cricket with balls

Lord’s. Ashes. Mitchell Johnson’s Nightmare. The pitch is flat. Australia is fat. What will happen in the afternoon session? Naked sex romps? This page is set to reload every couple of minutes or so.

That is me for the day, thanks for reading.

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Holy fuck, Kp almost grabbed the ball 3 times, and all three times i started appealing.

That is why you never ever pick up the ball.

Then Hilfy laughs, then hilfy walks back, then he bowls a bouncer and KP is late to hook it and gloves it straight up in the air.

Next ball KP almost platys the straight one on, Hilfy is on fire.

Then Strauss gets a third while McDonald is fiddling around the boundary rope. And that is his ton.

Has been a very good knock, way better than Cook’s shit.

KP back on strike they, Australia wouldn’t mind.

But he middles it, and that is tea.

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“I think Hughes’ mum might have been a qantas hostie.  He looks like Ralph fiennes” Superzaco. Until I read the end I thought you were trying to say his mum was a bitch.

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KP leaves one from Hilfy, close, but not as close as last time.

Hilfy then over pitches and the ball is driven through mid off.

Australia have spent alot of time thinking about fields to KP, short catching mid off, catching short cover, catching short midwicket, and KP gets an inside edge back onto this thigh.

246/2

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Strauss has a mid pitch nap while Ricky gives 4 overthrows.

Still no bowling from Michael Hussey, I am as surprised as you are.

Great bowling from North, bowls a quicker one and KP is slow to react and edges past slip.

Have been very impressed with his spell, but I also like wickets.

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“the most accomplished brown person to play for england remain basil d’oliviera… for god’s sake, ravi, owais, sajid mehmood, usman afzaal, please fly the flag for us” KK. The most accomplished brown nose player was Ashley Giles.

Inside edge from KP.

Not loving the swinging ball at the moment.

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North is slowly, or so very slowly, working Strauss out.

Strauss senses this and slog sweeps off the edge as much as anything else but with no man out, could have gone straight up.

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KP hangs his bat in the wind and misses a massive outswinger.

NEWSFLASH: Hauritz is on the balcony.

KP misses another one.

“Don’t F this up, KP.” brett. You can say fuck here. Unless you had another F word in mind.

KP was going to miss another one but snatched his bat away.

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“Bopara looks just as likely to score a zillion as go out next ball. Finally a bit of excitement” Poopsie. I think you pressed send as that hit his pad.

North still on.

Deep point out now.

“nice mo KP..” Moses.

Ravi and Cook out, both to straight balls, again.

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Hilfy swings one into a wide half volley and Ravi slathers it with jam.

Next one he goes at again, and this time he almost finds point, one bounce to North.

Australia would think they can pick him up soon.

That is plumb, fuck it is.

Ravi looked like a puppy on the freeway then.

Just the straight one, but Hilfy had taken them all away, and Warne’s call on Ravi might not be the worst one ever.

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North doing a top job here.

He almost bowls Strauss with a straight one that Haddin also left.

Then North bowls a wild one down the leg side, Strauss tries very hard to get some bat on it, and he helps it for 4. Would be a long time between runs for him.

Strauss squeezes a drive thorough point.

North built up all that pressure, but once he went down the legside he lost it.

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“Fark even Hussey and Ponting may bowl 10 overs each” Poopsie. Ricky would get good swing there.

Hilfy is back on, good spell Mitch, lots of shit bowling, and a wicket.

Ravi is throwing himself at everything, Hilfy gets some swing, and Ravi hits it a foot past Hughes at short cover, the ball goes for four.

Fuck me if for the first time the ball hasn’t started to really hoop.

210/1

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North might be able to get Strauss here, he looks frustrated, and North is doing well.

Ponting brought up the deep point and midwicket for the last ball, North gets his second maiden.

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Mitch’s celebration was Lord Stueyesque.

Rav starts with a chip over square leg to the rope, Mitch tries a slower ball next ball.

Half volley on off stump, just a lazy ten off that one.

Go Mitch.

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“cook misses out on a lords ashes hundred to mitchell johnson on his worst day. as nelson would say “ha-ha” KK.

North is out thinking Strauss a bit here, and they share a Lord’s giggle.

The odd one is turning for him as well.

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Rav is in. His photo makes him look a little retarded.

He isn’t.

Mitch was just to quick for Cook.

It would have been a top ball at 11:12.

