cricket with balls

Being that I am literally in England, I now get to hear things “on the grape vine”.

Rumours, innuendo and scandal.

And no, I’m not talking about the Trescothick/Vaughan cuckold rumour (which i don’t believe, no michael slater joke here).

I mean real cricket rumours, like Justin Langer is a chance to be the next coach of England (not Australia, that would be stupid).

Let that soak in down under for a second.

Ok.

I usually (rarely) like to state the good things about someone before launching an attack on them.

Justin Langer was the toughest batsman of the modern era, he enjoyed being hit by a ball, and he would prefer to face Ahktar to Scott Styris.

He got the most out of a severe lack of skill, and was part of the Born again Steve movement.

Tough and made runs, good things.

But Coach Langer?

Can he even speak, generally it takes him 3 minutes of incomprehensible babble to get out some sort of point, and often my head hurts.

His brief appearances as commentator were horrible, Mark Taylor seemed quite well spoken in comparison.

And while I am sure he has knowledge as a long serving test player, I never heard him referred as a tactician.

He was never even thought of as captaincy material.

And he has been hit more times in the head than Muhummad Ali and Joe Brugner combined.

Is this the man England need?

Fuck no.

But maybe I am rating coaches on the modern scale.

Nerdy dudes who like laptops and have their pants at Jimmy Smits levels.

Perhaps I should think about the old school coach who was tough as guts, bordering on criminally violent, and always quick with a witty swear laden putdown.

If England wants that sort of coach, Langer would be the perfect man.

Also Langer would be the ying to KP’s yang.

And then the coach is JL and the captain is KP, saves alot of typing for me.

If you were impressed that I went the whole blog without using the term brown nosed gnome, tell me in the comments.