Does everyone remember Notorious B.I.G. (aka Biggie Smalls), the fat rapper who was killed by 2pac, Suge Knight, the FBI and Tibetan monks.
Ofcourse you do.
Well Jesse Ryder is the cricket version.
He got the swagger. (ok more of a waddle)
He got the confidence. (Winking at bowlers and smiling all the time)
He got the game. (Well against the England he does)
He got the rivalry. (Parore)
He got the dark past. (Not as a teenage drug dealer, but he still got into sh1t)
And most importantly he got the size. (Baby got back)
Everyone had an opinion on him before he even stretched out the black uniform. Too fat, loose cannon, unreliable, but Jesse does this thing that people like, he scores an @ss full of runs quickly.
You see while the cricket academies teach nutrition and the best way to compile an innings, Jesse goes out there and hits the ball hard, scares bowlers and makes runs.
What an interesting cricket concept.
Surely he should structure his innings around 10 ball KPI’s and not swing like he is in a fight over the last french fry.
If you listen to John Buchannan or Ian Healy, cricket is a multilayered association of ideas that requires you to use all orifices at once whilst comprehending a series of numerical problems and remaining centred to the spirituality of your surrounds, and keeping your chi balanced.
Or you could be a fat party animal with a good eye.
Jesse Ryder is already a cult figure, figure being the key word.
He was more popular than Shane Watson before he played a shot.
Us arm chair fans tend to like cricketers who don’t look like male models.
Jesse looks like he could sit comfortably in an armchair with a bucket of fried chicken and a bucket of cheap bourbon, so it is very hard to hate the man.
With Inzy, Lehmann, & McMillan gone, the hefty cricket fans need a new role model, who better than Jesse.
In the film Young blood Patrick Swayze says,
“Thank God there is a sport for middle-sized white boys,”.
Well if I was in a cricket film right now I would say,
“Thank the aliens there is a sport for overweight drunkards”.
Jesse, chicken bucket, bourbon – now THAT’S my idea of a Valentine’s Day night in.
Strange;I’d have thought a night in with McCullum’s tattoos might have been more appealing….And then Miss Field would prefer Jake…
Miriam, i knew you were my sort of girl.
But is Jesse your sort of boy? This is key for the Valentine’s night in.
And Leg break I don’t really like McCullum’s tattoos – they’re too dense. It’s like a child has gone a bit wild with some pens.
I’ve never thought about my kind of boy, i’ll get back to you.
Apparently he’s more of a tequila man, although I’m sure he’s not overly fussy.Part of this cult hero stuff is because of the Parore onslaught. Talkback radio was particularly feral following the win the other night.The basic theme was “Ha ha; we stuffed the Poms, take that Parore… What’s Parore going to say now?” etc, whereas I’d have thought there were more obvious targets for ridicule.Parore did front up on TV last night (resplendent in lime green polo shirt) admitting he got his prediction that JR would miss out wrong.He didn’t retract the fat bit though.
What sort o0f Neil Harvey/Bishen Bedi admits he’s wrong.
If he prefers tequila that is fine. Frankly he can have the run of my drinks cabinet, fridge, house. Seriously Jesse, this summer, I’m only a few minutes away from the Oval. Come over. What? Jacob who?Jrod, this is one of those “unhealthy obsession” posts that will definitely have to be deleted in the event that I ever run for public office.
Miriam, this shows your softer side, in that you like men with soft sides.
Yes, you are right, I have a soft spot (RIGHT HERE BABY) for men with soft sides.