cricket with balls

Causes

A cricket blog is not a picture to be hung on a wall, it is a guerrilla soldier at your finger tips, that can be propelled at the unsuspecting public at any time.

It can be used for good or evil, hopefully both.

But only you the cricket blogger will know when the time is right.

Sometimes you will start a campaign to end someone’s career. Let’s say there is a particular left arm wrist spinner who pulls stupid faces and you can’t stand, it is your duty as a cricket blogger to make sure he is omitted. You must do your best to highlight his bad points, and completely gloss over any successes or statistical benefits he may have.

The opposite is true for your favourite player/s. But because they’re your favourites, you must go further. Start weird petitions, mention them in blogs you don’t need to, give them wacky unforgettable nicknames. Mention what they could have done in games had they played, compare them favourably with whomever they are most likely to replace, but most importantly build them up to god like status.

They are bigger than the game, they are more important than any one side, they are the cream of the crop, the beez neez, the cats pyjamas, the edible panties. Talk them up so much, people don’t even remember what they do on the field, but just simply remember that they are who you tell them they are.

Love/hate

Cricket blogs are not meant to be fair and balanced like say Fox news is. They are meant to have rants and odd takes on the sport. So exploit this, and take it to its logical conclusion.

Every team decided if you hate them or love them, and write based on this thought.

Then for every player do the same thing.

Then flip flop.

Then re flip flop.

Then flop flip.

The more times you change the more you will have people’s attention.

And talk about the players you love in the teams you hate, and Vice versa.

Cricket is not a black and white sort. It’s got a lot of in and outs to it, so why should you be black and white. This week you love England because Ryan Sidebottom reminds you of you’re favourite drummer, next week you hate England because KP’s eyes make you wanna kill your whole family.

Commenters

Commenters are vital to making your blog looking more popular than it really is. Anyone who comments on your blog is obviously an intelligent and cool cat, who just wants to share the love with you. Offcourse from time to time, a drunken knob jockey will comment and tell you that you’re crap.

The important thing is you ignore the bad completely, and only let the love come in. Some people might even feel the need to correct your mistakes. These people are nit pickers and should be put down with the most cutting remark you can come up with. Or question their sexuality and call them a nazi.

Some bloggers believe commenters are the life blood of their blog. Rubbish, you are the life blood, they are the parasites feeding off your greatness.

Remember that.

RSS Feeds

Very important you have a RSS feed. Otherwise people who set up sites that take your words and put them up with advertising pay per clicks would have to come and cut and paste from your page. Also some of your fans are lazy, and this is a way to ship your words directly into their inbox.

Podcast/Viddyblogs

All the cool kids have them. And aren’t you a cool kid? Really how hard is it. Buy some blue tack, and a crappy one CCD camera and film away, any mistakes you make will look cool and then use famous commentary for the back drop and bob is your uncle.

Podcasting is even easier. Get a microphone, find a free podcasting network, like let’s say, Podbean, and talk shit about the game you love. It is that easy.