I now know how it feels to be an average medium pacer in the 90s.
I went head to head with Steve Waugh, and I wilted like a flower in a hurricane.
It was at the MCC’s World Cricket Committee press conference. With me was a small number of press, Rahul Dravid, Tony Lewis. John Stephenson, Geoffrey Boycott and Steve Waugh.
It was about the MCC’s idea to bring in a test championship, and generally sex up test cricket.
During the press conference my questions were well received. The first one even eliciting a “that’s a good question” from Steve, which is like saying well bowled.
My confidence was sky high. Then the press conference ended, rather abruptly.
Rahul Dravid and Geoffrey ran out of there, but Steve Waugh stayed behind, so I ran down to ask him a question.
Before I got to him I could see John Stephenson eyeballing me, and as I got down to the floor he cornered me, seems my questions about what happens next after the MCC ideas group come up with the ideas got on his nerves. Finally I wriggled out of that.
Then I made my way to Steve Waugh. He was talking to another reporter at the time; I sat behind and steadied myself for the question I had to ask. Just keep it sort, sweet, and try and look relaxed.
You know he can smell fear, he tastes weakness, and his hairstyle tells you he is not here for nonsense. So keep it light, quick and easy.
It was a hard question; an out of the back slower ball if you will, and I knew Steve wouldn’t want to answer it. How many chances do you get to ask Steve Waugh a question though, I might as well ask him one that has some bite to it.
When he saw me waiting with a question he was already a little pissed, he was trapped on the wrong side of the press conference, and now realised that he was the last “name” in the room and would have to do the gauntlet on the way out.
But fuck it, I had the question ready to go, it was now or never.
“Excuse me Steve, can I ask you a question” A little nervy.
“Sure” If you have to.
“I’m not sure if you know or not, but Bilal Shafayat was jokingly called an Al Qaeda terrorist by an Australian website after the last test, and I was just….”. Very nervy, I can actually see him turn on me as the question comes out.
“No mate”.
And then he gives me the look.
You know the look.
We have all seen it countless times.
That look of complete pure contempt, he was judging me as a man, and I was failing.
It was the look of insinuated violence. I could break you little man, you know it, and I know it. But instead I will just stare at you until you break yourself.
It was the look hundreds of cricketers had to deal with in their career.
Reducing some to tears and making others doubt the very essence of their existence.
At that moment it didn’t matter that I am actually bigger than him, he was in charge.
I am not a man who scares easily, but I was on my heels.
The awkward silence seemed to go on for hours, as he just tore me down with his eyes.
I was sort of stuck where I was, I couldn’t get around him, and he wasn’t in a hurry to get out of my way.
I tried to look him back in the eyes, but they were fucking vicious.
Instead I stood next to him like a naughty schoolboy while he dressed me down without ever saying a fucking word.
Hours later (you weren’t there, it was hours) another reporter came in and asked him a question about the Australian bowling line up and I fucked scrammed.
I got out of the building as quick as I could, another reporter was trying to chat to me, but I didn’t want to run into him again, so I bolted on that conversation as well.
Once I was outside I felt whole again, I had survived.
No wonder that bastard was so good at stripping down cricketers, if he had told me I’d lost the world cup at that stage, I’d have fucken believed him.
I have noticed that in interviews with hard-nosed Aussies they can use the word “mate” in the most contemptuous manner possible – the perfect antagonym
Not like an Aussie to be lost for words. Even the most perplexed Aussie would surely have called him a “cnut” and told him he wasn’t worth his place in the line-up. Fight fire with fire Jrod.
Now, I’d have liked to have been there had you asked Dean Jones that question.
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Haha.. good one Jrod.. u just met one of my favorite cricketers!!
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Q, and he met one of your favourite bloggers.
TVC, I wouldn’t have been intimidated by Dean Jones, so that would have been fun.
Ceci, it is a flexible word.
That’s true Jrod.
I met Dean Jones during the Pak-Aus series a couple of months ago and that man is huge! Intimidating surely.. I don’t think I would have used “terrorist” in front of him…
Q’s last blog post..10 LBWs
Jrod,we should be talking more controversial.
See what Vinod Kambli has to say about Lord Sachin…
“We are very close… We were very closee. He could have done a little more, but he didn’t,”
So we fucken know now what is it about Sachin’s vocal chords.
He sucked hard when young…and..fucken bit him before the climax, and kambli stuffed him…..and
Hah! Brilliant post, JRod. Well done for even starting the question. And welcome to the realm of journalists who’ve been treated with contempt by sportsmen. Just remember, most of them can’t write for toffee and you’re better than them. Sadly, Waugh can… Still, bet he’s crap at darts.
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Did you try to take off your shirt and wave it at him? It worked for the Giant Alien Lizard.
That is the question of a fully fledged HACK. Welcome to the club. Brilliant story; if I had my way, that’d be in tomorrow’s papers. All of them.
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You should have asked him what he thinks about Peter Roebuck.
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Tony, he seemed to be getting on well with Roebuck during the Press Conference.
Sam, I think if BJ tried to give me the look of contempt I’d break into a laugh.
Mahendra, ofcourse.
Superb. simply superb.
you should feel grateful that stone cold laid the eyeball smack down on you. something to tell the grandkiddies about, if his fearful gaze hasn’t completely withered your nads (which it has been scientficially proven to do. see Ashes 99-04).
keep up the champagne work tiger.
Excellent!
I know the feeling.
Why? How? Because I tanked in astonishingly similar fashion with Fox Sports’ Brendon Julian, Brendon bloody Julian, a few hours earlier when asking the same question.
‘Aw, look mate, I don’t want to comment on that’.
That’s what came out of his mouth, but his eyes spoke of total bemusement with a dash of contempt. Excellent.
might be a doh question.. but you really asked him this? as in flesh to flesh?
Oh well..I once saw Ian Chappell in a bar at The Taj President in Mumbai, and did some thing similar (to what you’ve done with Steve). I asked him some thing to the effect of ‘after all these years, do you still think you’ve done the right thing asking Trevor to bowl underarm’? He just glared at me viciously, and I stood there for a few seond hours, before slinking away clutching my beer.Without a word or change in expression, he made me feel like an insect.
I mean, this was in 2002, and there were so many questions I could have asked him, but I ended up asking him the one question he probably hates :)
Kumar, I think I speak for a lot of people when I say, please tell me you really asked that of Greg, and not Ian…
That’s because it’s a dumb fuck question Sam.
[...] at lord’s No, this isn’t about me getting stared down by Steve Waugh, but it was part of that [...]
Jrod,
I know what you mean.I was in a bar and drunk, but it was Ian.No, I didnt mistake him for Greg.I mistook him to be the captain who had ordered the underarm. And Ian simply glaring at me did not make my mistake obvious to me either.
I only learnt about my mistake a few days later, surfing the Web.And I felt like a dumb git.
Kumar, that is great. I now wish I had asked Mark Waugh about his dandruff ads.
You should have mad a weak jibe about how long it took him to hit a Test hundred.
It wouldn’t have taken you that long.
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Waugh was my favorite cricketer growing up. I would have given anything for a look of contempt from the man.
Is that a bit gay?
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Steve wasn’t pissed about the question, that’s his standard way to treat a Victorian. Fair play too.
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almost a handled ball there… steve waugh would be proud
Moses’s last blog post..KP is a twat
FUCK
Moses’s last blog post..KP is a twat
Oh… wrong thread :(
Moses’s last blog post..KP is a twat