New Zealand beat Pakistan before a ball is bowled

It takes a mentally strong team to win a game of cricket before they get out on the field, and Daniel Vettori’s band of men may be tough enough.

New Zealand have already come up with a strategy so out of the box, daring, and genius blue-sky thinking that other captains must be jamming their keys into their thighs.

It boils down to two facets.

Plan A, New Zealand lose:

“In the unfortunate circumstance that we lose their test against Pakistan, the captain, coach or selector (all Dan) will claim that Pakistan only won because they tampered with the ball.  Even if it doesn’t reverse swing.  Any collapses or bad batting should be blamed on ball tampering (chucking if the spinners do us in). This will give us the moral victory, and will save us face.  Perhaps get some right wing  guys fired up about Muslims being untrustworthy to really sell it”.

Plan B, New Zealand win:

“If we somehow manage to win against Pakistan people will just assume it was match fixing. So let us spin that, and straight after the victory we will claim they were match fixing, but that they were only doing it because they knew they couldn’t beat us and decided to cash in. Win, win. Perhaps get some right wing  guys fired up about Muslims being untrustworthy to really sell it”.

While Vettori came up with these plans, they have gone over very well with the marketing people, especially those who are tired of claiming the Plunket shield was simply restored to its original name, and not because they couldn’t find anyone to sponsor it.

New Zealand cricket needs a shot in the arm, and perhaps Dan and his guaranteed wins might be just what the need.

Pakistan doesn’t stand a chance.

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0 thoughts on “New Zealand beat Pakistan before a ball is bowled

  1. jogesh99 says:

    Thanks Jrod. I still remember the 1994 Pakistan tour of New Zealand.
    http://www.cricinfo.com/ci/engine/match/63635.html

    It was during the Wasim Waqar era, before whitey learnt to imitate Paki reverse swing (so it was of course all due to ball-tampering and cheating), that the rabid Zealander media ran a highly publicised contest to catch the Pakis at it. Man, did they ever have to grovel – and I mean literally – some of Waqar’s yorkers had them actually eating dust while trying to save their toes.

    BTW, the course of the 3rd match looks highly suspect – Wasim fixing anyone?

  2. man you are a brown person at heart
    .-= karachikhatmal´s last blog ..Enter the Facebook =-.

  3. also jogesh it can’t be wasim fixing if saleem ‘satta’ was present
    .-= karachikhatmal´s last blog ..Enter the Facebook =-.

  4. jogesh99 says:

    They were always in it together – arent they related by marriage too, family dhandha and all that.

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