History can tell you many things. It can tell you that someone was a truly great player (I hope I don’t need to give examples). It can tell you that they completely wasted their talents (Vinod Kambli, for example). It can tell you that they punched well above their perceived weight (David Steele) and that they were perhaps not as good as you thought they were (Stephen Fleming, arguably).
What they don’t tell you is why some people simply dislike certain players, for no apparent reason.
Obviously, such assessments are, by and large, only valid once a player has retired and a small amount of time has passed. After all, everyone needs a chance to prove themselves – as Marvan Attapattu would testify.
So, with one exception to that rule, here are my least favourite five:
5. Ramnaresh Sarwan
It’s not anything that Sarwan has done to me personally. It’s not even what he has done on the pitch. But there is something about him which just screams ‘Humourless, self-centred, prick’. The stories of him spending charity dinners on the phone chatting to his mates don’t help, of course, but the biggest injustice is that Sir Viv’s career was blighted by haemorrhoids and Sarwan’s hasn’t been.
4. Raymond Illingworth
Where do I begin? Being a momumental egomaniac? Never admitting to ever having got anything wrong, ever? Ripping into David Gower for a brilliant runout because he might have given away an overthrow? Claiming to have been bowled off a plantain in the pitch? Or being the worst England Chairman of Selectors ever – no mean achievement in a field which also includes Peter May, Alec Bedser and Ted Dexter? It doesn’t really matter, the man was the epitome of ‘unloveable’.
3. Terry Alderman
Not because of his systematic torturing of English batsmen during the 1980s. Not because he once injured himself tackling a streaker. And not because he looked like a stormtrooper in that stupid white helmet. Simply because he was such a monumental arse, he was the only player to refuse me an autograph at Eden Park in 1982. Hell, Gary Troup even signed my scorecard right next to where I had recorded his dismissal. Even the freaking umpires were giving autographs. But the Great Terry Alderman thought it was all beneath him and strode off the pitch, shaking his head at every request. Cunt.
2. Michael Atherton
Why everyone thinks that Atherton was some sort of cricketing genius is beyond me. As a captain, he lacked inspiration and insight. He had no clue how to use a spinner, completely shafted Mike Smith on his one Test appearance and was among the first to have his head drop when things went against England. Yes, he was a great batsman, but that doesn’t tell the whole story. Just read Steve James’ description of Atherton’s duplicity when they walked out to open in his first Test to see what I mean. Adding this together means that whilst some lauded the Atherton autobiography as a standout example of the genre, I read it as 200+ pages of someone shouting ‘LOOK AT ME, I AM AN ENORMOUS COCK’
1. Tillekeratne Dilshan
The winner by a country mile, for one very obvious thing. If you are a budding international cricketer, and if you want to change your name, don’t change it to that of your national captain, you enormous fucking suckup. It doesn’t matter what you have done or will do in your career, Dilshan, in my book you will always be the bloke who chugged a metaphorical nine incher to further your career. Need I explain further?
What if someone changed their name to Virender?
Artherton was not even a great batsman. He was good but not great. The crapness of the batsmen around him sort of elevated him.
.-= Dhananjay Mhatre´s last blog ..Short Story 2 – The trier =-.
Dude, what about the “britney spears concert was fun” from Sarwan!!! I never cared too much for his batting but that took the cake
Thilan Sama(pain in the ass)raweera
Munaf (fukin) Patel
Andrew McDonald
.-= Mock Wah´s last blog ..2009 Gone bys and Good Byes 2nd QTR =-.
He (T.M.) changed his name when he was 5 years old man… :P but cool article nonetheless! :D
Whilst averages aren’ t everything you may want to look up Atherton’s. I’ll even give you the link:
http://www.cricinfo.com/england/content/player/8579.html
Great Batsmen?
Generally you need to avg. 50+ to be have the ‘great’ moniker applied.
Yes, Atherton was a goodish opener, no great… But I’ll tell you what, he’s rubbed up a lot of people the wrong way over the years. Ronnie Irani seems to hate his guts, he hates him almost as much as Bumble.
.-= Bitter Lover´s last blog ..South Africa under pressure to deliver =-.
He was the most cerebral of cricketers, watching him in the field was like watching Keanu Reeves act.
Am impressed that everyone seems to want to kick into Athers for not being a great, not many on that list really are. Shane Watson however, is a great that we can all agree to hate
Alderman is also the most boring cricket commentator to ever have been allowed to make cricket sound like the most throat-slittingly dull pursuit.
Atherton is just up himself, isn’t he?
I do agree with others here that a test average of 38 as an opener doesn’t qualify you as “great”. But Atherton is one of the few ex-cricketers who I enjoy reading. Apart from his ludicrous “Don was greater than Tendulkar because he had no helmet” piece, every other article of his has been thoroughly enjoyable.
