You’re walking through the supermarket.
Picking up your loaf of white bread a dark figure bumps into you.
He knocks your basket to the ground and quickly picks it up for you.
You can’t help but look in his basket.
He has all sort’s of foods in there, foods you can’t believe, foods you have never dared to try.
He’s different.
He’s not like anyone you’ve dated before.
He is exotic, mysterious, and in your mind capable of taking you to places you’ve never been to.
But you have a boyfriend, and although he is no Mr Excitement and has no mystery or exoticness at all, but he has given you support and helped you in times of need.
You flirt with Monty and even take his number, but you leave him at the supermarket and go home and have safe and boring sex with your boyfriend, if he’s not too tired.
Monty is never far from your thoughts, and one day, when your boyfriend tells the same boring story it just clicks, he is never going to change.
You need excitement, You need mystery, You need Monty.
Monty comes over, he is punctual, polite and pleasant. Not the most brilliant conversationalist, but that’s not why he’s there.
You egg him on, you talk him up, you stroke his ego so much he performs exactly as you believe he would.
He performs to his maximum, but alot of that is all the ego stroking you provide.
The sex is better than you have had in a long time, and right in that moment it is bliss. He puts it in the right areas and in your mind it is the best sex you’ve had, even better than those few times with the drunken poet ten years ago.
In bed Monty is a considerate lover, although not always brilliant with his hands.
He looks after your needs, he is patient, and on his day he can be quite exceptional.
The problem is that he’s extremely noisy all the time, so much so that you find it hard to tell when he’s reached his goal and when he’s just making noise. And when he does get there, he celebrates like no man you’ve ever known.
Slowly the novelty of his exotic nature starts to wear off, and you realised he is just another boring boy friend.
Sure he was caring, and your mum liked him, but he didn’t light your fire.
You are in a rut, you have no reason to leave him, but he just isn’t the man you thought he was.
You think rationally about the situation, he does the job I require, and he is a nice guy, I really should be happy to have found him.
Then one day you meet a really exotic young chap from Yorkshire and…
Food I’ve never dared to try. Scotch eggs and Tizer. I’ve gone all weak at the knees
Len’s Number 3 in Top Yorkshire fielding errors:”Adil Rashid – Failed to cut off boundary whilst moonwalking to impress cheerleaders.”..but true enough a moon-walking Adil is preferable to a leaping nude Monty rejoicing just because he’s banged one in my corridor of uncertainty
…It’s now been a month since you left Monty, a month since you shacked up with a dashing, exotic young man from Yorkshire. Things were okay at first – friends swooned over him and all considered him great husband potential – yet when you looked at his relationship history, it really wasn’t all that flash. And, when you needed something more substantial than just sex, he was lacking. He was young and couldn’t seem to understand that a womens emotional needs are whats most important. You think back to recent times, back when you were with Monty. It seems like only yesterday, that trip to New Zealand. And that day in Napier, where Monty threw you on the bed and reminded you why you feel for him in the first place. Then came Manchester and again, it was like the first day you met. Sure, maybe it was the fact you’d booked nice hotels with flowers and a spa and room service. But Monty still had to deliver and he stepped up. Both times.You remember how your relationship with Monty was maturing, turning into something more than physical, something deep and meaningful where you could forgive each other the occassional slipup because you understood that you were only human and that when push came to shove, he’d be there for you. And you remember this and smile, realising the mistake you’ve made just as you new young lover looks up at you from beneath the covers with forlorn eyes and says “I dont understand, this has never happened to me before!”……
Hey, at least he puts his balls in the right area.
Anonymous, that’s one heck of a comment, but why so shy with your name?SimonC, that’s areas plural. Monty’s kind of dirty like that.
Anon, great comment, but…. it would more likely be that the young man is too exotic, too different, and too manly for you. He likes to dress you up in costumes and dominate you, and you aren’t confident enough in your self to do that.