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Apparently Shane Warne has retired.
So the Australian team needs to find some spinners capable of taking wickets in Pakistan and India.
Let’s look at the list of contracted and uncontracted spinners.
Contracted
Stuart “Lord Stuey” MacGill the enfant terrible of the private school leg spinning set.
Currently injured and more interested in filming odd ads about wine, but is married to a hot chick.
Has over 200 wickets, but has bad knees and is late 30’s.
May play again, but it looks doubtful, and even if he does he has worse knees than my grandma, and hers are fake.
Brad “the tongue” Hogg is the part time bowler who accidentally became a test match spinner.
Was once a postman, still bowls like one, and is a very effective weapon in one day cricket, but is just not a test cricketer.
People say he is a nice bloke, but I don’t think that is helping him take wickets in test match cricket.
His bowling average of 50 is not gonna help keep him in the big time.
Dan “sleeves” Cullen took 40 wickets one year for the redbacks.
Since then he would be lucky to have taken 40 combined.
Has played one test against Bangladesh, and has a very annoying habit of scrunching his sleeves up before every fu©king delivery.
Was relegated to 12th man for the redbacks last game.
No where near the level needed to be playing for Australia.
Cullen “the other guy” Bailey is the saviour of leg spinning.
So at the moment he is being crucified by not playing.
Right at the moment he is the highest paid club cricketer in the land.
Hasn’t been picked for first class cricket in 4 months.
Not even his father the preacher can save him now.
Uncontracted
Cricket With Balls Own Nice Bryce McGain is the pin up athlete for the blue rinse brigrade.
Sure he is slightly older than the usual debutant (cough57cough), but he does this weird thing, he gets wickets.
If he wore a lighter shade of blue he’d probably be playing right now, or perhaps the selectors don’t like Hugh Grant films.
He is the best spinner in Australia at the moment.
Unless my plan to reanimate the corpse of Tiger Bill O’Reilly has been successful.
Aaron “Billy” Heal is the child of a bastard union between Billy Bowden and MSquiggle
Ok, he can’t get a game for his state, but he did bowl very well when against Sri Lanka in a tour game.
That’s not the greatest wrap for him, but he does look like a bowler, and if he played on a wicket that helped spinners we may actually know how good he could be.
In the one day and 2020 comps he has bowled really well, and Sime likes him and Sime doesn’t like anyone with fewer than 250 test wickets.
Jason “who” Krejza is some guy who plays cricket i suppose.
He is the leading finger spinner statiscally at the moment.
Thats like being the tallest dwarf though.
His greatest asset is the fact he can bat, probably too well, as he plays quite often as a part time spinner and full time number 8.
He has wickets though, so that is something.
The Skinny
McGain has taken 24 wickets at 33.
Hogg 20 wickets at 40.
Krejza 13 wickets at 35.
Cullen 11 wickets at 50.
And Bailey, Heal, and Stuey aren’t really worth mentioning.
Australia’s spinning stable hasn’t been this ugly since Terry Jenner went to the big house.
I’m sure that’s the first cricket blog I have ever read that has used Bonnie Tyler lyrics for its title.
Thanks bright eyes.
Total Eclipse of the HoggTurnaround, every now and then I get a little bit lonely and Shane’s never coming around Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my Hogg getting smacked around Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the Warne years have gone by Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in Hogg’s eyes Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then he falls apart Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then he fall apart Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit restless and I dream of pinning it wild Turnaround, Every now and then he gets a little bit helpless and gets smacked like a child in your arms Turnaround, Every now and then he gets a little bit angry and I know I’ve got to get out and appeal Turnaround, Every now and then he gets a little bit terrified but then he sees the look in their eyes Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then he falls apart Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then he falls apartAnd I need Warne now tonight And I need Warne more than ever And if he’ll only hold me tight We’ll be texting on forever And we’ll only be making it right Cause we’ll never be wrong together We can take it to the end of the line Your flipper is like a shadow on me all of the time I don’t know what to do and I’m always in the dark He’s living in a powder keg and bowling crap all day I really need Warne tonight Forever’s gonna start tonight Forever’s gonna start tonight Once upon a time I was falling in love But now he’s only falling apart There’s nothing I can do A total eclipse of the Hogg Once upon a time there was Warne in my life But now there’s only Hogg in the dark Nothing I can say A total eclipse of the Hogg Turnaround bright eyes Turnaround bright eyes Turnaround, every now and then I know you’ll never be the Warne you always you wanted to be Turnaround, every now and then I know Warne’ll always be the only boy who wanted me the way that I am Turnaround, every now and then I know there’s no one in the universe as magical and wonderous as Warne Turnaround, every now and then I know there’s nothing any better and there’s nothing Hogg just wouldn’t do Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then Hogg falls apart Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then Hogg falls apart And I need Warne now tonight And I need Warne more than ever And if he’ll only hold me tight We’ll be texting on forever And we’ll only be making it right Cause we’ll never be wrong together We can take it to the end of the line Your flipper is like a shadow on me all of the time I don’t know what to do and I’m always in the dark He’s living in a powder keg and bowling crap all day I really need Warne tonight Forever’s gonna start tonight Forever’s gonna start tonight Once upon a time I was falling in love But now he’s only falling apart There’s nothing I can do A total eclipse of the Hogg Once upon a time there was Warne in my life But now there’s only Hogg in the dark Nothing I can say A total eclipse of the Hogg
What’s McGain like style wise. Big turner of the ball?
LB, having a busy day i see.BG, not a huge spinner, more of a tiht line and length spinner who tries to out think the batsmen. Does spin it, more than hogg but less than warne.
Last time I write you poems Jrod…
LB, it was beautiful man, i welled up.
It’s a love in!!Yay!I want to see CWBONBM playing in the white’s of ‘Straya.As you can imagine, before reading this site, I’d never heard of CWBONBM, no I’m thinking we should get him over for some county cricket. (Essex)I’d like to get rid of Danish Kaneria, and bring in CWBONBM.
Also, did you nearly post this, the other day?I seem to have read this before?
Suave, he is a very similar bowler to kaniera, just an aussie version. But if he goes over who is going to babysit for him? You?I may have put this up accidentally a few days ago.
I could do that, it would be an honour to look after the child of CWBONBM.I’d corrupt them obviously..
Make them suave perhaps.
Oh most definitely. They’re not gonna get that from daddy are they!
I’ll babysit for him.
well i wont fill in for him at the bank while he’s gone.
As I already work for IT in a bank, I’ll do that…J Rod, you can make a documentary about it. Everyone’s a winner
How many spinners did Clive Lloyd play on his subcontinental trips?How many did South Africa play on each of their trips? (I know the last question will get you foaming…but even Australia conquered the last frontier with it’s strengths which wasn’t even Shane Warne on the subcontinent..though that was his only decent series.)Play to your strengths and hope Shaun Tait has made up his mind by then. A spinner isn’t compulsory here…a frequent mistake. Anyway, he’s got to be as good as Warne minimum, if not better…so pick your most wicket-taking bowlers even if they are all quickies.
Soul, our quickies have enough trouble taking wickets on our pitches how are they going to do it there. And looking at the last series against pakistan you guys arent exactly making bowler friendly pitches.Suave, done and done.