On the back of jacques getting voted the most hated probot and him taking away the kittens ball of wool in Mirpur, I thought I would delve deep into the psyche of the man.
I have always suspected there was something wrong with Jacques Kallis.
No I don’t mean because he is dopey and boring, I mean something deeply wrong, even more so than just being South African.
He is almost universally hated, take out Ganguly, Smith and Ponting and he is probably the most despised person in world cricket.
But the other guys in this list have an excuse, they’ve been captains.
Jacques is just a player.
He hardly gives press conferences, which is lucky otherwise he would be even less popular.
According to some people he is the best South African player since apartied.
So he is better than a match fixer, a red head and one sh1t hot fast bowler.
Aside from Donald it’s like me saying I’m better looking than Kamran Akmal.
But why do we all hate him?
Do we think he is evil? Even more so than the usual South African.
Is it because he seems like an arrogant pr1ck, because if thats the case, no one would like any Australians.
Could it be that his 4 foot wide of off stump out swingers seem to get way more wickets than they are supposed to. He isn’t the first bowler to do that.
Perhaps it’s cause he looks lazy, and like he doesn’t try, but Mark Waugh and David Gower were similar.
He’s not the only ugly smug pr1ck with a hot girl, so I doubt thats it.
It can’t just be cause he is good, cause lots of good players are liked by people, even South Africans.
Being a boring twat doesn’t mean that people don’t like you, infact for some people it means a great career in the media.
I think it’s his face, I assume if I saw him in a pub, I’d wanna headbutt him.
Also he looks like an SS officer for the Nazis.
I don’t know how you feel, but I’m not a big fan of the Nazis.
Why do you hate Jacques?
It’s not so much that I hate him – I think it’s good that there’s a slow and steady but very successful batsman who used to bowl at 90mph. It’s just that he’s so boring that when I compare him to anyone else in world cricket (apart from Graeme Smith, Saurav Ganguly, and Harbhajan Singh), I like the other guy more.
I’ve always liked the nazi analogy when dealing with Safa cricket.When things are going fine they just chug along and steamroll the opposition (France ’40, safa v minnows)But throw a spanner in the works it all goes to sh it (russia 42, sa v. aust. ’99 world cup).
Why do I hate Jacques? I can’t put my finger on it. I just do. Woman’s intuition or something.
Starting from his balding head, the gap between his 2 front teeth, his over grown chest, his stance at the crease, the extra effort he puts into blocking a ball, to the dropping and shaking of the head on being out – it all deserves to be hated.
The fact that he’s so naturally gifted, yet only seems intent on finsihing with an average in the high fifties. and a bowling average in the low thirties.This fucker could have done anything.He could have been the greatest all-rounder the world had ever seen, but he chose to be a c*nt.And, what you said.Just look at him..He makes my bile duct twitch like a 6am erection.
I do not think people should hate an all rounder like Kallis. He is one of the best all rounder I have ever seen. Yes, there are few people who definitely hate him and they are the opponent bowlers. It is true that he seems to be a bit slow in ODI cricket, but the record books says that his ODI strike rate 71 and that is way better than many of the ODI batsmen of many test playing countries. With more than nine thousand runs in both ODI and test cricket and more than 200 wickets in both ODI and test cricket, I think, he deserves to be loved. That is the way, I think about Jacques Kallis.
You are right about the SS officer thing, I could see him playing the Ralph Fiennes character in Schindlers List no worries.
…and when he gets older, the Kolonel Klink role will be perfect for him.Anyone who has served Cronje, the ginga, and Smith with equal loyalty is a perfect candidate to be called an SS Officer.
mad boy: nah, not Fiennes. Fiennes’ character had some redeeming features, Kallis has none. If you were looking to cast him as Heyrich, it’d be a cert.And I object to the whole Nazi thing anyway – saffers are clearly worse.
Sorry: Heydrich.
Worse than nazi’s?lawyers, scientologists, sydney siders?
http://images.zap2it.com/ltvimages/images/shows/s/schindlerslist/schindlerslist_big_008.jpgI dunno 13th I can picture Jacques in the above photo. Maybe it’s the Embeth Davidtz Saffa connection?
