Jeremy Snape has the worst job in the world.
Imagine having to fix the heads of the South Africans after they fucked up yet another time on the international stage (even on the less important games).
I would write out the list of all the times South Africa have stuffed up when being the favourite or one of the favourites for a major tournament, but I don’t have the time.
Even when they had the chance to beat Australia for the world number 1 test spot in Sydney they fucked up, and then they went home and lost that series as well.
What is wrong with them?
No, really, what is wrong.
Because choking is one thing, but they never even did that in this tournament, they were just outplayed by England, and smashed by Sri Lanka.
They didn’t get close enough to choke.
Smith put them on his new stream line shoulders and tried to carry them, but have you ever tried to carry 10 men, it is fucking hard.
He couldn’t do it, and again South Africa are out before the tournament final.
Snape’s job is untenable.
They don’t need therapists, psychologists, counsellors or anyone sitting on a couch.
They need a room alone, a shotgun, and “The Mercy Seat” by Johnny Cash on constant repeat.
Only in blowing their heads off can a South African cricketer completely get their headspace right.
It will be less messy than actually talking to them.
I promise.
Certain players should be excluded, right now I can only think of Graeme Smith.
But there must be others.
Everyone else should be a mess on the floor/wall.
What kind of odds could you have gotten on England and New Zealand advancing out of Group B? Gotta love Jesse Ryder getting fined for bashing a chair!
Even comedians are leaving this kind of material alone now
“Certain players should be excluded, right now I can only think of Graeme Smith.”
A year or so ago, would you have believed if I were to tell you that you’d write such a sentence?
Oh the irony.
What’s all this about Strauss denying Smith a runner? Not very sporting, wot, from the nation who think they a re the bees knees in gentlemen’s cricket?
Can’t win any other way, than by denying the opposition a sporting chance? Reminds me of Cardiff.
Uncle J, you are sounding as if you are starting to like Smith. Smith getting an Aussie like you to like him is something akin to a miracle. Hallelujah baby.
why did his opinion matter anyway? its not the opposing captain’s decision but strictly between the batsman and the umpire. do these moron umpires even know what they are supposed to do on the field?!
and newsflash to wing commander: cramps can happen to anyone regardless of their physical “conditioning”. i wait for day when another captain fucken pays you back for this bit of gamesmanship.
Because their captain is an arrogant prick, how difficult is that to grok? Oh sure, he can bat, but so can Ricky Ponting.
For those talking about my Graeme Smith comments, remember this, he was the end of my first book, can’t ask for more than that.
Smith must get more professional by losing weight or get out of the game. Saffers are perennial chokers.
They can’t effing well bear being favourites, even the suggestion makes their bowlers aim at imaginary stumps a foot outside the real stumps and makes Gibbs, Kallis and Boucher break out in cold and slippery sweats so that they can’t hold bats.
It is like the entire cricketing fraternity iin ZA has a phobia about being No1.
“Outplayed by England” – there’s a phrase you don’t see very often.