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Women are weird, no doubt. They are harder to work out than HTML codes and what shoes are cool right now.
In my travels I have met a lot of them, mostly through rejections, and I have come to learn some things about them.
A great deal of women, which is now know as a vajority, want a man who can protect them from the elements, while being gentle in those quieter moments on the couch.
This is obviously not all women, as the woman who repeatedly asked me to choke her wasn’t so much into gentleness, but for the purpose of this post let’s pretend its all women.
A female friend of mine said her experience had taught her that all women (not all, some, a vajority perhaps) want a man who can be hard on the outside and soft on the inside.
Unfortunately for me, I’m soft on the outside and hard on the inside.
But Jacob Oram is hard on the outside and soft on the inside.
Let me explain this.
He bats like John McLane would. It isn’t always pretty, there are some moments you aren’t sure he is going to make it, he ends up battered and bruised, but by the end he has slayed the bad guys and kept us entertained.
When he bowls he shows a feminine side not many men his size can project. He trundles in like some sort of Oprah bowler, which is much different than being a Jerry Springer bowler like Andre Nel or Sreesanth.
This is what makes him the perfect boyfriend.
To his mates he shows a tough guy demeanour, slogging the ball out of the park and carrying his decrepit team mates on his back through another collapse. The sort of guy who would defend a ladies honour with a bloody bar fight.
But after the bar fight, as the lady, whose honour is intact, is stitching him back up, he shows his sensitive side as the alcohol and needles cause him to flinch and open up about past loves and scars that show just a hint of melancholy below his rock hard exterior.
Then they make sweet sweet love. He is gentle and giving, but as much as she enjoys it, some deep primal urge wishes that he would just rip her clothes off and make love to her in the wild abandon that he showed in the bar.
Unfortunately for her (NZ), all his anger is reserved for bar room brawls (batting) and cannot be used in the making of love (bowling)
Ok so maybe not the perfect boyfriend then, but I bet he remembers her birthday.
Do you know how I can contact Jacob Oram? We need a model for next cover and he sounds ideal. I found your site looking for evil dragons but will settle for Jacob.
Mills & Boon,You can contact him at http://midoff.blogspot.com.
That’s very clever. I like Oram. He actually lives up to his big hitting all rounder reputation. Unlike Flintoff, that jerk.And I take it you saw that little segment on one of the morning shows. I don’t know how I got to watching it, but all I took from it is vajority. A good word if ever needed.
Banh, read it in the paper a few days ago, and thought i have to use that, Jacob seemed perfect for it.
Vajority…? Include it!
Ha, good post.
That gives you the vajority opinion on here miss field.
Lucky me. Do I get a prize? Oram?
At this point I’d like to say something clever, maybe a bit feminist, or even cricket based, but all I can think is this: Jacob Oram’s girlfriend is one lucky bitch.
Genius!You are the winner of the world.It’s yours now.Thanks.
where we put in our papers then?
Miss you can share him with Miriam, unless thats sexist. And in that case no one gets him. Suave, stop it.
I’ll take what I can get, so Miriam you can have him Mon-Thurs and I’ll have him Fri- Sun. Mmm?
I’ll draw up the papers.
Fine by me – I’m happy to forgo the premium weekend hours in exchange for the extra night. And I’LL draw up the papers.
Miriam, you can’t draw up the papers, because you’d cheat, and I’m ambivalent so i should do it.
No no, I think I’d prefer Miriam to draw up the papers. At least then I can be confident there won’t be a secret camera clause cleverly woven into the text, or something.
Good point.
http://wwos.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=375761See that. It’s a cover up. He’s actually just going to be otherwise engaged.
good one UJ on oram… maybe those women need to spend a night with ambrose.
Uncle J Rod, I hope you have braced yourself for the avalanche of Jacob Oram girlfriend google hits.
Recently all i get is Cameron white girlfriend hits so it would make a nice change.
wouldn’t say perfect. delaying his wedding to go play for the IPL – that can’t be perfect.Oram is the kind of guy anyway – full of contradictions but from what I have heard he is a great bloke.
No I was very supportive of him playing for the IPL.
i’m sure you were. I would be too after waiting about 2 years for my wedding after getting engaged.what’s another month.
The IPL is romantic.
absolutely. the indians put on a good wedding.btw – excellent article. very amusing
Suddenly Oram’s face reminds me of Heath Ledger’s – and his character in Brokeback Mountain. cheers, excellent write there.
Naked Cricket, I didn’t think that re Oram’s face until you mentioned it but I now see what you mean.
Does that mean he says to the NZ board, I don’t know how to quit you…Emz, thanks.