More mirror time for James Anderson can only make him happier.
Freddie can be the big swingin’ dick again.
After every conversation KP has with someone he doesn’t have to say, “I’m sure what KP meant to say was…”
Did you see that innings at Lord’s, several people jumped off the Compton stand while he was out there.
Cause KP is a twat.
No more Liberty X.
The other players will need to step up knowing that the English press might actually be watching them.
Graeme Swann will be happy not to here about how KP is a better bowler than him.
There won’t be 150 copies of the News of the World in their change rooms.
KP made Graham Onions feel sexually uncomfortable.
The players will be happy to not hear about waterfront homes at Battersea.
Alastair Cook can finally be made the official vice-captain.
At random intervals they wont here this, “ The Phaeton is a fantastic car that let’s me travel in style up and down the country allowing me to arrive refreshed and relaxed.”
Paul Collingwood will stop being the dowdy one and bring out an array of attacking shots that will make the world orgasm at once.
that all made perfect sense until you started talking about the ginger nurdler playing teh sexy creeket
On current form, Ian Bell will score the more attractive 30 before getting out in an utterly daft manner.
A significant section of tabloid newswriters will collapse into catalepsy when they realize how boring Ian Bell is.
On the strength of KP pulling out of the series, Oz for the series win moved in from 3/1 to 5/2. Did the bookies watch those Red Bull runs in the first two tests?
Ian Bell from Middle Earth has two working hobbit legs. 640 runs @ 80, but the thing is, scoring 640 runs @ 80 is easy on those spongy Shire pitches…
Hang on Jrod, the Telegraph has added to your list…
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/cricket/international/theashes/5880737/The-Ashes-who-can-replace-Kevin-Pietersen.html
They did unfortunately leave the list unfinished.
David Gower (Leicestershire)
For: David has collected 18 centuries at international level with renowned elegance.
Against: If selected likely to encourage Freddie to dick around in the Betfair blimp during Australia’s innings.
Jack Hobbs (Surrey)
For: Another of Surrey’s gifted batsman, Hobbs holds the record of most first class centuries in cricket. Sorry, of course you saw Slumdog Millionaire, that’s the only reason I remembered it too.
Against: His reanimated corpse was last used to open the Waitrose branch in Blueroute Shopping Centre in 2002, since then has been left in the loft under an unused surfboard by the Hobbs family.
KP will be a great loss for England. It is tough for them to win the ashes now.
3-1 Australia then.
Shame, I rather enjoyed watching him hobble about in pain.
Surely they can fly in another South African to take his spot? What’s Boeta Dippenar up to these days.