Jarrod started with “hate for no reason” and has proceeded to give detailed reasons. Tut, tut. And no Shane Watson in the list?
Oh, sorry, that was not JRod.
I would put Laxman Shivramakrishnan at the top of list! He is Alex with a mike in hand. Coming close second would be the entire Sri Lankan team. Enough has been written about them by Siddharth Monga in cricinfo today. Hate them! Next would be the sole Bangladeshi commentator on tv. Thank god he only gets involved when Bdesh plays (who wants to watch em play anyways ;)). And then the ICC for introducing PowerPlays in the death (literally), as if it was not enough torture for the bowlers and viewers.
coinbox.
lmao at Vinod Kambli tagged to this post
coinbox.
Special prize to Deep Cower for being the first person ever to notice for themselves that I’m not Jrod. On your other point, I meant ‘hate for no apparent reason’ in the sense that you can understand why someone might hate Cronje, or Watson, but if I just said to you “I really hate Terry Alderman”, you might wonder why
Yawn, the title specifically says ‘Cricketers’. If I got onto commentators, governing bodies and the like, we’d be here forever.
.-= theskiver´s last blog ..Carter USM =-.
Tillakaratne Mudiyanselage Dilshan was earlier known as Tuwan Mohammad Dilshan before he converted from Islam to Buddhism
Anyways my hate towards people mainly who think they are great when they are really
not good and lazy people and freeloaders.
1. All Indian Fast bowlers!. Especially sreesanth , munaf patel (all patels including parthiv )
2. Sachin
3. Michael Clarke ( after sydney test , somehow i hate his arse and always look for how he like to cheat things).
4. Sangakarra ( another guy who think off himself too much) he is ala clarke. Sneaky fkr..
5. Dilshan for copying God’ style Batting. :D can’t have two gods…one must die. HA HA
6. Sourav Ganguly ( not seen much of atherton so can’t much of him either)
7. Prince (he must be bad advertisement for quota system in SA)
8. All sachin fans in CWB and myself. And i can’t hate myself , my role is play sreesanth in CWB and trash all sachin fans. Do not react. you are all only talking to yourself actually.
9. All sneaky midgets. They do not have qualification to play sports.
And All Indian commentators. Somehow i find them repeating same sentence zillionth time and i feel like i am hearing robots. And every time they praise indian cricketers , they get out. I say STFU already to them , they do not listen. Never ending mumble.
Most hated
1. L SIvaramakrishnan. ( i have no clue why still have a job. He repeats sentences within a minute.)
2. Sunil Gavaskar. (One irritating soul top to bottom. His mom gave birth to him when she was raped or something.bad)
3. Harsha Bhogle – i don’t like him …i do not know why yet. :D
4. All pakistan commentators , all srilankan commentators.
5. Michael Slater! (can someone fire him pls?)
While on LS, today, thus he observed when Sreesanth squared up Dilshan:
“That was a beach!”
I wonder what this author’s definition of great is. Or is it the joke part of the post?
Nothing is serious. Ofcourse you have mind of your own and find it for yourself.
Jrod is king of funny man. :D
Very much agree with Michael Clarke.
I’d like to put AB De Villiers out there. Not an outwright twat (no Shane Watson) but slowly irritating, like herpes.
.-= Reverse Swept´s last blog ..Farewell tri-nation tournament, it hasn’t been fun =-.
Vinod kambli and Sachin should have been two stalwart of indian team but it did not happen because Sachin (elite brahmin) has got support from elite brahmins(BCCI) and Vinot kambli (backward christians) did not and sent to rest of backward trash pile.
Kambli would have broken all sachin records if he could have given as many chances like the midget sneaky cowardice stat whore sachin. :D
What could have been
May be in alternate Universe Kambli is having Sachin records and sachin sent to bottom and india is real democracy ruled by everyone not just elite people. :D
I hate people who gives much importance to STATS than win. It is like HOLLOW victory. It is like presumption that trying to win is no longer profitable in INDIAN culture and more of Stat is the impression of Victory itself is a lie.
Gavaskar the first sneak midget stat whore TAUGHT sachin how to craft for century and ignore team goals. He advised sachin , people remember how much century you scored not how you win. I resent that idea.
if every one stop trying , then we will have millions of stat whores like sachin who play for themself in every country. This kind of people should be abused and tortured and mutilated and burnt and and hang on the entrance. :D
We need great players who wants to win at any cost. It does not matter which country they are from or what color of the skin or religion.
You want to be witness to greatness.
I do not consider Sachin is great in any areas. he is sneaky dude just play for himself.
Indian fast bowlers also have this Gavaskara disease that they stop trying to play to win and more of playing to keep their spot in the team.
if they play hard and get injured and no one will help. They loose moola. May be that is true but the decision to play 40% of the level is not correct one. Instead indian bowlers use the moola buy whey protein . creatine monohydrate and hit the gym and bulk up. Indians has natural instinct , just need more muscle so that they do not get injured.