Sorry this should do it.Rafe/Jacques in action
its amazing uncle that you spend this much time to people who bore you..
SP, I spend even more time on people i hate.
As the old saying goes: “Keep your friends close, your enemies even closer”Uncle J surely believes in that.
walking with his mate, at sea, literally, Kallis asks him, “how many feet above sea level are we?”Btw the analogies deserve the iron cross, no less!
Because he is monkey and an obnoxious weed rolled into one
a obnoxious bastard monkey badboy weed perhaps?
lets add “little” somewhere and that will pretty much encapsulate our hatered for Kallis.Kallis’s worst performance was in the WC match against SL in 2007 when he was one of the half a dozen batsmen to fall to Malinga when SA needed something like 0.0098 runs an over with 7 wickets in hand and a couple of runs to get.
-Because he’s bald,fat and ugly.-he gives the impression that as a child he never got to bat or bowl only field, and so he deserves sympathy, even if he has everything in the world (jesus worship).-he’s fat.-he’s fat,ugly and bald yet he does cosmetic beauty comercials.-i think he reeks of body odre that resembles a new born baby’s after a game.-if he wasn’t married my first thought would be if i saw/met him that he’s gay. the more you act like you’re gay even if you aren’t gay you just end up looking extreemly gay. and not gave in the sense of sexual preference.-when he plays he gives off the impression through his facial expresion that no one cares about cricket more than he does.so he just comes off as an ungreatful person who pretends to be over greatful or something, something….
You know what? I think you’re all just jealous that none of the sides you support have anyone as good as Jaques. Unless you’re Indian of course.I just dont understand the hatred. It all seems to revolve around his front teeth and the fact that he’s better than Clarke, Hayden, or Ponting with the bat, and had he concentrated on his bowling exclusively he’d be better than most of the Australians at that, too.No one in world cricket has been able to say that for years, and as such that pretty much ranks Kallis amongst the greatest cricketers of all time.The insults concerning his character are extremely rich coming from people who support a bunch of egomaniacal morally destitute bunch of mentally crippled tossers who are incapable of winning a home series even when they resort to cheating.I guess when it comes down to it, I just think you’re a bunch of ingrates. Kallis one of the most elegant batsman in world cricket, technically he is miles ahead of anyone, and there isnt a better cover drive out there (honourable mentions to Sachin and VVS). This definately gives him bonus points from me.I think this kind of class should be appreciated, because once he’s gone, there probably won’t be a batsman that perfect for a long, long time.Call yourselves cricket fans… In good fun.D.
Kallis is cleary one of the few remaining proper Nazi’s, he is not as fat as he looks but that is becasuse at all times he is wearing a full SS uniform under his whites. He reports into Uber Gruppen Kapitan Schumacher (also with skull and crossbones dress uniform under his racing gear)
Nice to see someone nailing the Nazi/Gay link up…………….they were always so well turned out, what a give away.
I just get the feeling that a black nazi uniform would suit him very well.
I may be wrong, however…
Just read “A Secret Country” by John Pilger. And to think you cunts have to gall to imply that south africans are fascist…
Good book though…proves that there’s at least one educated, intelligent australian out there. Must be lonely for the guy.
He’s choker, dirty fat racist.
KingSA
I have not, and I believe many others have not implied that South Africans are facsists. Your retort does however indicate a certain self consciousness around the south african psyche…..of course you are not in any way bigots.
My view is that Kallis, himself, the individual , because of the way he alerts my internal Nazi alarm and not because he happens to hail from South Africa is without doubt a Nazi. Much in the same way the Prince Phillip is one of those old boy Nazi’s who is hiding amongst us (in Prince Phillip’s case not hiding very well).
Good point on the aussie intellect though. Actually I think Peter Siddle is a Nazi as well…
Come on England, crush those aussie chokers, if Ponting’s eyes were any closer together he would be a cyclops (although not a Nazi)