Adam Holliaoke, Alan Mullally, and Craig White are obviously all champions of English cricket.
Holliaoke was the best English captain since Grace.
Mullaly was the best left arm bowler ever.
And Craig White was probably the best allrounder England has had since Tony Greig.
Because of the trail blazing path these 3 heroes made, England has yet again looked to Victoria to find a champion.
This time it is Darren “eyelids” Pattinson.
The man, who was on a rooftop in Dandenong 12 months ago, is now leading the county league tally with an impressive 15 wickets after just 8 matches.
The rub is that Eyelids has an English passport, which means he can play for the old dart if they ask him nicely.
For England’s quota system, 3 non english accented players per team, Pattinson is perfect.
It’s been a while since Mullally took the new ball for England; so let me give the English some new tips on how to handle their new Victorian recruit.
You will need more than one Victorian bowler, because the first one will get injured thinking about bowling. The second one will get injured thinking about replacing the first one, so best you have 3.
Then you will need Rodney Hogg to psyche him up in his mentalist’s chamber known as the lunacy room. No Victorian can bowl fast without some time alone with Rodney.
After that you need a keeper who can dive in front of first slip. For Victorian bowlers this is like viagra.
And finally you will need to be a good team on paper, that never wins anything, oh good; you’ve got that covered already.
Usually I would be angry at England for poaching our Eyelids, but as long as they leave Dirty Dirk alone, it’s ok by me.
After all, Fast bowlers grow on trees here, we don’t even have to go into modelling agencies to find them, like they do in the UK.
Darren Eyelids, your welcome party is all planned, including the dancing girls (as requested).
With the exception of Saint Brett the entire Aus team are ugly or terminally dull buggers (or in the case of Hayden, both) and not in the least fanciable – even by someone as shallow and frivolous as me. I’ve been to Aus and it wasn’t evident that the native blokes were that off-putting – is there a special strain of Aus men just bred for international cricket?
Ceci, as you know all the pretty ones are in victoria, and they dont get picked.
Never going to happen. He’s just too ugly.
“…as long as they leave Dirty Dirk alone, it’s ok by me”. Everyone appears to be leaving Dirty Dirk well alone at the moment. But then again his cricinfo profile does say “For most of Dirk Nannes’ adult life, cricket has been an afterthought.”
But Suave, you;ve never seen him up on a roof shirtless on a hot day, im told the housewives of dandy were big fans.
True enough old fella, i shall have to make my way to Nottingham, maybe he’ll change my mind!