I think pakistan players always have Best cricketing body. They have indian instincts and strong healthy body.
West indies do have but they all got attracted to baseball and NFL(greatest sports in the universe). :D
‘s one thing to bag cricketers. Bagging cricket “journalists”? There’s a over-repeated phrase about never picking a fight with someone who buys their ink in barrels.
Hats off for it, of course, Uncle J, you have some big ones. Think about the awkward silences when you’re a superstar pundit sharing the green room – as you invariably will be as long as certain dirty pocketed ex-captain writers/commentators don’t white-ant your career!
BTW, I read the book. Loved it. No, really, I’m not (just) being a brown nose, I loved it. I learned so much about this whole cricket thing – I mean the politics and characters, not the game – and as a relative newbie tragic it was an eye-opener. I’d always taken the articles written in the papers at face value. Never again.
Mrs Hooper obviously couldn’t see the wood (your lovely story telling) for the trees (some dodgy grammar and spellling). Cow.
Ah, I just realised it wasn’t Uncle J either.
The suck up stuff about loving the book stands, however.
Don’t forget Ponting. Good god, I love to hate Ponting.
.-= Dustbinner´s last blog ..Test 3.0 – some things that might happen in the course of the 5 days (but probably won’t) =-.
Stuart Broad. His cover drive is the best the world has ever seen. But what a cunt.
I love Ponting. He is da Man.
Decade Player of the year!,. What else you can ask for?. :D
Ponting faced weakest bowling ever because all the best bowlers were retired and best bowlers at the time were in the aussies team.
That said i like ponting attitude because he wants to win. Yes he has tools. Do not bring sachin here , he never play to win. So contest.
I think sehwag should be decade player of the year as he faced quality bowling from aussies and SA and Kallis would have been Hardest working man of the decade without a contest.
I thought Srilanka put india show where were the boss in last ODI. Well done SLA.
Over hyped Kohli brought down to earth. He is good for weak bowling attack. If ball is swinging and fast , he is nobody. He will learn like Rohit sharma.
One thing though Kohli is typical indian batsman who makes most of weak bowling attack in benign pitches.
I would have selected Manish Pandey over kohli anyday, Only indian scored century in T20 and he is the one scoring big in the ranji trophy.
Why it take so long for selectors to select him. May be he is not brahmin? i have no idea. I just wonder.
I am also hating these people who are obsessed more Technical merit of batsman than production. I like people produce when team in danger of losing. I like people who bat well in pressure situation.
We need to find that kind of people. Not FLAT TRACK accumulator whore like sachin!. :D
I really think my Brain and my Typing fingers has coordination problem. fingers type something , brain things something. Hahahaha, :D
I really think my Brain and my Typing fingers has coordination problem. fingers type something , brain thinks something. Hahahaha, :D
Alastair Cook. And thank you, the Skiver, for presenting me with the opportunity to say this!
I detest him because he is the only cricketer I’ve ever met who made me feel like I was a nuisance for daring to ask him to sign my Wisden Who’s Who. I don’t ask very many in a season – probably only about 10 – and he was astonishingly rude, despite the fact I asked extremely politely. I shall ever regret the fact I didn’t tear the page out afterwards and shove it in his face.
Arsehole.
.-= SarahCanterbury´s last blog ..Ben Harmison bowls to Rob Key =-.
ps NOT that he is a “great” cricketer!
.-= SarahCanterbury´s last blog ..Ben Harmison bowls to Rob Key =-.
Stuart Broad. acts like a twelve year old when things don’t go his way. then theres flintoff. don’t really hate him, more the way his fans and the media hype up his every one good performance (which come along, what, every 3 to 4 years?). his annoying, down on one knee, arms spread wide, wicket pose certainly doesn’t help though.
woops. neither of them are greats.
Regarding the Alistair Cook jibes he’s positively Bradmanesque compared to Robert Key as a test opener.
& the fact the fat goon never shuts up about reclaiming an England spot when he was binned eons ago gets him my vote as the most irritating cricketer.
First-rate work. You have made a brand-new fan. Please maintain the fabulous writings and I look forward to more of your newsworthy posts.
wot – no KP or Haydos on the list.
I hope KP continues his bad form gets dropped and goes off to qualify for Bangladesh where no one can understand his self-centred, boring crap.
Haydos has gone and hopefully will soon slip from the airwaves for ever.
Can’t agree with Atherton or Dilshan being on the list…. ‘great’ should need at least 50+ batting average to be considered.
Illingworth may be a knob after he retired [he was accepted into the English establishment so that is all the confirmation that you need] but as a cricketer he was a good ‘un. Tough, uncompromising, talented, successful [captain] etc – not many from Albion who met those criteria in his era.