuse. :D. There are sometimes it is true , there are sometimes umpires are scared , sometimes incompetent.
People should be allowed to complain and whine up to a level,
Poms complaing is nauseating though.
You agree to level 4/10 volume , why do you want umpire to raise volume ? if you wanted that why don’t you put that in the first place.
ECB has no right to complaint on harper.
I do not know much about harper on other howlers , he gets my support for sure!. There are worst howlers happened in AUS-PAK, AUS-WI and no one is complaining because it went against PAK and WI. It is just that.
POMS and Aussies are complaining and as though doomsday when things go against them even if it is right decision.
Pathetic if you ask me!. :D
I also hate INDIA not using UDRS. I hate that BCCI fkers. They complain so much about aussie this and that but when it comes to them they behave exactly like aussie do.
They are thinking by not having UDRS against small teams like SLA and bangladesh , they get favourable decision. When they play against aussie they cry for UDRS. BCCI and indian team are Douchebags!. :D
Alex, who wrote this piece?
I do not know much about brad hodge , he looked like ponting clone once. Racism(castism) is everywhere. It is just that indians need to look at mirror first before complaining.
When i see black actress as heroine in bollywood , then i know india is evolved from tribal jingoistic idiotic stupid society. :D
Same brain. :D
People always will have opinion. There is no perfect world , perfect software , perfect decision. We just need to able to trust the decision of umpire that he did what he possibly could based on the inputs he had.
With respect UDRS , i think key issue for me is consistency of the interpretation. When the ball goes over bail by 1mm umpire gave batsman not out but at the same time he gives out on another occasion. it is just not right.
Also when hotspot shows no knick and no sound , Batsman(roach against aus) should be not out instead we have umpire gave it out.
I think UDRS is fine , it is just that third umpires should interpret things same way.
Either they have to trust technology 100% or throw it out.
One thing bugging me is that how to fix umpiring howlers in australia by non australian umpires. I have come to a conclusion.
In australia , the umpires should be only aussies. aussies are not scared of aussies compared to other kind.
For me UDRS is necessary but it needs to refine rules and eliminate duplicity in interpretation of technological inputs.
Ah, the classic “Yous all jus’ jellus!” argument. Well played, good sir. Well played.
Argh, that was supposed to quote Mr. Say No To Illiteracy.
“The fact is, as a nation, you are a cultural, economic, academic, industrial, historical irrelevance. It is hardly surprising you are jealous of the nation that provides your head of state, but none the less it does get somewhat tiresome.”
Oh well. I suck at formatting. Mea culpa.
Top stuff there Skiver – “I’ve got cake to eat” hahaha!
CRAP!. it was written by Skiver. Who he is anyway. I thought i was responding to Jrod piece.
so Jrod is not taking side with POM on Harper issue?. if so …then we are on the same side. Hurray. :D
I think everyone wants to be Jrod. Every bloggers linked to this site copy same style. There will be many Jrod clones.
i think Skiver is real Jrod’s daddy and try to be as funny as Jrod?. Not working though.
Alex, who says we are on the same side, it was shit umpiring from a shit umpire, hence the post taking the piss out of him i spose. It doesn’t matter what role Harper fills, he fucks it up. And like all true shit cunts, he does it indiscriminately.
Andrew McGlashan seems to have a few words to say on this. BTW I love it when Ryan Sidebutt gets pissed with UDRS. I must say he’s one of the bigger chunks of mediocrity floating around. Can’t bat, can’t field to save his arse and bowls dollies with that punctuated action of his.
Alex – does it really matter who wrote it?
I introduced myself when Jrod asked me to start writing here last year, whilst he went off and did important stuff like getting engaged. Read that piece and you’ll know who I am.
And no, I’m not trying to copy Jrod. That would be like trying to paint your own Mona Lisa.
On the other hand. I hope that in 10 years time we’re here, slagging off the Jrod wannabes at then end of a day listening to him be this generation’s Richie Benaud
.-= theskiver´s last blog ..Carter USM =-.
Then we disagree.
I think harper did the right thing in this instance. That is my opinion. Write the law , follow it to letter. only thing if you do all the time then it is ok.
Harper has no business to raise volume to hear noise or supposed to be the knick when both teams agreed to keep the volume at 4/10.
I am not watching harper other mistakes , so i do not know on those issues , i think in this instance he is right.,
Why not make 100 clones of Taufel. We will not have this problem. :D
Skiver , i remember that …but we always miss that small letter of who wrote it and assumes it is jrod. Not your fault. May be i do not like poms complaining like hell about umpiring when things go wrong against them once in a while. Every one at recieving end of bad umpiring of ICC except Poms and Aussies.
For me i do not even think it is honest mistake by Harper , he did the right thing in this instance.
That is my rant. No one need to agree , world would not be same if every one agrees. Life is in disagreement except people shoul not kill each other. Hahaha. :D
@ say no to illiteracy
hey check this out- http://books.google.com.au/books?id=Vm_mNJiflwgC&pg=PA467&lpg=PA467&dq=whingeing+spelling+oxford+dictionary&source=bl&ots=d-WVmQh8HU&sig=YLyPhMSz_50YgU2URGaSu5_vXQ4&hl=en&ei=YjBSS764DZDatgPXzo3lBw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=5&ved=0CBsQ6AEwBA#v=onepage&q=&f=false
where do you reckon this Oxford Dictionary comes from?
also, hilariously, this new website http://www.whingeing-pom.com/index.html is by poms for poms. looks well written I might add.
hey don’t feel bad, you can’t be blamed for your ejookayshun. you should learn to google but.
@ skiver and jrod
ok ok, on reflection and on review (ironically) of skiver’s past posts there is no endemic whingeing theme. sorry it’s just that whingeing by English (and one Zimbabwean) (and three South Africans) sets me off a bit.
and that’s my whinge.
I hope that I am not biased towards anyone. I am quite proud of the fact that, with the other sport I write on regularly, every one of the 32 teams involved seems to think I hate them.
I’ll write about England more because that is who we get the most coverage of here, but I’ll take a swing at anyone without fear or favour.
You are, of course, entitled to your opinion. All I would say is that everyone in this debate – England, SA, the SABC and especially the ICC – has a vested interest and I suspect that the truth lies somewhere between the four positions
.-= theskiver´s last blog ..Carter USM =-.
All I would say is that everyone in this debate – England, SA, the SABC and especially the ICC – has a vested interest and I suspect that the truth lies somewhere between the four positions.
the truth that daryl harper sucks monkey balls? yeah.