1/196

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Mitchell bowls a special short and wide one, Strauss top edges it.

I think Australia should move the slips to thirdman, and then they will be a chance to take a catch.

Cook gets sucked in my a FULL and STRAIGHT ball, and he misses it.

He made 95, funny.

Mitchell might be bowling ass loads of dribble, but he is a wicket taker.

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It’s time for Tim Neilsen to get a little Jim Jones with the Kool-Aid.

“I wonder if Warnie is pissed that John Buchanan has been so successful so far in this test” TGM. I didn’t know Bhooka Naan was playing.

North actually looks far more likely than Hauritz to get a wicket, no real surprise, just thought I’d mention it.

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“What are we watching here? It sure as hell does not look like test cricket” poopsie. Tiddlywinks.

Mitch is on.

Starts with a short wide one. Gets smacked.

If I was Ponting I would rip out his tongue ring.

And again, Andrew mcDonald saves it though.

He decides on yorkers for the rest of the over, must be 2020 time.

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Overthrows in this over.

I think Haddin should come on to bowl.

Cook or Strauss would need a real brain fuck to go out right now.

NEWSFLASH: Bauritz is not on the balcony, I repeat, Hauritz not on the balcony.

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Australia has bowled quite well after lunch, and then Siddle drops sort and gets cut, but they have.

This over is shit, stop fucking saying good things jrod.

“Shall I be the first to ask if there’s another Australian spin bowler in England that the tourists could call on for the next match if Hauritz is out?   Maybe even someone with a few test wickets?” Chris. Terry Jenner is there.

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Haddin misses one of those tricky ones that went straight to him.

I would pay money to see Haddin keep on an uncovered wicket.

Then Ponting lets one go through his legs.

“to relieve the boredom i started browsing through your “in bed with” series. will you consider ever writing one about sir brian charles, or will that get too graphic, even for this site?” KK. Doubtful. As he doesn’t play anymore, but you never know.

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“Hauritz put down a catch only Haddin would have dropped” TGM. Haddin would get good turn on this wicket.

Cook hasn’t looked comfortable to me all day, he is on 88.

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North bowls a good over.

He is a handy spinner, and in this match he might get 50 overs.

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Siddle on.

There is a weird muted buzz out there now.

Hauritz is on the balcony with the physio.

His finger is all wrapped up, but he can’t bowl.

Not a bad over from Siddle, but there were more shots of hauritz than of Siddle.

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Hauritz is down.

Australia might be fucked here.

Strauss comes down the wicket and whacks one straight back to him, and he should have caught it, instead it dislocated his finger.

The middle one.

That might be him for the match.

I don’t think you can bowl off spin without your middle finger.

North finishes the over, and keeps his fingers.

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Haddin takes one and almost appeals.

Great ball.

Hilfy gets decides agaisnt persisting with his good elngth drops short and there goes the ball.

And again.

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Hauritz isn’t bowling bad, but I’d be happy to face him now.

“it was a no ball, but haddin just got syphilis” the gaz man. How could he catch it?

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Aussie wags pen on show. That runner is there, the blonde one that is married to Manou, her name, please?

Fucken useless pricks.

Hilfy gets an edge, Haddin drops it, and it is a no ball.

Australia is now taking the piss.

Hilfy is bowling the line though, and the length.

Strauss sort of mauls one for 2, bring up his 50.

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Ponting changes the field, because Cook slogged two balls last over.

Warne is not happy, neither am I.

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“I would be amazed if Strauss or Cook had any lunch, having feasted on so many delicious pies in the morning session.  Who can blame them for having a quiet few minutes waiting for the inevitable leg-side trash…” Chris.

Hilfy got bored bowling a great line and length and so he popped in with a slower ball down the leg side.

134/0

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Cook slogs one off hauritz. Who does he think he is, James Anderson?

Cook looks a bit edgy, I wonder if that is because of his score, or his strike rate.

Another big hit.

Wow.

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This is a terrible start for Australia.

Line.

Length.

Pitiful.

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Mitchell being “rested”.

Hauritz is on.

Just a normal everyday hauritz over.

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Hilfy beats the bat.

And again.

This doesn’t seem so hard now.

Hilfy will be pulled out of the attack for this kind of line and length.

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Too much Steve Waugh in the lunch break, my testicles have gone back into my body.

For those who haven’t read it, see Me Vs. Steve Waugh here.